How soon to have a baby

[Rupiduti]

Hypothetically speaking, what would be the earliest amount you'd be with someone before you'd be willing to try for a baby (obviously assuming both want children)

Lots of variables would influence my decision - long distance relationship - financial stability - one thing I often think is missed on Mn finance - esp during maternity leave and after .

i would want to be living together and actually want conversations about how to raise children - if you can’t discuss these you aren’t ready

For me a couple of years. I think it's important to know that you communicate strongly even in the heat of the moment and that when things are tough on you both you pull together rather than taking it out on each other. I'd also want to know that the other person had similar values and similar ideas on what type of parent they'd want to be and what values they'd want to pass on to a child. I'd want to know they were reliable and financially steady and that they handled stress well. I'd really want to know that they were already an equal partner in terms of house admim because by default the lions share of parenting tends to fall to the mum and if your partner isn't 50/50 in their responsibility now then this would make it so much worse when a baby arrives. I'd also want them to have realistic expectations of what having a newborn is like in terms of sleep deprivation and task sharing. Eg my dh will get up 2 times a night and do the nappy changes and then I do the feeding. At weekends he'll do the burping and take care of ds from 6am so I can sleep until 9 uninterrupted.

It all depends on circumstances I think.

DP & I have been together 11 years and had our son after 8 years of being together. We got into a relationship at 18 & 19 so too young (for us) to start having babies! We have 3 DC :)

Doesn't matter what people think, there are no hard and fast rules and only you know your situation.

The fact you're thinking about it is good but don't let what other people think or may think, cloud your judgement.

If time is no object, a good three years to find out someone’s traits (and that includes living with them). But tbh you don’t really know how someone will be with a baby until they have one.

At least two years before even thinking about trying, preferably more but as others have said, it would depend on my age.

I do think it takes a really long time to know someone well and the strongest relationships I know are the ones where they'd had time together before children and really cemented their own relationship first.

I’d say 5 years unless over 28 when you meet then 2 years. If 35+ I wouldn’t wait long at all as long as I was ready to be a single mum

I was 31 when I started dating DH, I had already known him for a year. we were married within 18 months. Bought a house 6 months after marrying and had DS when I was just 34.

I'd want to have lived together for at least 3 years, and be married.

It definitely depends on age and if you are financially able to support yourself and baby if it goes wrong. If you have lots of support and are doing ok financially, and over 35 I'd say a year. If you are younger than 35, I'd wait 2-3 years to start trying.

I wasn't prepared to have a baby until I was married. We were together 2.5 years when we married and had dc 1.5 years later.

Ideally I'd have wanted to be married. I'd have married someone after approximately 2 years together I think. If there was no proposal after 2 years, I'd have given them the heave-ho I reckon (particularly if I was approaching 30)

As it stood, I was 21 and we'd been together 5 months before getting pregnant.

I have a friend who was pregnant (planned) two months into meeting her bloke. I was a bit worried but they are still together 5 years on

I think the thing that was hardest for them was that they were still getting to know each other while parenting a newborn

Engaged after 6 months and married 10 months later and was just pregnant at first anniversary, now have 3 children and been married for 32 years. was 29 when we got married.

Thanks everyone, your advice has been helpful 🙂

Whenever you feel you know each other well enough, have lived together for a bit, are ready to make a long-term commitment (like marriage) and feel comfortable joining your finances.

Children are forever. Even if the relationship ends, you will be stuck with each other for the rest of at least one of your lives as the parent of your shared child. Are you ready to be stuck together forever and to make the legal and financial decisions that involves?

And probably more importantly, have you had fun together? Have you travelled? Explored the world and life together? Have you done what you want to do as a couple and individually before life gets complicated enough that you can't easily do those things anymore? Children, sorry to say it, bring to an end the carefree fun days of a relationship. That's not to say you can't still have carefree fun days, but you can't easily go for dinners out anymore or a weekend away or lie in bed and read all morning or watch a boxset together. You easily can't go travelling for a month or train for a marathon or go out dancing together or to the cinema. Yes, of course, on occasion you still can. But it's rare. Dh and I just had only our 4th night away alone in 10 years this past weekend. When you've had so much fun together that you're almost bored of it and feel like you wouldn't mind giving up those carefree heady romantic times together, then you're getting closer to being ready to have a child together.

When I was younger, I wanted a long relationship first.

I'd still like that if I had all the time in the world, but at 35, it will have to be quicker. On the flip side I'd be in a stable financial situation even on my own, so the risk is lower.

That's all very well if you meet in your 20s.