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Original poster

How soon to have a baby

43 replies

Rupiduti · 14/05/2023 15:45

Hypothetically speaking, what would be the earliest amount you'd be with someone before you'd be willing to try for a baby (obviously assuming both want children)

OP posts:
DoesItHaveKosovo · 14/05/2023 15:47

Five years. Probably an uncommon view on here, but I think you need to go through a few life events with someone to really get the measure of them (& even then, you could be surprised).

In my friendship group it ranges from 3.5 years to 16 years together before first pregnancy.

CharlotteRose90 · 14/05/2023 15:48

Depends on age but for me a year minimum. I’m mid 30s so time is slowly running out so Atleast a year . If I got caught early fine.

IggityZiggity · 14/05/2023 15:50

Would depend on age and other things as career, owning home etc.

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IggityZiggity · 14/05/2023 15:51

Also it would depend on how long in total I had known the person. Ie being friends for 10 years before dating would be different to not having known them as a friend first.

Original poster
Rupiduti · 14/05/2023 15:51

Thanks for input. Both 30s, no kids yet.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 14/05/2023 15:52

When I was in my 20s, 5 years would have been minimum.

When I met DH in our late 30s we had the conversation at about 6 months and were trying within a year (over 2 years later still unsuccessfully so I'm glad we didn't wait).

Everything depends on the circumstances.

Original poster
Rupiduti · 14/05/2023 15:54

QueSyrahSyrah · 14/05/2023 15:52

When I was in my 20s, 5 years would have been minimum.

When I met DH in our late 30s we had the conversation at about 6 months and were trying within a year (over 2 years later still unsuccessfully so I'm glad we didn't wait).

Everything depends on the circumstances.

So sorry to hear this and hope it happens for you soon 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
Rupiduti · 14/05/2023 16:09

Thanks for input!

We are thinking of trying, the absolute earliest a baby would be born would be when we had been together 2 years but obviously it will likely take longer. Just worry people might think it's too soon.

OP posts:
iusedtobeasize8 · 14/05/2023 16:14

Lots of dependent factors- age, financial stability etc
I was in my early 30's when i had my 1st DC. We'd been together for about 6 months when we decided to try. I was under no illusion that I could literally have been holding the baby but I was prepared to do that and in a position where I would have been fine. 19 years later we're still together.

bakewellbride · 14/05/2023 16:34

We started trying 2 and a half years in. Some might say too soon but it worked for us.

cherrypied · 14/05/2023 17:05

It not too early for mid 30s and it's no one's business- no one will ask if it we was planned or not and it doesn't matter.

I met DH at 35 and started TTC after 15 ish months.

Most people desire children and most people Recognise this desire and no one really questions it. Hopefully to will be a long and happy relationship but it may or may not be but plenty of people have children outside of stable relationships, or after being together weeks, or "accidents".

Just go for it and hope it's plain sailing for you!

Ponderingwindow · 14/05/2023 17:09

I wouldn’t try for a baby without getting married first. So enough time to date, get engaged and at least make arrangements for a registry office wedding. In your 30s with the ticking clock, I suppose that could be a year.

Mamasoon · 14/05/2023 17:12

I was 25 and had been with my now husband just under a year when we started trying after I nearly died. We worked together closely, prior in a fast paced, high stress environment, so I knew I could parent with him, and I knew I could co-parent with him if worse came to absolute worst.

It took 5 years, 3 miscarriages and 11 rounds of fertility treatments to conceive our daughter.
I’m so grateful we didn’t wait.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/05/2023 17:13

About 18 months? Agree it depends if you were friends before too.

Namechanger355 · 14/05/2023 17:14

Rupiduti · 14/05/2023 16:09

Thanks for input!

We are thinking of trying, the absolute earliest a baby would be born would be when we had been together 2 years but obviously it will likely take longer. Just worry people might think it's too soon.

I wouldn’t worry about what others think - besides I don’t think your timescale is too soon tbh

It’s more about compatability and whether you can imagine sharing a life and starting a family with him. Also how both you are under stress. And whether you are ready individually taking into account financials and career etc.

Obviously someone who is 32 has more time than someone who is 41.

pecantoucan · 14/05/2023 17:15

Rupiduti · 14/05/2023 16:09

Thanks for input!

We are thinking of trying, the absolute earliest a baby would be born would be when we had been together 2 years but obviously it will likely take longer. Just worry people might think it's too soon.

It doesn't matter what other people think. People have babies in many circumstances. You have to do what you want in life. You only get one.

Namechanger355 · 14/05/2023 17:16

sorry that should read: how both of you are under stress

having a baby can definitely test relationships because you spend less time together and can become more functional

Suprima · 14/05/2023 17:16

Depends entirely on the situation and people involved

i know people who have been together for 5+ years and their relationships are, at best, ‘alright’ who really shouldn’t add children to the mix because one/both are going to realise they are settling sooner or later

equally, I know whirlwind romances where they are each other’s person, so in love and so compatible who want to marry, and have kids after 10 months or so.

LividHouse · 14/05/2023 17:18

Six weeks.

Was a good idea at the time 🤣

firsttimemum1230 · 14/05/2023 17:19

I made the mistake of getting pregnant 3 times in the first 3 months. Obviously 2 miscarriages and now an 18 month old. He is an abusive useless man and I should’ve known better. My daughter is my life but I don’t have envy normal couples. He already had kids too and I wish I was with someone that didn’t have just because it’s not as special for them.

Hummusanddipdip · 14/05/2023 17:22

I always said I wanted to have children before 30. Dh and I started trying at 25, we'd been together 3 years at that point, bought and house and were engaged. As it was we didn't have ds until 3 years later, so had been together 6 years at point.
I've got a friend who had her first after 12 years and another who was pregnant less than a year after getting together. But generally within my friendship group it seems to be between 2 and 5 years.

KILM · 14/05/2023 17:24

Rather than thinking of it as trying for a baby together, try and frame it as 'finding out if I'm happy to give my baby this man as a father for the rest of their life' - you need to see him when the chips are down and when the honeymoon is over.

MeinKraft · 14/05/2023 17:33

Just make sure you have an escape route in place just in case. Abuse often starts in pregnancy.

Pushinandshovin · 14/05/2023 17:40

In the same dilemma. I’ve just turned 30 and DP is 33. We’ve been together a year.

I was massively broody before meeting him but I’m so enjoying being with him that it’s lessened. We’ve still got a lot to do to really grow our relationship I think. Truthfully I’m hoping to get engaged at Christmas, married in 2024 and pregnant asap afterwards.

Noneyerbuisness11234 · 14/05/2023 17:45

I met my OH at 30 pregnant after 8 months but spoke about wanting kids after 5 months then 6 years a son and 2 Mc later I'm now nearly 4 months pregnant with second child it can work but totally agree with ppl all depends on circumstances xx

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