Would your 18 year old think to text people thank you

[Newpuppymummy]

My Dd recently had her 18th and she got lots of cards with money in given to her and send to her. Really lovely.

I expected her to be texting people herself to say thank you (I don't even know everything she was sent as I am out when the post comes).

i've just had a text from an Aunt to ask if the card and money she sent arrived safely. When I have questioned her about it, there's a couple of other people, she hasn't texted to say thank you. When she was younger, I have obviously been the one to send texts to say thank you but at 18 surely she should be doing this herself.

I have to nudge mine at 22 unfortunately. I miss the days when id sit them down with a thank you note to write 😀

I have had words with my teens about this. Apparently they find texting older relatives A Bit Cringey, although they have no qualms about accepting the gift .

Once I'd finished admonishing them for being ungrateful wretches, we established that weirdly they find popping a notecard in the post less awkward, so I got them to buy some and they do that instead.

If you had thanked people previously, rather than telling her/teaching her that she should thank people, then it probably isn’t in her mind that she should.

Why didn't she send texts?
It's hardly a difficulty for a 13yo to do that?

And if they didn't have their number then she could have written a few notes for posting?

Yes. When my children got phones at 11 I told them to do this. I had to remind them for the next couple of years, but by the time they were 14/15 they did so without any reminders.
I would ask them and they would roll their eyes and say ‘already done it mum, we are not rude’.

Yeah I mean is it possible they prefer to write OP?

But yes they should know at this age that you thank people for gifts.

I mean ideally they should be ringing them and thanking them properly

I think she should think to do this herself, but if she doesn't at 18, I don't think you should push it past maybe one gentle nudge either?

As kids my sister and I were raised as thank you card people, then developed into texts. My preschoolers do 'thank you' pictures (which are often grabbed off the fridge) and I always text. I will ask my boys to write cards as they get older though.

My sister on the other hand, also has three kids, one 8, two preschoolers and they absolutely do not ever send a thank you. (8yr old has her own iPhone), my sister also doesn't text on their behalf to thank people for gifts.

What I do find annoying though is when I get texts from family asking me if my sisters children have received gifts - it's a clear ask for me to nudge my sister to say thank you.... which I'm not going to do. My sister is 37.

I do think that as nieces and nephews get older and same for other relatives, if they don't say thank you, the presents may drop off - natural consequences

Good that I'm not alone then. I did it for her when she was younger and reminded her of the last couple of years, but didn't think to remind her this year because I thought she was perfectly capable of doing it herself. Which she is, of course.

She's more than capable of doing it and I wouldn't be reminding. If teens can't be bothered with basic manners then they won't be disappointed when they receive nothing or empty cards in future.

I scaled back massively on greedy niece when she contacted me out of the blue asking for her "budget" I'd always been generous and was happy to do so, but I don't expect to be openly eyeballed as a walking wallet.

We stopped giving to two teenagers who never acknowledged gifts, it’s a three strikes and you’re out, as far as we’re concerned.
I certainly wouldn’t expect a thank you letter in the post, but a quick text to say thanks doesn’t cost anything apart from a few seconds of time.

I always mention it to them but they always do it or have done it. Dd3 is better at it than dd2.

She should have been writing letters when she was younger to thank people, then she would have learnt that’s what you do. Mine always wrote letters after birthdays and Xmas. Just a couple of lines takes no time at all and means the world to people. I’ve stopped sending money to some nieces and nephews in their twenties as I never know if it’s arrived. It’s just downright rude not to acknowledge a gift.

French yes, I remember those days well . I do find it rude when a gift is not acknowledged (if sent in post, not the same if it is handed over in person and you are thanked at the time). I have a couple of young relatives I still send money to and have no idea if it is received or not. But we stop gifts at 18 so only a few years left.

I am over 60 and still receive a birthday cheque from an elderly distant aunt (lives miles away & haven't met up for years) ... I always write a proper thank you letter.

I would have been absolutely bollocked if I didn’t thank relatives for money and gifts. Was taught it was the height of rudeness and grabby, entitled behaviour.

so yeah, I always acknowledged and expressed thanks.

I am 29 and thanked all of my relatives in this manner for my birthday back in feb. My mum even chased me up to make sure I had a done it. I had, unprompted.

I’m struggling to navigate my daughters mental health issues! She’s 20 now and has had problems since about 8/9 she’s a very clever girl who’s studied psychology she now thinks she has borderline personality disorder, due to huge mood swings, anger, unreasonable behaviour, fears of abandonment etc. she’s only just recently agreed to get a formal diagnosis, we’re waiting on an appointment, in the meantime she can’t hold a job down, struggles with uni work and is behind, and basically ‘terrorises’ the household some days (I have two younger children) I do everything I can to try and help her but feel like I’m at the end of my tether, being considered an adult now, I can’t do much for her, any support groups or ideas welcomed?! Thanks in advance, I’m a new member xx

Sorry haven't actually answered the question, I do nudge my own DS to either phone or send a thank you card. He is more likely to phone his GPs direct for a chat and to thank them for the money.

Yes, my teenagers would text.

Yes, mine either call, send a postcard, e mail or text depending on the relative and their usual way of communicating.

And they understand that as well as the thanks people like to know that their gift didn’t go missing.

I would probably have to remind them but a text or a quick phone call is exp3cted.

Mine send cards. I'd tell them I thought it was out of order if I found out they didn't send thanks.

Hi - I think you need to start a new thread as your concerns sound complicated

I have two young adults. One has always done thank yous without being prompted- the other has always needed reminding. Fortunately it's no longer my responsibility!

Yes realised I’d posted in the wrong place I’m so sorry and I can’t see how to delete my post what a newbie 🤦‍♀️

Mine would, ever since early teens, but it doesn't seem fashionable, sadly. My neices and nephews, some into early 20s have never messaged thank you, even for larger amounts for big birthdays. My dc know that if a gift from me isn't politely acknowledged then a gift won't be forthcoming in the future.