Does anyone else in their 50s feel like it's all getting a bit too much?

[Larner]

Struggling with perimenopause, hrt helps a bit but my GOD the downer when I have my two weeks on progesterone, mother likely has dementia, won't admit it because why would you it is terrifying, but nevertheless I'm driving 2 hours each way every other weekend trying to keep on top of things and dancing around the subject without overly irritating my now physically feeble but still mentally aggressive father, one kid doing A Levels, missed half his GCSE content, who knows what will happen there, doesn't want to go to any of the universities that have offered him, tbf he's predicted four A stars so could possibly get somewhere better with a year out, but if he fucks up then what, other kid doing GCSEs, probably won't get great grades, glad he's going to school at all tbh, been wobbly these past few years. Brother has long covid he says, constantly sending me links to medical studies about it and telling me all about the tests he has which don't show anything is going on but that's what happens apparently . Obv like everyone else in the country I am skint and knackered and praying I don't injure myself or get ill because we have no health system any more. I honestly feel like I'm running on empty on a daily basis and cannot sustain this long term. This is a SHIT stage of life. Anyone else?

[QueenOfHiraeth]

That does sound like shit and I'm sorry that I can't tell you it will all be sunlit uplands from here on because my friends and I are all in our 60s dealing with very elderly and frail parents, adult children with relationships, weddings, homes and grandchildren.
Every stage in life has its problems and I wonder if we are feeling them more at the moment

[Larner]

Thank you for your measured response. I guess there are always things we have to deal with in life. When I was younger I didn't recognise this and I think it's caught me on the hop. I guess I just had in mind that once my babies were grown things would be a bit more relaxed. I've raised them on my own so it's been pretty intense. But, I can see that's not how things work. You don't get a reward! Or time off for good behaviour. If something needs doing it needs doing and if you're in the frame then crack on.

But. I have done things all on my own for 18 years!!! Am I going to have to keep on doing them till I die??!

[Blanketpolicy]

Early 50s, and concurrently menopausal, working FT in a full on job, supporting elderly parents with serious health issues and a teen through exam years were the hardest and most exhausting of my life.

Exams are over now and ds is at uni, parents are now gone. Now mid 50s and I am still on a downer with brain fog and trying to find the motivation and confidence to find a new sense of purpose outside of work. I am grateful my boss is the same age as me and going through the same thing so "gets it" and we can support each other.

[GulfCoastBeachGirl]

I guess I just had in mind that once my babies were grown things would be a bit more relaxed

I think there is that expectation, isn't there? It feels like you segue right from caring for children to caring for elderly parents.

I'm sorry about your mother, OP; dementia is everyone's worst nightmare. FWIW, I do think your 60's can be good years (providing your own health holds up!), but I can relate to the feeling that you "don't get time off for good behaviour" - so true!

[coronafiona]

It's shit because you don't have support. Hope you have a couple of mates in real life who can help you

[Restinggoddess]

What needs to change?

I think we get so used to thinking, sorting and doing for others that we get ourselves into a tail spin and then wonder why we feel exhausted
I think 50s get better

Go back to GP re HRT - this type may not be working for you
Do you have siblings- can they help re parents. Unfortunately there is little
you can do exceptrepeat a mantra to your dad that you are concerned. It’s difficult for everyone to accept parents ageing ( including the parents themselves)
So your child mucks up A levels - there are resits and there are alternatives- this is their life ( even if it is hard to stand and watch) Your bandies need to stand on their own two feet and know they have you for strong roots
Brother sending links re long Covid - sorry but is he trying to get out if something? It doesn’t sound like he has long Covid- it has become convenient for some people. What does he really want - attention, sympathy, an excuse

Make time for yourself, prioritise your sleep and your health - maybe get a bit selfish
As I am towards the end of the decade I feel I have started a super power - seen enough of life to know it usually works out in the end and that you can’t control anyone other than yourself ( this is perhaps against the mind set we have been raised with but it’s time to put yourself first)
Equally I recognise the drains on my life and do my best to minimise them

Wishing you the best - half a century under your belt your superpower is only just beginning

[mrsgreggspastry]

I think it's overwhelm with life rather than age specifically. You could tell your brother to text less about covid just now because of all the stress you have with the dcs and your mum. Let your eldest take a gap year if needed and don't worry about the exams. Start to make some specific time each week just for you and stick to it - such as go and get yourself a coffee, or go to the library or for a wander round somewhere new. See the GP if you need some counselling just for space to talk things over, or look online.

[Babyroobs]

It is a hard time ! I am taking HRT which is helping. Demanding job, boss who dumps everything on me and thinks I can solve all the problems of a failing service. Hopefully moving soon to a wfh job which will cut down the stress of the traffic commute. I just want to retire but that is so far off ebing a realistic option. DD currently tanking her A'levels, sobbing daily, wrote nothing on the first paper of her best subject, likely will have to re-take or come up with an alternative plan. Ds3 started Uni last year, not enjoying it, depressed, wants to start afresh at another Uni, thinks he has adhd but not yet diagnosed. One elderly dad who is fantastic and fortunately we don't have to do anything for his currently except cook him a meal once a week, not sure I could cope if he needed support too !! I really hope things get a bit better for you soon.

[Babyroobs]

@Blanketpolicy

Early 50s, and concurrently menopausal, working FT in a full on job, supporting elderly parents with serious health issues and a teen through exam years were the hardest and most exhausting of my life.

Exams are over now and ds is at uni, parents are now gone. Now mid 50s and I am still on a downer with brain fog and trying to find the motivation and confidence to find a new sense of purpose outside of work. I am grateful my boss is the same age as me and going through the same thing so "gets it" and we can support each other.

This is the only good thing about my workplace - we are all a similar age, all on HRT, all understand each others stresses and worries and we do all support each other well. I am moving jobs soon but will hugely miss my current supportive team ( except for manager ! ).

[Mary46]

Hope u ok op. Im around your age. It got overwhelming a few years back we both had unwell fathers plus a motor neurone too. I found it all overwhelming. Ive no tips except take a bit time for you too. I took hrt patch but no huge changes so wasnt that impress by it! Its def hard being pulled all ways

[dimpleknee]

Totally get this. Except I didn't have my kids until late- combination of circumstances, so I'm 51 and have a 14 and 11 year old when most of my peers are waving theirs off to uni or work. Lost both parents, no family and recently divorced so carrying the can for everyone and mo sign of being able to retire until
mid to late 60's. I'm exhausted.

[fetchacloth]

Having read the comments on this thread so far I can't help but think that there was a very good reason why 60 used to be the retirement age for women.
I know that the reason for the change was to tick the box for sexual equality, but most ladies, me included, are knackered and burnt out by the end of our 50s.😪

[MumblesParty]

I know what you mean OP. I’m mid 50s, single parent , got 2 teens, one doing A levels at the moment so lots of angst. My Mum is getting increasingly frail and needing more support. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to seamlessly pass from caring for my kids to caring for my Mum. I used to fantasise about being middle aged and going on European mini breaks, wandering round castles and eating in nice cafes but I can’t see it happening any time soon. You’re not alone.

[allthewoes]

I think it's a tough age, when you're stuck between a two generation shit sandwich.

I don't have it as tough as you as mine lives close by but I've also been caring for sick parents at a time when I assumed I would be "getting my life back" (my parents ended up getting sick at 70, I'd kind of thought they'd be older!)

[Savoury]

Sounds very rough OP. Just sending you good wishes.

[Sunnysunbun]

Yes. I have the same age kids - exams and uni stress. An elderly mother and an elderly uncle. Work is stressful beyond belief and I’ve stopped sleeping.
Nightmare.
Oh and elderly in-laws.
I feel permanently guilty.
I have so many things I need to do I never feel I can relax. I’ve got to get a gardener for my uncle, my in-laws both need hearing aids and I need to take everyone to every appointment. My OH is amazing but he doesn’t understand my guilt, anxiety and inability to sleep.
I probably need HRT but I don’t have time to phone a doctor let alone see one.
I had to miss out on going to the gym this week - because I had to clean my uncles house and do his garden - and that hasn’t helped.
I love them all and I want to do the right thing by them. But it’s hard. Sending you love OP X

[DestinationFavourite543]

If you work can you take some time off sick or book some holiday off ?

[StillMedusa]

Empathy.
I'm on HRT which has helped with menopause and wanting to kill dh for breathing
Still caring for DS2 (and always will be he has autism) Supporting eldest through a horrid divorce (not her fault ..bastard ex cheated). Now working p/t so I can care for dgs..long hours as DD and SIL are nurses.
Mum's beginning to worry me...
|Endless caring, endless worry... and also broke as caring rather than earning!

[GulfCoastBeachGirl]

My OH is amazing but he doesn’t understand my guilt, anxiety and inability to sleep.

Very good point @Sunnysunbun . I think many (most?) men just don't "get" the way we can be affected by all the responsibilities we shoulder at this stage. My husband is great and very supportive but since he falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow he just doesn't understand what it's like to have worry keep you up at night.

[TucItin]

What do you mean "we have no health system" ?

That sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[DestinationFavourite543]

Can you out source any of the tasks that you are doing to local people near your parents ?

Can you get the people you live with to do more ?

What happens if you go on holiday or get sick ?

[TheTaylorNation]

Look at it another way. Losing parents is part of the circle of life. How fortunate are you to have had yours for so long and for them to have known their grandchildren. My mother was dead before I was 20 and my father before I was 30 - they weren't old just unlucky.

In laws are ailing now, it's sad to watch their demise but how fortunate are they to have raised their own children and watched their grandchildren grow up.

I'm supporting DC through A levels and GCSEs - whatever their results they'll be fine because they are young and life will offer a variety of routes.

[TheTaylorNation]

most ladies, me included, are knackered and burnt out by the end of our 50s

What nonsense. It's certainly not true of the women I know.

[Zippedydoo123]

I find cooking with turmeric helps concentration and memory a fair bit. Adding black pepper towards the very end of the cooking to aid absorption. In addition eating a small handful of nuts daily will help. Walnuts brazil nuts and almond nuts being the main ones.

Stress and too much on our plates will never help though.

[connie26]

I hear you op. Feeling very much the same.