Reasons for school suspensions in private Vs state

[Foxesandsquirrels]

I'll preface this as obviously being very anecdotal but I have noticed that kids in my DDs circle of friends (mainly made up of swimming club, old primary and orchestra so all from a mix of local London state schools and private schools) have a very different experience with suspensions. From what I've observed and from what they've told me, it is quite common to get suspended (previously called fixed term exclusions) for things you wouldn't get suspended for in a private school. As an example three scenarios:

Example 1:

• Girl in private school brings wine in a water bottle to school and her and her friend drink it in 2 lessons. By break time they're tipsy and get caught. School confiscate the drink, send them home and they're back in the next day. I know one of the mums and she said they got a letter and had to pick her daughter up. She got a warning but no suspension.

• Girl in state school in DDs friendship group does the same as she thinks the above is funny. She gets caught, and is suspended for 5 days. No prior behaviour records. Never really gets into trouble.

Example 2:

• Boy in swimming team attends private school, different to one above. Gets caught with cannabis in school and is high. This is last day of term. This is confiscated and parents are called in. Boy is allowed back in school as normal beginning of new term.

• Boy in state school, this one is a grammar and different to one above, is caught with cannabis on him. Less in amount than Boy 1. This boy gets permanently excluded immediately.

Example 3:

• Boy in private school brings knife to school. He is caught with it and it's confiscated. He is allowed back in on the Monday. This happened on Thursday. My DD only knows about this as her friend from example 1 is in the same tutor as him and they all go swimming together. So this is the one I'm least confident in, but I have no reason to doubt it happened.

• My DD is in a Food Tech lesson and a boy in her class who does tend to mess about, decides it's a good idea to try to do the hand trick with his knife. Where you stab in between your fingers. SLT is called and he is permanently excluded.

Obviously these two incidents with the knife are different and I don't know the ins and outs. I'm also not criticising any of these schools in particular. They all have their policies and ways of working. I don't doubt they all want the best for their students and the safety of others.

These are just some examples, there's tons more but those I can't verify really but it has started to make me think, whether it's just my area or is this the case in general. Even when I worked in state schools, 10 years ago, kids got suspended quite easily, especially internal suspensions where they're in isolation for 5 or so days.
I know I'm in the unusual position of my DD having friends in various schools, but has anyone else noticed this?
Again, please note I'm not criticising any school, they can do what they want, I'm just wondering whether this is just anecdotal or it is indeed a 'thing'.

How strange that all the private schools you have anecdotes about are all so very lenient.

All the "offences" you list where they were dealt with the way you describe would warrant suspension/exclusion at the 4 private schools I have had experience off and the 3 state schools too.

Just another MN let's slag off private schools for some reason or another thread

My friends DD at private school - caught with cocaine and ketamine. I'd nearly see past it or maybe find cannabis more forgivable. Police called - no further action. School did not suspend but insisted child access therapy.

Had that happened in any other school they'd be suspended/expelled.

Their DD sees it as something to brag over and has posted about it on social media.

The mind boggles.

It's not really bullying I'm talking about. I thinks that's a whole different problem and I know for a fact private schools are way worse at dealing with it. Lots of state schools are bad with it too, but generally private schools are worse.
What I mean is more how the different sectors handle big misdemeanors. It does seem like private schools don't suspend as quickly as state, which was my suspicion and anecdotally what I have seen.

Yes

It's not really bullying I'm talking about. I thinks that's a whole different problem and I know for a fact private schools are way worse at dealing with it.

How can you possibly know that as a fact from hearing second hand stories concerning a couple of schools? It's not something published in the weekly newsletter.

I think it will vary from school to school, regardless of sector.

Three incidents that match your examples that I can think of, all private.

1. pupil turns up to school drunk, permanently excluded after second incident.
2. pupils found doing nos at school. Refused entry to 6th form (was just before GCSEs)
3. pupil found dealing drugs. Permanently excluded.

so, not "lenient".

It's not really bullying I'm talking about. I thinks that's a whole different problem and I know for a fact private schools are way worse at dealing with it.

really? You know for a fact what happens in all private schools? That clearly isn't true.

A boy (very bright and sporty) from DS's state secondary was permanently excluded in Y9 for drug offences (both selling and using) only to end up at posh private up the road. Word is he hasn't changed his ways, but is likely to bring good exam and sport results this year so I assume they're looking the other way.

This is what I mean. I know a situation like this in a private school, but nothing in state to compare it to. I just cannot believe stories like this. It would NEVER, even in the worst state school be allowed to be dealt with like this. Yet it does feel like private schools try their best to protect their students from consequences of these huge mistakes. I'm not sure if that's better or worse than state schools, but I just find it a bit strange.

Interestingly, at least one of the pupils in my examples was a top performing sportsperson.

not all schools are the same.

I'm talking about big incidents in my OP. Not bullying. Someone brought up bullying and I said I know for a fact that's dealt with way worse in privates. Obviously this will depend on the school and not ALL of them will deal with it badly, but I can put money on the fact that they mostly do.

In my experience a lot of state schools have very similar Behaviour and Exclusions Policies, based on the government guidance. I'm not surprised by any of the examples for state schools given, and I've seen a lot of exclusions / suspensions).

That's really helpful. For clarification, I'm not saying all private schools are lenient. I'm aware my experience is anecdotal with regards to big incidents. This is exactly the reason I posted, to get examples like this. It's very helpful. Thank you

This makes sense. I guess private schools would use their own policies and the differences will be much bigger school to school. I do wonder why some state schools are very trigger happy when it comes to exclusions and others aren't.

Obviously this will depend on the school and not ALL of them will deal with it badly, but I can put money on the fact that they mostly do.

How can you possibly know what they "mostly" do? You can't. I bet they are no better or worse across the board than state schools. There are certainly plenty of examples on MN of state schools dealing with bullying badly - there are lots of threads about it started by exasperated parents.

I suppose for the same reasons universities don't seem to ever get rid of people that are acting terribly. Money.

I honestly haven't got a clue how universities are ran or how they deal with difficult students. I naively assumed they'd just be asked to leave and wouldn't behave badly to begin with seeing as they're adults.

Again, I don't doubt that there's plenty of state schools that deal with bullying badly, and some privates who are brilliant with it. I stick to what I said though. I'm not going to elaborate as I don't want to derail this thread, it's not about bullying.

Here's my anecdotes:

• pupil at private school is caught drinking on school grounds at the weekend and is expelled (she was not a boarder)
• pupil in sixth form college arrives so drunk that they projectile vomit across classroom. Apology required but no further sanctions

Personal experience of both is that independent schools are far stricter.

@Cornishmumofone really interesting. Thanks for sharing. I wonder if sixth form is treated differently. I'm not at that stage yet, but always assumed it would be more lax.

it's not about bullying.

No, it's about you making unsubstantiated comments about what you know all private schools to be like.

Are they gcse year? My (state) school excluded pupils in the last half of year 11 for things that would have previously only got a suspension (eg smoking) It was the people they thought wouldn't get good enough grades in their exams, the pupils sat them as independent candidates so the schools results looked better.

All the examples I've given are Y10, but that's quite sad.

Would agree that there is more leniency at independent schools. Recently at DD's a case of reckless and potentially injurious behaviour (chemicals in another student's water bottle.) Allowed back to school 😶

I’ll bite. The independent school DH’s teaches at suspends even 18 year old boarders for drinking and expels for spirits. They expel for consensual sex on site and suspend for ‘night walking’. They expel for dealing, suspend for a first drugs offence and expel for a second.

However, parents who know their DC will be expelled often beat the school to the formal expulsion by withdrawing them so they don’t have to tell their next school they’ve been expelled.