Anyone else find it hard to sympathise with sick husbands

broomers · 2023-05-16T13:37:06+00:00

I'll start by saying this is *somewhat* lighthearted! DH has had a cough and cold that has rumbled on for a week now, nothing horrendous not like a flu where he's been in bed all day etc. He bravely managed to drink red wine and beer over the weekend when friends came to visit but as soon as they left he was back to oh poor me I'm so ill. I'll admit I'm more a sick it up and crack on type of person and will tend to play down any of my own illnesses, but DH is the opposite he craves sympathy and updates me every half hour on how awful he's feeling. We have 2 children under 5 and a house full of builders and I'm trying to work full time through it, this morning I snapped that I'd run out of sympathetic things to say in response! Please tell me I'm not alone but I find myself getting really wound up by him when he's ill, he just seems so pathetic!

Kanaloa · 16/05/2023 14:45

I don’t find it hard to have sympathy for someone who is sick at all. I can’t muster up any sympathy for whiny babies though. Your husband sounds like he falls into the second category.

xogossipgirlxo · 16/05/2023 15:02

I am always like "oh come on, it can't be this bad" and then it turns out my husband has pneumonia or so, so I should probably calm down a bit and believe him a bit more. Otherwise I just sound like a proper bitch.
In your husband's case, no sympathy.

allthewoes · 16/05/2023 15:05

Yes. Mine likes to wallow in it and stagger about huffing and clutching his stomach, even when it's a headache. Refuses to take paracetamol if he has a temperature and would rather lie under a blanket shivering and feeling sorry for himself.

Kez437 · 16/05/2023 15:08

@xogossipgirlxo I could have just written your post. My husband was falling into the 'whiney' category from last week telling me he had a sore chest but with 2 children under 2 and both under the weather, working full time from home and sick parents I REALLY was not enamoured with this sore chest that was too painful to even lift our baby son 🙄 I somewhat abruptly told him yesterday morning to take himself to A&E if it was that bad, I never actually expected him to go but he did and yeah he has pneumonia 🙈 I made him a lot of guilt ridden cups of tea to make up for my total lack of empathy 😂 (I also asked the average recovery time 😂)

Mistressofnone · 16/05/2023 15:09

That was very brave of your husband to grin and bear that beer & wine! Mine is exactly the same. When I try to be sympathetic and ask if he has had a Lemsip, I get snapped at that it never helps. Then when I stop pandering I am accused of lacking sympathy.

In fact if I ever feel unwell myself, I try not to say anything because I know he will come down with something far worse within the hour.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 16/05/2023 15:11

Well obviously your dc arrived via stork so Yabu not to pander to Man Flu
..

xogossipgirlxo · 16/05/2023 15:18

Kez437 · 16/05/2023 15:08

@xogossipgirlxo I could have just written your post. My husband was falling into the 'whiney' category from last week telling me he had a sore chest but with 2 children under 2 and both under the weather, working full time from home and sick parents I REALLY was not enamoured with this sore chest that was too painful to even lift our baby son 🙄 I somewhat abruptly told him yesterday morning to take himself to A&E if it was that bad, I never actually expected him to go but he did and yeah he has pneumonia 🙈 I made him a lot of guilt ridden cups of tea to make up for my total lack of empathy 😂 (I also asked the average recovery time 😂)

Yep, yep, same story. Husband complaining about chest pain and I thought jeez what a whiney. Went to GP and was told he has pneumonia. I felt so guilty. I don't know why I do this, he's not lazy type, very hard working, pulls his weight at home and I behave like some crazy woman. I get sick too and he never said something like this to me.

MagicSpring · 16/05/2023 15:24

Over the past couple of decades I have managed to be unsympathetic to, amongst other things, a stomach ulcer, heart condition, broken arm and appendicitis.

Oops.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/05/2023 15:29

Have any of them donned the dressing gown of doom yet? Love MN for coining tht phrase.

Original poster

broomers · 16/05/2023 15:31

Oh all these replies are making me feel much worse. I do think it's partly down to women being conditioned to breath through the pain or home with 24 hours after major surgery to look after a newborn it changes your perspective on what is sympathy worthy!

OP posts:

slamfightbrightlight · 16/05/2023 15:35

I have a lot of patience for sick people as long as that sick person isn’t my DH. Don’t know what it is! I’ve told him to take it as a warning to look after himself as I’d make a useless nurse!

helpftm · 16/05/2023 15:37

I'm the same a few days ago I had covid while looking after my unwell baby, while I'm pregnant and all I got was take a walk you might feel better 🙄. Felt like absolute shit and he was no help at all. Now he's got it and expects sympathy but i told him to get over it as I was unwell,pregnant and looking after baby so he has nothing to moan about.😂 men are just babies and love to moan😂😂

helpftm · 16/05/2023 15:38

I would feel sorry for them if it was really bad but a cold is so dramatic 🤦🏻‍♀️ no need for sympathy

Boopeedoop · 16/05/2023 15:39

Am I the only one who is married to a man that would keep working even with a leg hanging off? The only thing that's ever stopped him is swine flu where he was barely conscious.

Treasureboxkey · 16/05/2023 15:44

I am so unsympathetic.
It's the dramatics- the moaning and groaning, the poorly voice, the holding the walls to do the slow, half bent walk, the feeling the forehead and asking me to do the same.
Only to find out that they haven't actually taken any paracetamol etc. If you aren't doing everything that you can to feel well... Don't talk to me about it.

I would have much more sympathy if they sucked it up and cracked on like we have to and would be much more likely to actually suggest that they take it easy.

Treasureboxkey · 16/05/2023 15:45

Boopeedoop · 16/05/2023 15:39

Am I the only one who is married to a man that would keep working even with a leg hanging off? The only thing that's ever stopped him is swine flu where he was barely conscious.

My dad is like that. Nothing stops him so I actually have sympathy when he says that he feels a bit rough.

ComeOnThenFanny · 16/05/2023 15:48

I am just the same. I'm a really caring and sympathetic person - unless he is ill, because I always think he's making a fuss. He usually is, tbf. And he says he likes to be left alone and not fussed over, and that is a big fat lie.

And he won't go to bed! He likes to lie around on the sofa infecting everyone with his misery and ten minute updates. It makes me mad with fury.

Ohhh that's better. Thanks OP! 😉

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 16/05/2023 15:50

If my husband is truly ill he's bed bound. I've been with him a long time so know this is the case. He's also pretty quiet when really ill too. This gets my support and empathy.

However when he has something minor the matter like a cold, then boy I don't hear the end of it! All he wants is attention and pity. When that happens I'm really not accommodating and tell him to take paracetamol, drink plenty of fluid and rest stop following me around

FrequentFlyer96 · 16/05/2023 15:54

Treasureboxkey · 16/05/2023 15:44

I am so unsympathetic.
It's the dramatics- the moaning and groaning, the poorly voice, the holding the walls to do the slow, half bent walk, the feeling the forehead and asking me to do the same.
Only to find out that they haven't actually taken any paracetamol etc. If you aren't doing everything that you can to feel well... Don't talk to me about it.

I would have much more sympathy if they sucked it up and cracked on like we have to and would be much more likely to actually suggest that they take it easy.

100% this!! DH will croak ‘I’m feeling unwell’ and say how terrible he feels. We have a cupboard full of medicines. When I ask if he’s taken anything to help his symptoms it’s as though I’ve sprung a totally new concept upon him. I have crippling IBS and awful periods (thanks, perimenopause) but I’m expected to be sympathetic to all of his minor aches and ailments whilst cracking on with normal day to day life when my insides feel like they’re falling out. If I dare mention it, I’m one-upping him. I give up!

Waitwhat23 · 16/05/2023 15:56

I've currently got one in the dressing gown of doom and the croaky voice. I'm eyeing the gin.

Tessisme · 16/05/2023 16:01

DP makes exactly the same whinneying sounds whether he has a mild cold or a full blown chest infection. 95% of the time it is the mild cold, but occasionally it is something much worse. I always think it's his own fault if I don't sympathise - he's like the little boy who cried wolf. It's the same with injuries. He screams the house down whether he cuts his finger or breaks a bone. There needs to be an official scale of manifestations of suffering so that we know how to react appropriately. Some day DP will have bubonic plague and I'll be rolling my eyes and telling him where the tissues are. No dressing gown of doom here, but there is a manky old fleece hoody.

PartyFarty · 16/05/2023 16:03

I have this too. He takes to his bed whether its a cold, or a tummy bug etc. He also then expects dinner brought up to him, apart from on the few days he's actually unwell enough to not eat. He gets a weird high pitched croaky voice and sends me updates about how he's doing - for even the smallest of illnesses. I get told any time he throws up or has a dodgy tummy, when he's tired or has a headache.
I have chronic health conditions and only tell him how Im doing if he asks, and I often play it down which probably doesn't help

saltrock123 · 16/05/2023 16:06

Mine has moaned 12 times in 4 hours that his stomach aches since scoffing cake for lunch, instead of making himself a sandwich or something !

whataglorious · 16/05/2023 16:09

Does anyone else's husband also catch something within the hour ? Or if you say you have a bad tummy, it's "you know what, that must be what I've had" 🤔🤔🤔 just let me be ill for once !!

MrTiddlesTheCat · 16/05/2023 16:15

Glad it's not just me. I feel like the worst wife in the world when DH is sick as I can't muster up the slightest care. His asthma kicks off when he's got a cold but I know it's because he never takes his preventative inhaler. Likewise moaning about his headache, has he taken any paracetamol? Course he bloody hasn't. Absolutely does my nut in.