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Original poster

DS14 found porn downloaded by DH - what to say?

68 replies

loveyal · 16/05/2023 12:32

So DS14 stumbled upon the temporary download folder on home computer and found porn downloaded by DH before it was removed. He didn't open it but the file name gave it away.

DS14 is enraged and wanted to talk about it. What should we say?

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 16/05/2023 16:49

AuntieJune · 16/05/2023 13:06

Erm, I'd leave this one to DH to sort out, in all honesty.

And that would be something along the lines of: 'this is embarrassing, but plenty of men look at porn, you shouldn't have seen that and sorry you did but masturbation is healthy.'

Whao! So you are ok with young women being tortured for men to masturbate to and teaching young men that that is ok?

VWHoliday · 16/05/2023 16:51

I'd say this didn't happen and the OP is just sat waiting for everyone to have a massive debate about watching porn for their entertainment.

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 16/05/2023 16:54

caringcarer · 16/05/2023 16:28

I'd not tolerate it. I'd be kicking h out.

Given that OP says they watch it together, that may come across as a touch on the hypocritical side.

Coyoacan · 16/05/2023 16:54

powershowerforanhour · 16/05/2023 15:24

"DS14 is enraged and wanted to talk about it. What should we say?"

Well , "Porn is the theory, rape is the practice" is as good a place to start as any

This

Superdupes · 16/05/2023 17:05

Why would you take joint responsibility for something only your DH has done? Why is he downloading porn to a family computer, there's really no need surely? Wouldn't you go incognito and just watch something on pornhub? I can't imagine downloading porn to a family computer and I wouldn't be taking any of the rap for my OH doing it. It's pretty grim that he thought that was acceptable.

DS will know exactly what porn is from school I'd imagine. You can't put the genie back in the bottle now that he's seen it, and saying that some people like it/watch it isn't going to help him feel any better, no doubt he's already aware of that so I really wouldn't even bother going down that route. I think DH should just say I'm really sorry you came across that folder, it was not appropriate on a family computer and won't happen again.

CoronationKicking · 16/05/2023 17:28

That "advice" you've taken is shockingly shit.

GrazingSheep · 17/05/2023 06:57

Why would you take joint responsibility for something only your DH has done?

The OP watches porn with him

ThePoetsWife · 17/05/2023 07:33

loveyal · 16/05/2023 12:32

So DS14 stumbled upon the temporary download folder on home computer and found porn downloaded by DH before it was removed. He didn't open it but the file name gave it away.

DS14 is enraged and wanted to talk about it. What should we say?

Maybe he knows that wanking off to women being raped is wrong - a lot of them will have been coerced or trafficked.

FrenchandSaunders · 17/05/2023 07:37

So he’s been knocking one out whilst sitting at the family computer ….

Damnloginpopup · 17/05/2023 07:37

caringcarer · 16/05/2023 16:28

I'd not tolerate it. I'd be kicking h out.

Sure you would...

Summerbobs · 17/05/2023 07:39

Paq · 16/05/2023 15:03

I don't know how you can be so relaxed about the consumption of porn given it's damaging and exploitative nature towards women and girls. How do you expect your DS to respect women as equals when you are excusing using them as wank fodder?

Agree, it’s utterly vile.

ARoomSomewhere · 17/05/2023 07:41

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/05/2023 15:16

Strictly speaking, exposing your child to porn is sexual abuse. Your DH should be much more careful and you need to sit down and have a talk with your kid. He quite rightly could report it to the DSL at school.

glad you’re cool with watching women been treated that way though I hope you don’t explain it like that to him.

I agree. Your child is only 14. And being exposed to commercial sex (exploitative abuse) in his own home, viewing of which is viewed as OK by both parents? Teenagers can have great moral compasses. He will lose respect for you both over this. Damage is done. Best to both sit down & talk to him about the reality of the industry & agree that you will avoid it from henceforth.

Digitallis · 17/05/2023 07:45

Maybe DS is rightly enraged because he doesn’t view woman as objects of torture and perhaps the title of the film alone was indicative of the depraved nature of the DH.

How would you like your DS to treat a future daughter in law? Do you have daughters or nieces?

hotdiggetydog · 17/05/2023 07:46

loveyal · 16/05/2023 14:43

I think he's enraged because he found some very serious wrongdoing. I don't know how to explain.

Yes absolutely irresponsible and unacceptable.

I'm asking for advice to deal with the teen. The grown man has learnt his lesson.

Show quote history

"very serious wrongdoing"

Erm.

PopsicleHustler · 17/05/2023 07:47

Op,you are very weird.

You say kids shouldn't watch porn because they don't have sexual experience. Ok sadly in this day and age there are even 13 year old having underage sex. Would it be OK for them to watch porn?
Absolutely disgraceful comment.

Porn is all kinds of wrong, morally as well as ethically. I am very appalled at women who call themselves "cool wives " and allow their husbands or partners to watch porn. I would feel extremely uncomfortable with my husband watching close ups of men and womens private parts. I honestly feel sick and cannot stand it. And it winds me up even more when people try to validate it by saying all men watch it/touch themselves after or while watching it/its normal etc. No its not. Not all men watch it and a lot of people actually disagree with it
Its a vile industry and people being paid money to sleep around, and beat women and so on. I mean I have heard horrendous things and even about young people becoming addicted to watching it. I have heard of people even watching it on the train on the way home from work or college. Its disgusting and degrading. I suggest you apologise to your son, the pair of you.
And take crap like that off the family computer.

And as for the bizzare comment of masturbation is normal from a pp, grow up.

Gtsr443 · 17/05/2023 07:55

OP my best friend at school (in the early 80s) found her dad's substantial secret stash of wank mags in the shed.
Her older brother then systematically sold them off to kids at school and the dad couldn't say anything other than "Has someone been in my shed?"

It's not the end of the world but your DH is a twat to look at it on the family computer and needs to talk to your son who's just realised his parents are sexual creatures.
Porn is everywhere for this generation. It is free and easy to access and porn blockers are useless because of VPNs. The only way to manage this is to discuss the ethics of it.

RemainAtHome · 17/05/2023 08:13

Well @loveyal , I think your DH and yourself should explain to your ds that you think watching porn as an adult is ok. And that your only wrong doing is to have left it where he could find it….

You will have to deal with the fact your ds WILL be finding it out to watch porn at a young age (if it’s ok for his dad, he isn’t going to find it awful to watch it himself, even at 14yo).
You will have to accept he thinks it’s ok to see a woman’s body as 3 holes, nothing more.
And you’ll have to accept you’ll need to do A LOT of work with him on consent - because what he will have seen from porn isn’t teaching teens what consent is!

Oh you’ll need to do all that knowing that what your ds is horrified about is tte fact that his parents are having sex and enjoy sex. Something no teen really want to think about when thinking about their own parents.

Digitallis · 17/05/2023 08:15

Or maybe DS thinks that’s what you and DH do?

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