My feed

to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.


Does anyone else in their 50s feel like it's all getting a bit too much?

36 replies

Larner · 24/05/2023 21:28

Struggling with perimenopause, hrt helps a bit but my GOD the downer when I have my two weeks on progesterone, mother likely has dementia, won't admit it because why would you it is terrifying, but nevertheless I'm driving 2 hours each way every other weekend trying to keep on top of things and dancing around the subject without overly irritating my now physically feeble but still mentally aggressive father, one kid doing A Levels, missed half his GCSE content, who knows what will happen there, doesn't want to go to any of the universities that have offered him, tbf he's predicted four A stars so could possibly get somewhere better with a year out, but if he fucks up then what, other kid doing GCSEs, probably won't get great grades, glad he's going to school at all tbh, been wobbly these past few years. Brother has long covid he says, constantly sending me links to medical studies about it and telling me all about the tests he has which don't show anything is going on but that's what happens apparently . Obv like everyone else in the country I am skint and knackered and praying I don't injure myself or get ill because we have no health system any more. I honestly feel like I'm running on empty on a daily basis and cannot sustain this long term. This is a SHIT stage of life. Anyone else?

OP posts:
Theskyoutsideisblue · 25/05/2023 05:42

Totally yes. Just feel a crushing weight of responsibility

WizardinTraining · 25/05/2023 06:34

It’s rubbish - as usual women bear the brunt of looking after kids and parents while feeling awful physically, trying to remain professional at work and have a life outside.

I really sympathise OP, I’m a single parent too, finally got myself sorted and feel like it’s ‘my time’ but there are so many demands on that time 🙁

Robbiesraft · 25/05/2023 08:36

Zippedydoo123 · 25/05/2023 04:56

I find cooking with turmeric helps concentration and memory a fair bit. Adding black pepper towards the very end of the cooking to aid absorption. In addition eating a small handful of nuts daily will help. Walnuts brazil nuts and almond nuts being the main ones.

Stress and too much on our plates will never help though.

I agree with this. Start where you can with food. Prioritise healthy eating for you. Don't worry if anyone else turns their nose up. Cook for YOUR health. Oily fish, fruit and veg (fresh, frozen, tinned all good) will help.

FannythePinkFlamingo · 25/05/2023 08:46

I'm with you. I'm 51 and the DC are adults and have flown the nest but I've traded them for an elderly, disabled DM. Also working FT in a job which I used to enjoy but now resent. I'm the higher earner so I've got to keep going. This should be my time, but it's not.

bringbacksideburns · 25/05/2023 09:12

Yep. It’s draining. I have two adult kids at home who can bicker like they are 10, although they actually got on better when they were 10! One temping after graduation but looking to other things( all expensive) and with dyspraxia and no practical common sense and daughter working hard at Uni but living at home, and spends most weekends at boyfriends but has meltdowns due to anxiety disorder. Love them dearly but feel like I’ll never get my house back.

Husband currently undergoing tests on kidneys, has hernia and recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis which is horrendous at times. Can’t retire yet at 60, although I’m trying to get him to ask to go on a 3 day week.

Not in the fortunate position of many on here who seem to have partners on £100K a year and who can spend their time gardening and going to the WI. I will be working full time for next five years at least. Then hopefully once mortgage paid can re evaluate but don’t want to stay in this house.

But biggest problem is elderly parents. Mother a toxic narcissist and dad the one she abuses and has done for 60 years plus. Constant worry of what to do with her if something happens to dad as she refuses to get hearing aid and glasses fixed and is losing it. Brother with schizophrenia who was doing brilliantly and works, but who I think has been fucking about with his meds for last 18 months.

Everything is so expensive. I’m just thankful house nearly paid for! And for good friends.

I try to focus on things to look forward to like holidays etc and remind myself that others have it worse but by god I sometimes feel exhausted. I sometimes have to take myself upstairs just to get peace away from it all.

But yep I hear you! Life seemed so much simpler once.

beguilingeyes · 25/05/2023 09:41

I think this 'sandwich generation' is a relatively recent thing. People are living longer and children are leaving home later so we're stuck in the middle caring at both ends.
Both of my parents are dead but DHs mother has recently been widowed and has early on-set alzheimers so we're there a lot.

Wombastic · 25/05/2023 09:43

I was really stuck earlier in my life- having to do everything for kids (loved it though). This is my time to work hard, to work out, to see friends try new things and love life.

I do exercise even when I don’t enjoy it and watch my diet but generally I have more energy than ever and feel great!

Lemme · 25/05/2023 09:46

You are not alone. Traumatised kids, sen issues, ill parents, health issues,
failing eyesight, brain fog, etc.
I have started hrt and also occasionally going out and getting smashed like I did in my twenties. Just thought - what’s the bloody point? Can’t control everything. Might as well have fun.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 25/05/2023 09:54

Similar position. I have started HRT this week. Please god may it help. I never anticipated that my DC would have it so hard or life would be so unpredictable. ( pandemic, CoL, climate change). I naively thought they would coast through uni and leave home at 21 like I did! DH totally burnt out, with some health issues, and counting days to retirement.

That said, I still wrest time for myself. Went out with a friend yesterday for a drink and feel momentarily better.

MintyCedric · 25/05/2023 13:33

Late forties here and dear god this decade has been an absolute shitshow.

Divorce, nearly two years living with family until me and DD had a home of our own, horrible job for 5 years to pay the mortgage which then went south in the pandemic due to my lovely dad being put on long-term end of life care. Situation had a cataclysmic effect on my relationship with my mum (we’ve no other family), and my mental health and have recently been diagnosed with GAD, PD and PTSD.
Don’t get me started on parenting through the late teens 🙄, and of course perimenopause.

Two years since dad passed away I feel like I’m starting to get back on my feet with the help of HRT and therapy but it’s still so blood hard to juggle finances/work, with being available for family commitments and trying to take care of myself.

DD worries that I’ll become a hermit when she goes to uni in September…sounds like a bloody great idea to me.

SummerSimmer · 25/05/2023 14:18

I think it’s the helping aging parents that tips many over the edge. I’m 54 and after 4 mega stressful years my 72 year old DM has gone into a nursing home and honestly I feel like a different person.
My advise to anyone going through this is to have boundaries regarding what you are prepared to do for parents.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.