Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My friend said this to me…

46 replies

Spencer2 · 23/05/2023 18:54

Sorry for the second post of the day, not only am I in a pickle over ds eyebrows lol but also a little put out by what my friend has said to me.

So.. we were talking about mine and DH’s sex life following birth of 3 month old. It’s partly gone downhill because I am tired juggling two young children. It is also partly because I am currently not using contraception and do not want to get pregnant and partly because DH is also extremely tired from working ridiculous hours.

She basically said (not word for word) that I should be worried because if he isn’t asking for it and isn’t bothered then he must be getting it from somewhere else!

It’s made me feel kinda sick and numb all day and not sure how I should take it.

Should I be worried or should I ignore…

Also, whilst I am here and kind of on the topic (kinda), I am very stuck with contraception options. I have to have something non hormonal which I think only leaves the copper coil but i’ve heard awful things about it?

OP posts:

RhymingGuitars · 23/05/2023 19:33

The main thing is are you and your DH currently happy with your sex life (babies and toddlers are hard work)?

Nothing wrong with a quick chat about how you both feel right now and whether your levels of intimacy are right for you as a couple.

Your "friend" sounds like a shit stirring piece of baggage. She's either trying to cause drama (where none exists) or she is the drama and wants you to know.

Peachy2005 · 23/05/2023 19:38

If you are stopping at 2, the snip is a great option. Condoms for a while, till you figure it out.

Your friend sounds unpleasant!

darjeelingrose · 23/05/2023 19:45

Poor her. Low expectations of this sort usually are a testament to a bad experience. She clearly hasn't been in a good relationship.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 23/05/2023 19:48

Another vote for condoms. I found it a relief to be off the pill and to not have to have a coil put in.

Solonge · 23/05/2023 20:00

I suggest you find a new best friend. She sounds like an idiot and an unkind one at that.

ThreeRingCircus · 23/05/2023 20:01

Yet another vote for condoms. DH and I are done after 2 as well so use condoms until he has the snip.

DangerousBeans1 · 23/05/2023 20:05

That's an awful thing for your friend to say. It's not true at all. If you are feeling charitable you could put it down to her having shitty men in her life.

On the contraception front. I have a 14 month old, and a five year old. I also can't do hormonal, gives me horrendous migraines and mood swings. We use condoms. DH is on the waiting list for the snip, and it can't come fast enough....😂

Awoooga · 23/05/2023 20:15

That was a cruel thing to say to you. I wouldn’t be telling her anything private again.

Cotswoldmama · 23/05/2023 20:17

I think it's says more about your friend and her choice in partners. I would say at 3 months post partum not much sex would be going on as you'll both be exhausted. I've got the copper coil and love it I've had it for about 3 years now. My periods have always been light and they've stayed the same. The initial having it fitted wasn't the nicest but wasn't too bad. It took about 10 minutes, there was a bit of spotting and cramping for about a day then all was good. I think it's one of those things where you only hear the horror stories!

WetBandits · 23/05/2023 20:23

What a dickhead!

Copper coil is a good shout, having it fitted is very crampy and pinchy but most women are fine afterwards. Have you been told you can’t have any hormones or do you just not want any?

BubblinTrouble · 23/05/2023 20:30

Copper coil for me and it’s great. Yes it’s a bit uncomfortable putting it in but I breathed through it and was over quickly. I had cramps after but nothing paracetamol couldn’t fix. Husband says he can’t feel it when we’re having sex but if he is using fingers then he can feel the string but doesn’t affect anything. I’d like to use condoms and for him to get the snip but he isn’t up for it annoyingly.

SistersNotCisters · 23/05/2023 20:52

Me and my husband and I didn't dtd for almost 2 years after having our second child. We have a fantastic relationship but neither of us had any sex drive for ages. Both tired, the time was never right and DH definitely did not stray. It simply wasn't possible to hide it if he did. His libido is still low tbh and that's fine with me. Not all men are cheaters if they don't get sex.

Candlez · 23/05/2023 21:45

Maybe I pin

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 23/05/2023 22:22

Wow, what a low opinion of men she has. I've been unwell for some months necessitating in a couple of hospital stays. Me and DH have had sex only four times so far this year and it wasn't my most inspired performance any of those times... he hasn't mentioned it because because he's not a royal fuckhead (or 15yrs old). Ignore.

Comtesse · 23/05/2023 22:35

Your “friend” is a moron. I am on my second mirena and love it - I know opinions can be mixed but it is a godsend for me.

Thinkingofmovingtosea · 23/05/2023 22:40

They are projecting... watch out.. This is classic toxic friend syndrome.. picking holes in your relationship.. because they are unhappy in their life or sex life ... or

if you read Andrew Marshall's books they always ask this question when a person in a couple has an affair.. how often are you having sex.. .. I guess and forgive me.. if you are physically able to have sex.. it might be a valid question ( eg use a condom) I think the most important thing is to ask how was he after the birth of your other child.. and also if you joke about the lack of sex etc.. if its a moot subject then just keep an eye on things.. don't want to freak you out but been there and worn the tshirt...

DMLady · 23/05/2023 22:49

Spencer2 · 23/05/2023 19:00

@autumnboys thank you! I am an absolute disaster when it comes to pain.. is it really that awful when you first have it inserted? Embarrassing to ask but here goes.. dh won’t be able to feel it there will he!?

OP, it’s certainly nowhere near as painful as childbirth! It’s a bit like a smear test — uncomfortable rather than very painful. And no, he won’t be able to feel it.

WonderingWanda · 23/05/2023 23:00

She sounds ridiculously insecure and women like that often end up with areseholes so this might be her experience. The rest of us have higher standards and end up with men who respect us a lot more than to put pressure on us for sex after just giving birth. 3 months after giving birth I was still dealing with some significant healing and we were both exhausted from lack of sleep. Sleep and food in between baby care were our only concerns.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/05/2023 23:02

She sounds like a right twat!

Sorry to derail but what's the eyebrow drama you mentioned? Do you have a link to the thread?

mrwalkensir · 23/05/2023 23:23

Has she had a good relationship and/or children? You and your partner are knackered - ignore her!

dizzydizzydizzy · 24/05/2023 00:04

Your friend reminds me of my friend. My friend has many good qualities but she has a very bad one. - she comes up with illogical and often offensive theories for people's behaviour, health problems etc. for example, I'm having a lot of problems with DP at the moment and she keeps telling me he has dementia even though the experts (GP and Women's Aid ) are telling me his behaviour is due to domestic abuse. She is also of the opinion that most of us have suffered chronic/permanent harm from the covid vaccines. If I point out that the medical and scientific community say the opposite, she'll then tell me there is a big conspiracy.

Flip

1 2