Friends family staying over- finances

Rewis · 2023-05-25T18:07:35+00:00

Sorry, terrible headline. My best friend has a course in my hometown and is coming to stay for a week and bringing her husband and a child. I'm wondering what I'm expected to offer? Yes, we can have a conversation but I'm wondering about the norm. I was thinking that I can stock up with some generic breakfast items and then what ever I normally have. Then they can get whatever their child eats and then for dinner we could go out or to shop and split the bill between adults?

Bunnycat101 · 25/05/2023 19:11

Did you want to put her up for a week? That’s quite cheeky of her to suggest unless you offered. If she invited herself I wouldn’t be hosting every night.

Oaktree1233 · 25/05/2023 19:13

I would hope that they might treat you to a meal out as a host.

SapatSea · 25/05/2023 19:19

If she is your best friend then I'd expect to be hosting her and her family for free unless I was in straitened financial circumstances myself. Can you not just Whatsapp/phone/email her and ask does she want to bring food for Dc or if not ask what you should get in and ask her what she wants to do about evening meals? If you can't afford to host, if you are close could you not tell her that and suggest the food costs being spilt?

Damnspot · 25/05/2023 19:21

SapatSea · 25/05/2023 19:19

If she is your best friend then I'd expect to be hosting her and her family for free unless I was in straitened financial circumstances myself. Can you not just Whatsapp/phone/email her and ask does she want to bring food for Dc or if not ask what you should get in and ask her what she wants to do about evening meals? If you can't afford to host, if you are close could you not tell her that and suggest the food costs being spilt?

This. I'd assume she'd bring bits and pieces and my good friends would definitely take me out one evening. But otherwise I wouldn't ask for a penny!

AhNowTed · 25/05/2023 19:24

Your suggestion sounds fine OP.

The basics and breakfasts in, then enough for the first nights meal in, then a shop between you (split), and maybe a night out (split) or a takeaway (split).

Feeding 3 extra for a week is very expensive.

Original poster

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:32

I can afford the groceries. If it was the other way around, I wouldn't expect my single friend to feed my family for a week and just buy one dinner. We'd go grocery shopping and I'd pick up the bill from at least one shop.

We've spend many weekends together cause we live in different parts of the country and it has always gone naturally. But there has never been husbands and children involved before this. So it's throwing me off a bit.

I'm not planning on "hosting" per se. But I'm not gonna cook chicken for myself and then have them do separate dinner.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:34

I wouldn't expect the same in return obviously, just saying what I'd do. But I can definitely be prepared to get everything.

OP posts:

KnickerlessParsons · 25/05/2023 19:35

SapatSea · 25/05/2023 19:19

If she is your best friend then I'd expect to be hosting her and her family for free unless I was in straitened financial circumstances myself. Can you not just Whatsapp/phone/email her and ask does she want to bring food for Dc or if not ask what you should get in and ask her what she wants to do about evening meals? If you can't afford to host, if you are close could you not tell her that and suggest the food costs being spilt?

Also this. I'd expect to cater for everyone.
As a guest I'd offer to shop and cook for at least one evening meal and/or pay for a meal out or a takeaway.

Damnspot · 25/05/2023 19:35

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:32

I can afford the groceries. If it was the other way around, I wouldn't expect my single friend to feed my family for a week and just buy one dinner. We'd go grocery shopping and I'd pick up the bill from at least one shop.

We've spend many weekends together cause we live in different parts of the country and it has always gone naturally. But there has never been husbands and children involved before this. So it's throwing me off a bit.

I'm not planning on "hosting" per se. But I'm not gonna cook chicken for myself and then have them do separate dinner.

OK well you sound like you know what you want to do, share the grocery shop 🤷‍♀️

Infusionist · 25/05/2023 19:36

I’d also assume I was catering for everyone, and hope for a meal out/ takeaway ect in return. That’s basic hosting.

Original poster

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:43

Damnspot · 25/05/2023 19:35

OK well you sound like you know what you want to do, share the grocery shop 🤷‍♀️

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It was just what I would have done. But I seem to be off base so I'll be prepared to make a big food delivery with enough for everyone. I've genuinely just never been in this situation. When visiting friends it's usually a weekend and the "host" has breakfast materials and then we eat outside food and drinks most of the time.

OP posts:

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2023 19:46

Infusionist · 25/05/2023 19:36

I’d also assume I was catering for everyone, and hope for a meal out/ takeaway ect in return. That’s basic hosting.

This, I’m afraid. Is she a good friend? If it’s the cost you’re worried about, plan for some cheap filling meals that will stretch round numbers (pasta, cook a whole chicken and then use the leftovers etc). But I think I’d assume I was catering and then be pleasantly surprised if she offered to pay for a meal out.

NoSquirrels · 25/05/2023 19:47

Whose idea was it to have the husband and child too? Did you offer or did she ask?

I think in your position I’d say ‘I’ll grab some breakfast things for the first morning if you tell me what you guys like to eat - any cereal DC particularly likes? - and I’ll cook a meal the night you get here - I was thinking lasagne? Then we can talk
about splitting a grocery shop and meals for the week?’

Damnspot · 25/05/2023 19:49

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:43

It was just what I would have done. But I seem to be off base so I'll be prepared to make a big food delivery with enough for everyone. I've genuinely just never been in this situation. When visiting friends it's usually a weekend and the "host" has breakfast materials and then we eat outside food and drinks most of the time.

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Jesus OP it's your friend and her very small family.

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2023 19:52

Why are the husband and child also coming?

Motnight · 25/05/2023 19:52

Why don't you ask her what she would like to do re meals etc?

NoSquirrels · 25/05/2023 19:52

If you live alone, hosting another 2 adults and a child is actually not an insignificant ask for a week. It’s not like OP gave an invite for a family holiday, I assume she’s just doing her friend a favour in accommodation because she’s doing a work thing. It’s not the same as a long weekend, couple of meals and that’s it.

daytriptovulcan · 25/05/2023 20:02

She's saving on a week's air BnB or cheap hotel. That's a result for her.
But you think she expects you to feed her family too!?
Why do you think that?

Original poster

Rewis · 25/05/2023 20:06

daytriptovulcan · 25/05/2023 20:02

She's saving on a week's air BnB or cheap hotel. That's a result for her.
But you think she expects you to feed her family too!?
Why do you think that?

I don't think I've claimed to think that? I asked quite a generic question on a forum on what seems to be the norm to get an idea. She's my best friend so we will sort everything out and there won't be a problem. Just wondering on a forum 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

Goldbar · 25/05/2023 20:16

I would just ask her what her plans are. They might be planning to eat out most of the time.

Something like "Hi friend, very much looking forward to seeing you guys next week. I'll stock up on some breakfast essentials (is there anything in particular DC likes?) but would be great if you could give me an idea of your dinner plans and if you'd prefer to stay in and cook together some nights so I know how much extra food we'll need. Would hate anyone to go hungry!"

BMW6 · 25/05/2023 20:16

I'm wondering what her DH and child are going to do all day every day while your friend us at the course! Do you work out of home OP?

Summerslimtime · 25/05/2023 20:19

I'd just ask what she wants to do about food, and that it might be a good idea for her to get a tesco delivery. Say that you'll provide basic cereal and toast, but they can get items in for lunch and dinner. Allow for a meal out or takeaway.

FedUpWithTheNHS · 25/05/2023 20:27

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:32

I can afford the groceries. If it was the other way around, I wouldn't expect my single friend to feed my family for a week and just buy one dinner. We'd go grocery shopping and I'd pick up the bill from at least one shop.

We've spend many weekends together cause we live in different parts of the country and it has always gone naturally. But there has never been husbands and children involved before this. So it's throwing me off a bit.

I'm not planning on "hosting" per se. But I'm not gonna cook chicken for myself and then have them do separate dinner.

Just do what you normally do
bfast is a good idea if you know wits usually different from yours.

don’t overthink it!

FedUpWithTheNHS · 25/05/2023 20:29

Rewis · 25/05/2023 20:06

I don't think I've claimed to think that? I asked quite a generic question on a forum on what seems to be the norm to get an idea. She's my best friend so we will sort everything out and there won't be a problem. Just wondering on a forum 🤷🏼‍♀️

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And maybe don’t take too much notice of MN.
As a rule, people refuse to pay for others and expect visitors to be CF

Clymene · 25/05/2023 20:38

Goldbar · 25/05/2023 20:16

I would just ask her what her plans are. They might be planning to eat out most of the time.

Something like "Hi friend, very much looking forward to seeing you guys next week. I'll stock up on some breakfast essentials (is there anything in particular DC likes?) but would be great if you could give me an idea of your dinner plans and if you'd prefer to stay in and cook together some nights so I know how much extra food we'll need. Would hate anyone to go hungry!"

I think this is a good idea.