Hearing the words "just wait" as a FTM

[SadAsHell]

I'm a first time mother, gave birth to my daughter last year and I've heard the words "just wait" repeatedly since I announced I was pregnant.

During pregnancy...
"just wait for the sleepless night"
"just wait for the boob engorgement"
"just wait for the endless peeing"
"just wait for the post partum poo"

Now that the baby is here...
"oh this stage is the easiest, just wait until (insert ANY stage above the one you are actually at)"
"just wait until they are teenagers, you won't sleep at all then"
"just wait until they are moving"
"just wait until they start school"
"just wait until you go back to work"
"just wait until you have two of them"....

It's endless!

Not once has it been said to me in a positive, exciting way, but ALWAYS in a tone that would put the fear of God into you, in a "you've no fucking idea how much harder it's about to get" tone....

I dont understand why..... Do they want to make other people terrified? Do they feel better about themselves for doing it? Are they jealous a person seemingly isn't hating a certain stage as much as they did? It baffles me! Has anyone else experienced the same?

I got this a lot too with my first, he was an angel and a great sleeper so weirdly, with my second I got people HOPING he was a terror cus I had it 'too easy' with my first. Very strange. Just take it with a pinch of salt and do what I do now, tell the ftm's all the amazing things about having a baby.
It's strange but, people are strange.

I don’t get why people do this but I do think it’s really bloody British to squash cynically on any glimmer of joy and happiness.

i agree, it’s always a negative thing. how about saying just wait until they smile at you, just wait until they first say ‘i love you mummy’, just wait until they reach out to hold your hand when they’re walking, etc. it’s like people absolutely hate children and raising them, and whilst it’s definitely hard it is also brilliant and scaring mums about the future is so bloody miserable of these people when the future is actually full of beautiful happy moments!

It's a fine line to walk between being over negative and being over positive... So many new mums say "why did nobody warn me?"

It's always so negative. I found it every tough, none of it was constructive either, it was almost sneering at me over what was yet to come. I hated it.

I suppose I don't really agree with "warning" new mothers.... Take for example the sleep. Telling me when I'm pregnant that sleepless days and nights will be hard isn't going to prepare me any more for it and I can't exactly change my mind and say actually no u don't want to do this anymore! 😂

Yanbu it's cruel amd unsympathetic and it's just because they don't remember. And actually, for me, so far, it has got easier and easier (I appreciate my daughter is not yet 3 but I still had my share of Just Waits).

Firstly, pregnancy was shockingly awful and the insomnia I had then WAS worse than sleeplessness with a newborn. No one had sympathy and said it was preparing me for the lack of sleep with a newborn. Sure my newborn woke every 2h but in the second half of my pregnancy I had less sleep even than that, due to pgp, kicks, hiccups, endless skin itching aargh. So, yeah. If you're pg, "just wait" in a good way, it gets easier after the birth.

Then having a newborn was the hardest stage of parenting so far for me and every 3m it's got easier. It got easier when breastfeeding got easier. It got easier when she would go in the bouncer. When she could sit up on her own. When she could crawl. When she could walk. When she could talk. When she potty trained. When she could have a conversation. Every stage has got easier!

So, just wait...it continually gets easier (so far). I know this trend might not continue but it's been solid so far.

Assuming you have a new born?

Just wait until they smile at you for the first time.
Just wait until the first baby giggles.
Just wait until they say “mama” for the first time
Just wait for how happy they are to pull themselves up to standing
Just wait for the first steps
Just wait for the first I love you
Just wait for when you find out more about what they love and what their personality is like
Just wait when you burst with pride as nursery tell you they’ve been kind today

Just you wait @SadAsHell

Thank @Mummy08m and @User1367349 those comments have actually been really lovely to read!!! You forgot about all those things you will experience that make it all so worth it.

I think most of the time people are just making absent minded conversation and don't mean anything negative by it.

Just wait until she says mama
Just wait until you see the biggest smile of her day is when you walk into her room in the morning
Just wait until she puts up her arms to hug you
Just wait until she chooses her first story book herself for bedtime
Just wait until she walks in snow
Just wait until she draws you a picture
Just wait until she laughs so much she gets hiccups and that makes her laugh more
Just wait for her first friend
Just wait until she lets her first cat or dog and is so excited about the soft fur
Just wait until she can tell you she loves you

No one tells you how damned FUN babies and young children are.

Have a bubble bath in the evening and chuck in a glow stick and you’ll think you invented cinema.
Teach her to blow a dandelion clock and you’re practically David Attenborough

My eldest is in his 20s. Yes, there have been hard bits, scary bits, gut wrenching bits, heartbreaking bits. But mostly I remember the joy.

My first was an angel compared to her younger brother, who at times i would have sold to anyone that would take him. Don't count your chickens just yet.

Have a bubble bath in the evening and chuck in a glow stick and you’ll think you invented cinema.

I love this @JulieHoney !

And yes I know exactly what you mean by becoming David Attenborough, when I explain any random simple science the wonderment and awe on her face is amazing and makes me feel I'm the fountain of all knowledge lol.

One time she asked why the windows fog up in the morning and I explained about moist breath on a cold surface and got her to exhale on a mirror and her face was like WOW, SCIENCE haha it was fantastic! And then nursery told us she kept going on about it later that day! Gosh does it beat being pregnant, yes, yes it does.

There are so many wonderful ‘just waits’ to come your way! Every new stage has it’s challenges but also it’s joys. I was absolutely dreading the teenage bit but love hanging out with my 15 year old (that’s not to say I don’t tear my hair out as well!!)
Just enjoy your daughter and ignore the misery guts trying to bring you down!!

Do they want to make other people terrified? Do they feel better about themselves for doing it? Are they jealous a person seemingly isn't hating a certain stage as much as they did? It baffles me! Has anyone else experienced the same?

I think it's some of all that - and even with teens you get just you wait - it's not impossible we'll hit troubles but so far they're 90% lovely and frankly getting more so not less.

Personalities of parents, kids external stressors etc all play a role - but yes some people do seem to want misery.

No one tells you how damned FUN babies and young children are.

This is so true.

@HateMyJobRightNow , just wait until your teen introduces you to a genre/series/cultural thing that you’d never have tried yourself, and preens with pride in being able to introduce YOU to something new instead of the other way around.

It is just wonderful - opening your world, and also their engagement and sense of achievement!

Just wait until they're older... you'll find yourself doing that too. 😂

I will admit to having done it once. But that was to a friend complaining that she had to rotate toys every 5 days otherwise her 6 month old got bores and she said it was tiring trying to entertain her. I had my two preschoolers running around and said she should enjoy this time!

This. I was in the US for several months during my first pregnancy and oh, the comments were so lovely!

”You’re going to be the BEST Mom!” (From someone who had only spent an hour in my company 😂)
”Being a Mom is the greatest blessing in the world”
”You’re about the experience the greatest love of your life”
”I’m so jealous, mine are all grown up now and I wish I could do it over”

etc etc

FWIW OP I absolutely love being a Mum and every stage has been bloody BRILLIANT. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, early years of primary, tween years (so far!) You’ve got so much fun coming for you.

I think I'm so allergic to hearing it I'll never say it! It could very well happen that I forget how horrible it made me feel but I hope not 🙈

I completely agree! My partner and I always talk about this, there's some people who can't just say something nice and encouraging or positive about parenthood, it's always 'just wait until....'.

Just wait til they say “mummy you’re my best friend”

Just wait til they run out of school screaming “Mummyyyy”

Just wait til they draw you a picture of you and you can tell what it is!

Are you actually saying that to me or using it as an example of the exact type of comments I am referring to in the thread? 🙈🥴

I got ‘Just wait until he starts crawling, you’ll have to watch him all the time’. And now he’s crawling they’ve evolved to ‘wait until he starts walking you’ll be chasing him everywhere’. They won’t give me a minute without a threat 😂

I find this really annoying too.

What I think it is is a kind of cry for help - they've been in the thick of it for years and struggling, they're clumsily trying to use humour to convey that and sort of check that everyone else finds it as hard as them. They draw comfort from thinking that. But I remember how annoying it was so I'm careful not to do it.