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Original poster

A day of self care - WWYD

27 replies

NotAGoodDay1 · 13/05/2023 10:00

After weeks of mounting anxiety, it's come to a head today and I can't stop crying and can barely get out of bed.

DH has taken the DC out for the day and am currently just wallowing telling myself what a terrible partner and mother I am, thinking of DC's cute little faces and how they deserve better than me.

I think I just need to turn this around and have a day to get myself back on my feet.

Please inspire me with ideas of what I should do.

OP posts:
Cherryana · 13/05/2023 10:04

Have a wash and blow dry in a salon.

Get your eyebrows done - you can usually walk in for that.

Get your nails done in a walk in place.

Get husband to book somewhere nice for you and a babysitter for tonight. As long as he gets on it now - he will find somewhere.

Feeling low may take more than one day to ‘get over’ but it’s really lovely to show yourself that you are important and worth spending time and money on x

JeanieJo · 13/05/2023 10:06

Oh gosh you are not a bad mother!

my suggestion is

  • have a good cry
  • get out into nature, breathe, smell the air, listen to the birds
  • sit down for a quiet cuppa and tell yourself well done for taking the time and looking after yourself

Although don’t expect too much from yourself - a single day will not turn this around and you may need outside support. All the best to you and enjoy your day!

Kfjsjdbd · 13/05/2023 10:06

I would do some very basic, small things to start with. Take a vitamin. Have a shower. Brush your teeth. Have a healthy breakfast. Go for a walk and listen to an uplifting podcast.

Kfjsjdbd · 13/05/2023 10:08

Are you on medication for your anxiety? It’s been life changing for me (Citalopram).

Original poster
NotAGoodDay1 · 13/05/2023 10:13

Thank you so much all, I was feeling so alone and feel better already for reading your messages

I've almost completed Step 1 of @JeanieJo list, I don't think there are many tears left in me, so can hopefully move on to something else soon.

@Kfjsjdbd I'm not, the anxiety is recently new and usually quickly comes and goes, but the last couple of weeks have definitely been my worst "episode" yet and for the first time feel like I really can't cope or live this way.

OP posts:
Kfjsjdbd · 13/05/2023 10:18

How about making a plan to get a doctors appointment to talk it through as part of your list?

Cherryana · 13/05/2023 10:20

It’s a very scary feeling and it’s real. It is possible to get through and come out the other side. Look for your support network- and this may involve a GP appointment.

As capable as you are, no one was meant to get through this alone.

imagine you’re lowness as a broken leg..:if you had a broken leg no one would expect you to be full steam ahead. Every move you make with this happening to you is remarkable.

SmileyClare · 13/05/2023 10:22

Don’t put pressure on yourself to achieve anything today.

Do something for you- I’d personally go for a long soak in the bath, a walk and a little nap.

There are some basic mindfulness techniques which can help with anxiety.
Something as simple as lighting a candle and sitting in silence looking at it or dig out your kid’s pens and pencils and have a go at colouring in!
Anything that requires steady concentration can rest your anxious mind.

Theres no shame in seeing your gp and asking for medication. Keep that in mind.

I hope you feel a bit better soon Flowers

wildfirewonder · 13/05/2023 10:23

Firstly, it is excellent you and your DH are modelling partnership and self care. Your DDs will hopefully learn from this.

In your shoes I would:
Bath
Make nice food (just a nice sandwich or similar)
Short walk or yoga or meditation
Watch a favourite film
Do some craft

Flowers
Original poster
NotAGoodDay1 · 13/05/2023 10:29

Thank you so much. I am torn between keeping it simple at home, with a bath, a feel good movie, some crafts and a nice walk, or venturing a little further afield.

Part of the anxiety is from spending too much time scooped up at home alone I think (I work from home) so I worry that it will be a long day and I'll spiral again. Plus, I'll be seeing all the jobs that need doing around the house and feeling like a failure for not tackling them.

I could venture further afield for a nice lunch, maybe a bit of shopping, but obviously that feels like a must steeper hill to climb right now.

OP posts:
Christmascracker0 · 13/05/2023 10:32

Definitely try to get outside - even if it’s just to sit in the garden! I’m not sure why but there’s something about outside that makes me feel a lot better.

A long hot shower, hair wash, body scrub is great.

Nice cake for this afternoon.

Watch something rubbish on Netflix.

M&S ready meal for tea tonight.

fluffiphlox · 13/05/2023 10:34

A walk, a glass of water and some home-cooked food

Whorrafeeeling · 13/05/2023 10:35

I've been there too.

I spent 2 weeks crocheting a blanket in front of the entire set of Phryne Fisher Mysteries.

Baths are good for me too.

But like you I keep myself to myself and actually found it great to meet up with one friend for a walk in the woods and another just for coffee at her house and from that we arranged to go to yoga too. Is there one person you could text to say got time for a coffee/walk?

SmileyClare · 13/05/2023 10:36

I’d just aim to rest and get out for a good bit of daylight/sun to lift your mood.

Definitely worth seeing your gp. Feeling a failure is a classic symptom of depression.

Youre a working mum with small children and you’re feeling unwell today. It’s not the end of the world and certainly not your fault.
Dont spend time beating yourself up for gods sake 😊xx

kingtamponthefurred · 13/05/2023 11:12

Do whatever you most want to do, if it's practical (tea at the Ritz would be lovely but there's no point going into debt for it). I'd visit a National Trust property, have a long walk and a nice lunch and sit in the sun with a book.

Stressedandexhausted · 13/05/2023 11:46

I'm the same @NotAGoodDay1 infavt I started a thread the other day about my stress and anxiety.

Like you it's come to a head and can barely stop shaking / feeling sick/ crying. Ive not long woke up! DH ordered me (nicely!) To sleep and sleep.

Im about to have a bath then a healthy brunch, probably eggs. Then we are going to a nature reserve this afternoon for a gentle walk, I may just sit on a bench. Then takeaway and an early night.

Hugs to you, this is shit

Kyse23 · 13/05/2023 11:48

I would go and get something to eat, maybe to take away? Like a coffee or cake
Then come back and have the bath/film

arlow · 13/05/2023 12:10

I would suggest getting outside to get some light and fresh air. It's so helpful if you can force yourself out. Take a little patch of the garden to weed and put a podcast on your ears - that works for me. Go for a walk with a friend just for an hour or so followed by a cuppa?

tappitytaptap · 13/05/2023 12:45

Hugs, I suffer from anxiety and depression too and it's rubbish at times. Book, walk, cup of coffee in a cafe/takeaway, cake, bath, easy TV are all things that make me feel better.

HarimadSol · 13/05/2023 12:57

Get paper and a pen and write down everything on your mind. Don't worry about spelling or the wording, just write. You can bin it afterwards or keep it just for you, to remind yourself one day of how far you'll have come.

Original poster
NotAGoodDay1 · 13/05/2023 13:21

Thank you for all these great ideas. I took a walk to my local coffee shop for a takeaway drink, sunglasses on and face down, hoping I wouldn't bump into anyone I know!

I've now ventured further away for lunch. Seeing people go about their day is helping. I will get home soon for some crap TV and a bath.

Sorry everyone who's had this before, @Stressedandexhausted I hope you've managed to get plenty of sleep x

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAGoodDay1 · 13/05/2023 13:22

Thank you also for helping me see the positives, I do have a lovely supportive partner and having an off day doesn't make me a bad mum. I'm terrible with the negative self talk in these situations x

OP posts:
Stressedandexhausted · 13/05/2023 19:10

How are you feeling now @NotAGoodDay1

Original poster
NotAGoodDay1 · 13/05/2023 19:40

Thanks for checking in @Stressedandexhausted . The day was OK all things considered but I must admit my heart sank when DH messaged to say they were on their way home as I didn't feel ready to "switch it back on" and still just wanted to be alone and sad!

But actually the DCs cheered me up as soon as they walked through the door and I had a lovely end of the day with them.

When he got home DS said "guess who's my favourite person ever? You mummy! I always choose you!". All excited and completely unprompted, he's so lovely.

Planning to have an early night and hope tomorrow is better.

How are you?

OP posts:
Stressedandexhausted · 13/05/2023 19:45

I'm feeling slightly better now

DH took all the DC out I really wanted to go but could barely stand without feeling dizzy. Have mainly been in bed all day dozing not really sleeping. Have also had a bath and pottered in the garden.

Hopefully get out of bed in a bit might aswell stay here to get youngest asleep we co sleep. Hopefully get on the couch tonight and watch soothing TV with DH and a takeaway although I can't face eating much have nibbled at bits all day

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