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Grandparent won’t come and visit my daughter

28 replies

Cheryl22x · 25/05/2023 20:50

Hi, my ex partners mother and father my daughters so called grand parents refuse to come and visit my daughter. I am currently living at my Parents house they have a car and live 10 minutes away. His mother said in a text message to her son ‘ I’m not coming to her mam and dads so you either bring her to see me or I guess I won’t be seeing her’ them were her exact words.
It’s really upsetting that she won’t come and see my daughter here not only that she makes no effort at all to see her anywhere. No texts, phone calls nothing. I know this is up to my ex partner to deal with but she is playing the blame game to people she knows by saying that I don’t let her see my daughter. When she clearly won’t come and visit or pick up the phone to arrange anything.
I have a lot of guilt and I don’t know why she has made me feel like this.

is anyone on here going through the same thing or has any advice?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 01/09/2023 07:21

Tbh I don't think the onus should be on your ex PILs to visit your daughter at your MILs house. I don't even think the onus should be on you to take her to theirs. The primary responsibility to help facilitate the relationship should be your exs.
Where/how does he see her? Is there a reason he can't take her to his parents or GPs visit her at 'his'?
Is there a reason your PIL can't pick her up and take her to theirs? What did they used to do before you split up. If you felt strongly enough about that this was a good relationship for your daughter maybe you drop her off. I get it's a nuisance when you don't drive but presumably you manage everyday travel with a child atm.
As for their take on the situation, it's hardly surprising. They're only hearing their sons version of events. Have you refused to let them see your child outside of 'supervised access' at your mum's? Unless there's a good reason for this I feel you're being controlling.

TossacointoHenryCavill · 01/09/2023 07:33

Sounds like she is in denial about her son’s alcohol issues.
You’ve done all you can OP. Stop feeling guilty about it. To recap :

  • You’re supervising contact between your child and her father (your ex), because he has alcohol issues. Well done. That’s a safe way of ensuring your daughter knows her dad.
  • Your DD’s paternal grandmother has an open invitation to visit at your place of residence and you have offered to bring her round. This is attempting to facilitate a relationship between your DD and her extended family. This is good parenting
  • Your MIL is refusing to communicate with you and wants to have contact with her GD via her son. This would be reasonable if her son was a safe caregiver. It sounds like he is not, due to the alcohol issues, and that both you and he recognize that.

It’s not your fault your ex is not a safe caregiver at the moment. Maybe one day he will be, maybe he will never manage it. It’s out of your control. Your MIL can mouth off to her friends, but if those friends know her son and his issues, they will see exactly why he can’t be the one to facilitate visits.
Feverly · 01/09/2023 07:40

Sounds ideal to not have the woman contacting you or inflicting herself on your kid. Minimise the volume of shit people in your kids life, bad enough she's got an alcoholic father, no need to give his mother one moments thought.

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