Your best tips to not let yourself be completely overwhelmed by Life and it’s problems please?

[anewbook]

There’s a colleague at work who has been going through a tough time with the way her line manager has been treating her. HR have got involved and it has been a very stressful time for her. Despite that, she is able to put on a brave face, laugh and joke at lunchtimes etc and generally keep strong. I admire that strength.

I am struggling again with so many problems in every aspect of my life. I feel as though I am wrapped in a dark cloud and there’s no possibility to enjoy moments as I just feel so weighed down.

So, I’d love it if people could share their best strategies to not let yourself be completely devoured by life’s problems. Especially if you are someone like my colleague- how do you do it?

Things that usually help me:

• decluttering
• going for a walk
• journal

Interested in the “How not to give a f*” books but never read them.

What are yours?

[Crampo]

Perspective.

It helps to be old, I think. You've seen it all before, and know that the sun will still rise in the morning.

[Crampo]

(Have a read of Ecclesiastes!)

[PtarmisanCheese]

Meditation has changed my life, and has taught me to switch off the constant overthinking.
I was always told to practice mindfulness, but found it impossible, until I meditated, now I’m naturally mindful, it’s been a side effect of meditation.

[StroppyTop]

Yes, getting older, definitely. But also not judging the inside of your life by the outside of someone else’s. Your colleague might be feeling very differently than how she appears at work.
And counselling - it can really help to untangle some of your knots.

[TinyBarista]

I once heard the saying "if it won't matter in six months, does it matter now" which nods back to PPs point about perspective.

[Whataretheodds]

Regular exercise: i read that stress hormones leave the body through sweat and tears.

Look up 'circles of control and influence'.

Get some talking therapy

[StroppyTop]

@PtarmisanCheese I’d be really interested to hear more about how you got started with meditation, if you don’t mind sharing?

[StroppyTop]

Really wish there was a like button on MN! I would like everyone’s posts

[GinBooksChocs]

Box breathing.

Remembering you = your thoughts. We may be guilty of creating a worse situation in our heads that doesn't exist in reality.

[Whatthediddlyfeck]

@Whataretheodds

Regular exercise: i read that stress hormones leave the body through sweat and tears.

Look up 'circles of control and influence'.

Get some talking therapy

I knew about tears, but not about sweat -although it makes sense!

[Aintshesweet]

1 - Ask yourself ‘will it matter in a hundred years time?’

2 - visualise it - sometimes it’s not helpful to keep thoughts swirling in your mind as you try and solve them. Write them out individually on post it notes, stick them on your wall and then put them into categories e.g these are worries I have direct influence over, these are worries that I have some influence over, these are worries that I have absolutely no influence over

[JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle]

Something my PT (who later became a dear friend) told me.
"If at first it not go, we start in place where it do go. If you make fail, you go until you not make fail."
He is Russian and always speaks to me in the best broken English 😆

I remember rolling my eyes at him, but once I tried it, I realised that I now apply it to everything that is difficult in my life. If it doesn't work the first time or it goes wrong, I go back some steps or take things in smaller steps until things are solved/ achieved/ managed.

I'm absolutely not a mindfulness, meditative, list making person at all, but this really helped me and surprised me.

[Fedupofdiets]

@StroppyTop

Yes, getting older, definitely. But also not judging the inside of your life by the outside of someone else’s. Your colleague might be feeling very differently than how she appears at work.
And counselling - it can really help to untangle some of your knots.

I think is a really good point. My beloved Dad died 4 weeks ago and my Mum went back to work the week after, felt she needed to for her sanity. On the surface she looks to be coping but behind closed doors we can see how she is. Some people are good at putting on a 'brave face', but my Mum has her christian faith and I know it gives her great comfort not only now but through her life, I wish I had it too.

I don't know how to cope with grief, never had it before but trying to get out and walk, going for a run, talking with my family and friends. I do keep thinking most people experience this in their lifetime and just put one foot in front of the other and keep going because what else can we do when life throws shit at us?

[anewbook]

These are all amazing ideas everyone!

I feel like you are all sitting on the sofa with me, encouraging me on.

😭

Thank you.

[Whatthediddlyfeck]

@Fedupofdiets

I think is a really good point. My beloved Dad died 4 weeks ago and my Mum went back to work the week after, felt she needed to for her sanity. On the surface she looks to be coping but behind closed doors we can see how she is. Some people are good at putting on a 'brave face', but my Mum has her christian faith and I know it gives her great comfort not only now but through her life, I wish I had it too.

I don't know how to cope with grief, never had it before but trying to get out and walk, going for a run, talking with my family and friends. I do keep thinking most people experience this in their lifetime and just put one foot in front of the other and keep going because what else can we do when life throws shit at us?

I’m so sorry about your dad 💐my late dad had a strong faith and there have been times, especially in recent years where I’ve wished I had it too

[Ragwort]

I agree having a faith helps, I have a strong faith (not in a 'trying to convert you all' way - but just in a quiet, sort of 'comfortable' feeling ... that we are only here for a very short time and life still goes on).
Also I don't worry about things I cannot change ... obviously if I can do something to change a stressful situation I will but if something is completely outside of my control ... then why worry about it?
And (finally) one of the most useful phrases I have learned in my life ... you can't change anyone else, you can only change your own reaction.

[creamedcustard]

You do not = your thoughts 😁lots of good advice on here. Eckhart Tolle combined with meditation really worked for me. And I always feel better when in nature, something to do with the wide open spaces making me feel less hemmed in with 'life'.

[Connect3]

My mantra is "what's the worst that can happen?". It's usually not that bad and I can think of a fairly straight forward plan to deal with it if it happens.

[Connect3]

@Whatthediddlyfeck

I’m so sorry about your dad 💐my late dad had a strong faith and there have been times, especially in recent years where I’ve wished I had it too

I was your mum. Everyone was telling me how amazing I was in the first weeks/months while I was "keeping busy". Of course what I was really doing was putting of dealing with it.

Unfortunately the second year was much harder. 😥

[anewbook]

@Crampo @TinyBarista @GinBooksChocs @Aintshesweet very wise!

@PtarmisanCheese I have tried meditation before and never had success. My mind is always brimming full of problems swirling around. I would love to be able to get better at this. Do you have any tips?

@Whataretheodds very interesting! Well, there are plenty of tears but not much sweat 😓 so great tip thanks!

[Lcb123]

Getting out in nature and exercise. Compartmentising where possible, eg leave work at work. And perspective-so many people don’t even have their basic needs met. I know I’m lucky to not be living in a warzone, drought, etc and to have a safe home

[anewbook]

@JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle Love this! I can almost hear the Russian accent!

[SomePosters]

For me it was about to learning to fight my needs.

Need to feel in control? Take absolute control of something that doesn’t affect anyone else my own food intake, exercise, de cluttering/ cleaning

Need a drastic change? Move furniture, paint a room, plan a short trip

Need to focus on myself a while? Stop opening messages, tidy my space and allow myself to nest in it as much as I need, bury myself in my studies.

When I am overwhelmed and can’t identify what I need I get my notebook and brain dump it all with a cup of tea and then go and do something I enjoy. When I’m ready to come back to it there is a perspective that comes from externalising problems

[PtarmisanCheese]

@StroppyTop

@PtarmisanCheese I’d be really interested to hear more about how you got started with meditation, if you don’t mind sharing?

I’m autistic and found most of my life I was trying to manage constant anxiety, constant brain chatter, and overthinking everything and blaming myself for anything that wasn’t perfect.

I got to a point where I’d had enough, was listening to a podcast (can’t remember which one, sorry) which talked about meditation, said that most people overthink it and that it’s actually very simple and can be transformative, so I gave it a try. 18 months on and I’m rarely anxious any more and my world is much bigger than it ever was.

Set a timer for 20 minutes, sit comfortably, feet on the floor, listen to a small noise (I used to find a meditation noise on YouTube to focus on, but don’t need it now), when you start to think about things, and you will, bring your mind back to the noise, and repeat, until the alarm goes off. At some point you might feel detached and sort of numb, that’s what you’re aiming for. Sometimes you get into a weird dreamlike state whilst knowing you’re still awake, which is fun!

I react better to problems, when I feel myself getting worked up I can control it and calm myself down more easily.

[anewbook]

@Fedupofdiets I am so sorry for your loss 💐