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Original poster

My friend said this to me…

46 replies

Spencer2 · 23/05/2023 18:54

Sorry for the second post of the day, not only am I in a pickle over ds eyebrows lol but also a little put out by what my friend has said to me.

So.. we were talking about mine and DH’s sex life following birth of 3 month old. It’s partly gone downhill because I am tired juggling two young children. It is also partly because I am currently not using contraception and do not want to get pregnant and partly because DH is also extremely tired from working ridiculous hours.

She basically said (not word for word) that I should be worried because if he isn’t asking for it and isn’t bothered then he must be getting it from somewhere else!

It’s made me feel kinda sick and numb all day and not sure how I should take it.

Should I be worried or should I ignore…

Also, whilst I am here and kind of on the topic (kinda), I am very stuck with contraception options. I have to have something non hormonal which I think only leaves the copper coil but i’ve heard awful things about it?

OP posts:
Stickmansmum · 23/05/2023 18:56

She’s an idiot (or someone who picks bad men). Most people are barely shagging with a 3 month old. Even with a 1 yr old. Don’t mind her!

Original poster
Spencer2 · 23/05/2023 18:57

@Stickmansmum I mean, I was under that impression too!

OP posts:
autumnboys · 23/05/2023 18:58

Not all men are sex-obsessed. It’s a shame your friend’s experiences have led her to believe that.

just to say, I loved my copper coil. DH he had the snip, but if I had to use contraception again, that would be my choice.

Original poster
Spencer2 · 23/05/2023 19:00

@autumnboys thank you! I am an absolute disaster when it comes to pain.. is it really that awful when you first have it inserted? Embarrassing to ask but here goes.. dh won’t be able to feel it there will he!?

OP posts:
tashx · 23/05/2023 19:00

My boy is 17 months old
And we haven't had sex since I got pregnant
I know for certain my husband is not getting it elsewhere
Take no notice

frozendaisy · 23/05/2023 19:01

What a lock of croc.

Honestly as if every new dad is a rampant sex pest that can't look past the mother of their child being a bit under-sexy just after birth had to go in the hunt for vagina.

Many many many single men don't go hunting for sex if they haven't had it for 3 months.
And many many many single men won't just bang any hole.
Some will. But they are the grunts and you can usually spot them from 100 paces.

Sounds like your "friend" might be jealous in some way and wants to bring you down.

If you want to put your mind at rest just ask baby daddy "hey babe do you have any inclination to hunt for hole elsewhere right now because you know we are in a bit of a lull, Gemma said you are likely to be".

Could be the conversation starter you both need.

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 23/05/2023 19:03

Is she sure she isn’t judging your DH by her own standards? My DH didn’t get sex for 6 months after both of our children and he just accepted it because he’s not a knob. Sounds like your poor tired husband is also not a knob. Congratulations on your new baby.

ChrisPPancake · 23/05/2023 19:04

Your "friend" is ridiculous.

Winter2020 · 23/05/2023 19:05

It seems that your friend doesn't understand what it means to be in a committed family unit. She may not understand the work a new baby brings. Your priority is recovering and caring for your baby, your husband's is trying to look after his family and also work and provide. Intimate relationships can take a back seat for a while. Don't let your friends insecurity make you feel insecure. Your relationship is not her business.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/05/2023 19:06

The vast majority of men are perfectly capable of doing without sex when they have a new baby in the house. Most are just bloody knackered.

CrumbliestCrumble · 23/05/2023 19:06

Shes an idiot..
Not all men are wanting sex 24/7. Or pester for it.
Its great he doesn't as he appreciates you have a young baby and both tired

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/05/2023 19:11

I think i'd just disregard it OP, just because someone else says something doesn't make it true at the best of times and something like that is only a product of her own insecurities or experiences and nothing to do with your private relationship with your partner, that she has no understanding of.

blacksax · 23/05/2023 19:14

I'm trying to think of anything more bitchy that someone could say to a new mother with such a young baby, but I can't.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/05/2023 19:17

Has she had a 3 month old?

We’re using condoms then DH is getting a vasectomy as we’re done, are condoms an option?

PinkButtercups · 23/05/2023 19:17

What a horrible friend.

She chats out her bum too.

Your baby is 3m old most women aren't even thinking about sex then!

HappyMe6 · 23/05/2023 19:18

Nasty comment made by your so called friend op, and ridiculous too.

ThatFraggle · 23/05/2023 19:19

For the coil I have heard you can ask for local anaesthetic beforehand (as in not on the day, discuss when booking the procedure). And also take a couple of paracetamol.

ThatFraggle · 23/05/2023 19:20

And it's less painful than having another baby...

GoodChat · 23/05/2023 19:20

She's pathetic. Ignore her. He's lucky he's had any sex at all 3 months after a second baby.

Lamelie · 23/05/2023 19:21

Stupid woman. Or maybe she has awful men in her life, nonetheless she shouldn’t have said it.
One of the reasons I love my dh so much is that I couldn’t for a whole year. He never complained.

Partytastic · 23/05/2023 19:22

Men’s testosterone often reduces when they have a new baby so their sex drive reduces. With a 3 month old I’m impressed you’re wanting to have sex at all.

TiredOfCleaning · 23/05/2023 19:22

frozendaisy · 23/05/2023 19:01

What a lock of croc.

Honestly as if every new dad is a rampant sex pest that can't look past the mother of their child being a bit under-sexy just after birth had to go in the hunt for vagina.

Many many many single men don't go hunting for sex if they haven't had it for 3 months.
And many many many single men won't just bang any hole.
Some will. But they are the grunts and you can usually spot them from 100 paces.

Sounds like your "friend" might be jealous in some way and wants to bring you down.

If you want to put your mind at rest just ask baby daddy "hey babe do you have any inclination to hunt for hole elsewhere right now because you know we are in a bit of a lull, Gemma said you are likely to be".

Could be the conversation starter you both need.

Gosh. Do you really talk about sex IRL as looking for hole? Because that seems dreadfully revolting.

Disydoll12 · 23/05/2023 19:26

I despair the behaviour of some women. Ignore her. What a horrible seed to plant in the mind of a woman who just had a baby. Disgusting.

ThreeRingCircus · 23/05/2023 19:28

She isn't your friend, she's a bitch. It is TOTALLY normal not to be having sex when you have a 3 month old. I'd laugh and say don't judge my relationship by your own low standards.

It's an appalling thing that she said to you as a new mum. Basically that you should worry as your DH must be cheating on you. I'd be cutting contact with someone like her.

monsteramunch · 23/05/2023 19:30

I would just feel sorry for her that she has apparently only known men who are such colossal bastards. The decent ones don't think or behave how she describes them, at all.