Bloodywhitecat, totally get/understand where you are coming from, been there in EXACTLY the same position. Husband passed with cancer 4 months after our wedding.
I am still grieving, if you truly love, it does not die with that person, but it gets easier to live with, on occasions i get very sad for what might of been, especially when i hear, see, read things couples plan, days out, walking holding hands, plans for retirement ect.
But it REALLY does get easier.
I joined an online group called Way up. It saved me, for the first 2 years i only read posts, from male and females, then i wrote a few, then i arranged a few meet ups, im now best friends with a few, a man who lives in the same village whos wife committed suicide , a lady in the next village whos husband also died of cancer.
We wuppers are there to support/ rally /moan/ grieve /help from finances/ to meet ups/holidays/or even just a cup of coffee. We are all over the country, over 6000 in total maybe more, you will be surprised how many are already near you hiding in plain site, from all walks of life.
We are not moaners, just like minded, some have a great time, others do puzzles others crafts, some do walks, some do holidays and travel, there are so many parts of way up, we are aged from 25+, although there is another part for under 25,s i can not recall the name of it now.
Please google it, its based in the UK although we have wuppers based in America, France, Spain too. Theres no fee, its just a hand hold, somewhere to let it all out, the why us, and the how do i live with this pain situations, as and when you need it.
It may say we are not taking any more on at present, but keep trying, as its run by volunteers they can only process so many each day.
People DO NOT understand how it feels until they walk in our shoes.
I can promise it wont go away, but it can get easier.