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Original poster

If you allow sleepovers, what age did they start?

30 replies

Oysterbabe · 22/05/2023 07:14

DD is 7 and Y2. She's been invited on a sleepover by a school friend. She's only ever had sleepovers at grandma's. She wants to go but I feel a bit nervous about it. They're a lovely family and I've met both parents plenty of times. She's been on play dates there.
I'm minded to let her go but be poised to go and collect her if necessary.

OP posts:

DahliaRose · 22/05/2023 07:20

When I was younger I slept over at my friends from about age 7 or 8 but only my close friends and if my mum knew them.

I was also not allowed to sleep over with friends who had older brothers which I thought was weird but understand now.

This said, now as a mum, I would be very wary about letting my son sleep over with friends unless it was one of my own friends children.

Go with your gut.

MaryJean87 · 22/05/2023 07:22

I allowed my eldest from age 7 and I regret it. He used to regularly stay over with the same mate. He tells me now he was never happy there and didn't really want to go. So far I haven't allowed any of my other kids and I'm against it. I don't see a reason for them to sleep over at a young age. Maybe age 12 is more suitable.

StMarysTrainee · 22/05/2023 07:24

The summer before they start High School. As a victim of childhood sexual abuse I insist on this. My children knew that this was unequivocal so didn’t fuss.

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thaegumathteth · 22/05/2023 07:33

7 and that's when they went on first brownies / beavers trips too.

However, only ever with people who I was also friends with.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 22/05/2023 07:33

Year 3 here, although I would consider year 2 under those circumstances with a close family friend.

Original poster

Oysterbabe · 22/05/2023 08:26

It was reading about the Wonderland Club that put the fear of god into me, but I want to strike the right balance of being cautious but letting her enjoy her childhood.
In the house will be both parents, a younger sibling, a twin sibling and his friend, who is also in DD's class. I'm as confident as I can be that she'll be safe. You can never be 100% though can you.

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 22/05/2023 08:29

In your scenario I would say yes.
You know the parents and so does she.
She’s confident she’ll enjoy it.
Discuss what she should do if she feels uncomfortable about anything at any point.

gertrudemortimer · 22/05/2023 09:45

I've just had one of my good friends daughters sleep over. Friends dd and my son are both 6 soon to be 7. I've known her since she was born and she's comfortable with me and would tell me if she wanted to go home. To my amazement they went to sleep at 8pm and woke up at 7am! It must be an age thing, they still sleep like logs and don't see the fun in staying up very late. If I was in your position I'd probably let her go and try it, say to the parents you'll be able to collect her.

Bemyclementine · 22/05/2023 10:06

I'm due to have ds1 friend stay over, they're 7, young yr 3s. Ds2 will be here also, he's 6. I'm the only adult, mum and I have been friends since the dc were born..

defi · 22/05/2023 10:18

Mines not allowed to stop over anywhere. Worked in children's care homes and it's probably skewed my perception somewhat.

mindutopia · 22/05/2023 11:08

Probably about 8, though some of the other children may have been 7 still. Might have begun a bit earlier, but it was COVID, so not even really going to other people's houses at that stage.

I think 7 would be fine if you and she know the parents well and you can be on call to come collect her if she gets a bit home sick.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2023 12:02

My eldest was 5 and my youngest was 4. I knew the families well. We hosted our first for dd1's 6th birthday, dd2 had one for her 5th birthday.

Tessisme · 22/05/2023 12:09

DS1 didn't ask until he was 14😂 Now he's nearly 15 and there have been a few, a couple of them at our house. DS2 is 10 and hasn't asked yet.

TedLasto · 22/05/2023 12:10

Year 3, aged 8. But only with friends we feel comfortable with/ know well.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 22/05/2023 12:19

DD1 was having sleepovers with her best friend from nursery aged 3. She would go there, he would come to us. It was a lovely thing for them.
DD2 is a totally different child and I can't imagine her being ready for sleepovers until she is six ish. I think you really have to judge it on the individual child.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/05/2023 12:22

DS is 8 (Y3) and has been to a few sleepovers this year - the children in his class are obsessed with them. He has gone on nights away with Beavers since he was 6.

I only let him go to homes I know well and feel comfortable with, but I am fully aware the risks are not always visible. I have friends who don't allow any sleepovers due to their own bad experiences, and to be honest I wish the issue didn't arise until the children were older.

Newuser82 · 22/05/2023 12:27

defi · 22/05/2023 10:18

Mines not allowed to stop over anywhere. Worked in children's care homes and it's probably skewed my perception somewhat.

I totally understand why you would take this stance but I'm interested to know (if you don't mind sharing?) how do you phrase this to both your children and the family who is asking for the sleepover? Just I can imagine you don't want to scare your children, or indeed upset the other child or their parents but totally understand you wanting to protect your own kids.

Blabla81 · 22/05/2023 12:50

I’m sure I’ve read this exact thread before. Maybe I’m having deja vu.

defi · 22/05/2023 12:51

^^ I'm not going to lie it is awkward. I thank them for the invitation and suggest something else as an alternative. I tell my child he can spend time with friends having play dates instead. I just hope when he's older he understands why I said no and doesn't resent me. I imagine if he has his own kids he'll get it.

AuntieMarys · 22/05/2023 12:56

I did age 9. Old enough not to want to come home.

Tarantella6 · 22/05/2023 12:59

DD1 went to a couple of 9th birthday sleepovers, there was a group of them. She was 10 last week and had 2 friends to stay. I feel like if there are more kids the adults can be a bit happier nothing bad is going to happen?!

All of these are friends she has known since Reception and they are all walking distance from our house so if anyone wanted to go home it wouldn't be a disaster.

SallyWD · 22/05/2023 13:01

We started at 8 simply because a mum with older children told me this was the right age to start! It seemed to be about right and we ever had any issues. Obviously it depends on the individual child.

Moomoo36 · 22/05/2023 13:33

My eldest started at 6, but she was a very independent and confident soul even then. She always had a great time, never any issues.

My middle dd is 7 and desperate for sleepovers to start but I just don't think she's ready yet. She can still be restless at night and just wouldn't have the confidence to be away from home for a whole night. Realistically I think it'll be another year for her at least.

ShortColdandGrey · 22/05/2023 13:54

My daughter kept asking for sleepovers this year. We tried it a few times with her cousins and she could not cope with it at all. I have told her we will try again when she is a wee bit older.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 22/05/2023 13:55

Ds was 5.

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