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Original poster

Friends family staying over- finances

51 replies

Rewis · 25/05/2023 19:07

Sorry, terrible headline.

My best friend has a course in my hometown and is coming to stay for a week and bringing her husband and a child. I'm wondering what I'm expected to offer? Yes, we can have a conversation but I'm wondering about the norm.

I was thinking that I can stock up with some generic breakfast items and then what ever I normally have. Then they can get whatever their child eats and then for dinner we could go out or to shop and split the bill between adults?

OP posts:
Atishoos · 25/05/2023 20:43

Yes, just be yourself and have a normal friendly conversation about the set up. I'm sure she and her family will chip in. If not, you will not put them up again I'd say!

Just wondered if she is on a course from work? If so, surely her employer would pay her costs. I too am puzzled as to why H and child are coming also, unless you live near Alton Towers or the Lakes etc.!

WaitingForSunnyDays · 25/05/2023 20:43

Are you working during the week? When similar happened to me I was just very blunt upfront and said they were very welcome to stay, and it would be lovely to see them, but as I was working full time I wouldn't be looking after them like a hotel, so they'd need to sort themselves out most of the time!

Original poster
Rewis · 25/05/2023 20:45

I don't personally eat breakfast but people in general do so I'll make sure to have the basics. I'll get a food order with my usual stuff that are "them friendly" and ask if she wants me to add anything for the delivery (for them or the kid). You can literally see a Tescos from my window so I'm not gonna load up weeks worth of lunch and dinner for 3+1 people. I'll just do a top up as needed in the smaller store next door.

OP posts:
Littlebluebellwoods · 25/05/2023 20:50

Bunnycat101 · 25/05/2023 19:11

Did you want to put her up for a week? That’s quite cheeky of her to suggest unless you offered. If she invited herself I wouldn’t be hosting every night.

Did you read a different op? The op never once said she invited herself.

op, some of these responses are very odd.

I would plan to cook a couple of nights, supply brekkie. Go out one, maybe a takeaway another. Why don’t you just talk to her about meal planning, just say what do you fancy doing?

Damnspot · 25/05/2023 20:50

FedUpWithTheNHS · 25/05/2023 20:29

And maybe don’t take too much notice of MN.
As a rule, people refuse to pay for others and expect visitors to be CF

Show quote history

Yes it's definitely odd about having anyone, even your best friend and her family, staying in your house.

Littlebluebellwoods · 25/05/2023 20:52

FedUpWithTheNHS · 25/05/2023 20:29

And maybe don’t take too much notice of MN.
As a rule, people refuse to pay for others and expect visitors to be CF

Show quote history

This, I’m quite bewildered by it. It’s like some folks can’t grasp the op would be happy to have them there and provide. Batshit

Dontlistitonfacebook · 25/05/2023 20:55

I had family come to stay recently (4 adults) for almost a week. I don't go to theirs because of health reasons ( can't travel that far).

I had prepared to host but in practice sometimes they did their own thing. Took them out for a meal and there was a battle over who'd pay ( everyone wanted to, I won.) It all worked out.

Newname47 · 25/05/2023 21:01

I'd get in a few bits for breakfast and some cheapish meals like pasta pesto plus a fancy meal. I would also expect them to turn up with food for the kid if they were fussy and to treat me to a meal, whether cooked or out and paid for. I'd also make it clear I had the basics in but feel free to bring along anything fancy they need.

Damnspot · 25/05/2023 21:06

Littlebluebellwoods · 25/05/2023 20:52

This, I’m quite bewildered by it. It’s like some folks can’t grasp the op would be happy to have them there and provide. Batshit

Show quote history

Yep.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 25/05/2023 21:21

I'd just cater for the extra heads, I'd certainly have enough in to prepare normal meals at normal times but keep fingers crossed for a takeaway being offered!
I'd have a few kid friendly things in as well, eg fish fingers, nuggets pasta and some kid yoghurt.

Mbop · 25/05/2023 21:39

Why don't you suggest planning a menu together and sharing the bill?

mrsm43s · 25/05/2023 22:02

I'd get groceries in for everyone for all meals for the full week, but expect them to bring any specific "child related" things they need, like favourite snacks etc, or even child friendly meals if their child won't eat standard foods.

I would like to think they'd offer to take you out for a meal or pay for a takeaway, funds permitting.

Sparkleshine21 · 25/05/2023 22:05

I take my daughter to stay with my best friend on her partners farm every month for a couple of nights each time. I always take food for both of us and to cook one meal plus booze and snacks.

Bunnycat101 · 25/05/2023 22:06

I don’t think the question is batshit. I personally would never impose on a friend with my husband and child if I was going on a work course for a week.I’d get a hotel and then go and see my friend for the weekend so for me the level of catering sort of depends who did the inviting.

Bunnichick · 25/05/2023 22:07

I would message and say "I'm doing a food shop. Is there anything you'd like me to get for you / the child for when you arrive?" and see what she says but I also see your point that there's a tesco nearby. Just thinking she might reply and say "no we'll sort ourselves out" or not.

I can't see you've answered PP's asking how it came about that she's staying with her family.

Littlebluebellwoods · 25/05/2023 22:28

Bunnycat101 · 25/05/2023 22:06

I don’t think the question is batshit. I personally would never impose on a friend with my husband and child if I was going on a work course for a week.I’d get a hotel and then go and see my friend for the weekend so for me the level of catering sort of depends who did the inviting.

Why do you think it’s imposing, the op clearly doesn’t. So your friendships are clearly different to hers. She’s not asking if it’s ok for them to stay, she’s all good with it.

Xenia · 25/05/2023 22:32

I have people here all the time (as live with adult children so it is their friends). I don't buy any food or change beds or anything like that. However everyone is different. Just do what feels right. Feeding a whole family for a week is probably not something most people can afford at the moment unless they are on high salaries.

NoSquirrels · 25/05/2023 22:50

I’m quite bewildered by it. It’s like some folks can’t grasp the op would be happy to have them there and provide. Batshit

I come at it from the perspective that if the OP was delighted to fully cater the week, they’d not be asking the question on MN, they’d just get on with paying the extra.

I think it’s batshit to assume a single person household can happily host an extra 2 adults and a child for a week, tbh.

We all have different perspectives. That’s the beauty of it.

Bunnycat101 · 25/05/2023 22:50

Littlebluebellwoods can’t you see though the circs do affect it especially as the OP doesn’t want to fully cater and it could be really expensive for her on her own having 3 people staying for a week.

eg scenario 1: “oh I’ve heard you’re coming up for your course- you and the family must come and stay with me for a catch-up- it be great to see you”. - I’d be expecting the OP to host them as guests as they were there at her invitation.

scenario 2: “I’ve got a course near you, would it be ok if I came up and stayed with you to save on accommodation costs?-btw bringing husband and child too” . I wouldn’t be expecting OP to host/provide all the food as she’d be doing them a favour.

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/05/2023 23:18

Is her course with work? If so, she should get an allowance for food and board.

Original poster
Rewis · 26/05/2023 07:01

I ignored the the questions about why they are coming cause I didn't think it was relevant and would potentially derail. But the course is not through work so they won't pay for hotels and allowances. They whole family is coming because the child (baby?) Is still small. She asked if it would be ok to stay over and I said yes. No big deal and totally acceptable in our relationship. I'm happy to have friend over cause we only get to see each other once a year since they moved and will be nice to see their kid aswell.

I don't have an issue to fully cater for a week. I was just wondering if I was expected to. I'm now thinking I'll order breakfast/evening snack materials and few dinners and ask if they want to add anything to the food order for them or the kiddo. I'll do the top up shops at my local shop. If they do their own thing during lunch and dinner then I won't be stuck with fuckton of food. Neither of us are big meal planners (used to be flatmates) so I know we can't plan a menu days in advance and we'd just go "let's see what we feel like".

OP posts:
Original poster
Rewis · 26/05/2023 07:11

I appreciate all the responses and point of views. This is not going to be issue at all, we can sort everything. But since I enjoy this forum, might as well ask a low stakes question 😊

OP posts:
DutchCowgirl · 26/05/2023 07:15

I have a friend who comes over with her family of five once a year. And every other year we visit their place (migrated within Europe).
Normally we text extensively about meal planning in the weeks before the visit. Also because we are vegetarians, but they are keto, so it is not just the cost to worry about😉
We always split costs … it is a lot of money catering for 5 extra. And because of our dietary incompatibility it costs even more.

user40643 · 26/05/2023 18:00

Did you read a different op? The op never once said she invited herself.

@Littlebluebellwoods at least read the post you're replying to properly. She said IF

Original poster
Rewis · 05/11/2023 19:12

UPDATE: nobody asked this but I'm giving it anyway (although this waa a while ago). As expected everything worked out naturally. I asked if she wants to add anything to shopping. She couldn't think of anything (we are terrible planners). I got my basics with a few extra yoghurt. Friend ate at the course and had few outings with the group. Husband went out with kiddo and I'm assuming he ate then or when I was at hobbies. Me and friend had dinner out one evening. They eat very little so now I understand why they're so skinny!
All went well. Chilled with the husband for a bit during day, offered to babysit and successfully watched the sleeping baby for 30minutes, hanged out with my friend I hadn't seen in 6 months. And they've moved to my city so that's awesome. As nice as it was to see my friend and her child it was nice to get my room to myself. Would do again but not too often 😁

OP posts:
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