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Original poster

DS friends laughing at his hair.

49 replies

ManfredMan · 12/05/2023 18:38

DS came home today asking for his hair to be cut out of the blue. He's always had longish hair ( just past his ears and he's 6 ) I said " that's fine, we will talk about it when Daddy gets home "

After probing him it sounds like his some of his friends within the friendship group are saying his hair is like a girl, one particular boy ( the leader ) and the rest, all bar one are all laughing.

Im aware they are 6 and it's probably upsetting me more than it is him, but do you think I should say something to the parents or teacher?

It sounds all very trivial when written down. We know the parents and are in contact with them and they all seem very approachable.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
WhatWeDoInTheShadow · 12/05/2023 18:41

Don't mention to parents. Fine to mention it in a low key way to the school imo though

Level75 · 12/05/2023 18:41

It's bullying, so I'd say something.

Original poster
ManfredMan · 12/05/2023 18:42

I know kids will be kids and I'm sure he's no angel but it's really on my mind. I'm sure he's forgotten all about it now but I haven't! 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 12/05/2023 18:42

Speak to the teacher. Bullying little sods. If he feels compelled to cut his hair probably best to do it. He can grow it in the summer

Original poster
ManfredMan · 12/05/2023 18:43

Level75 · 12/05/2023 18:41

It's bullying, so I'd say something.

I think it's because they are meant to be his friends and they are quite a tight group.

OP posts:
BranchGold · 12/05/2023 18:43

Can you clarify what you meant about talking about it when DH came home? Did you feel that it needed a discussion, or was it a loose comment along the lines of ‘oh sure, I’ll see when dad can take you to his barbers when he’s home’?

BrimFullOfAsher · 12/05/2023 18:43

It sounds more like teasing than bullying tbf.

But, having said that, if he wants his hair cut then let him 🤷‍♂️

RaininSummer · 12/05/2023 18:43

Show him lots of pictures of long haired men and short haired girls and also ask the teachers at school to cover this on one of their circle times.

Mabelface · 12/05/2023 18:44

Mention it to his teacher and let him get his hair cut if he really wants to.

Fiddlerdragon · 12/05/2023 18:45

It’s bullying and it needs nipping in the bud now while the teacher still has influence over their behaviour. They’re 6 ffs, no need to be acting like little twats

MrsDoylesDoily · 12/05/2023 18:45

I agree with a PP that it sounds like childish teasing rather than bullying.

But if it's upsetting him then it needs to be nipped in the bud, so I would have a word with the school if he's still upset by Monday.

Original poster
ManfredMan · 12/05/2023 18:48

I had an inkling that something might have been said to him about his hair and wanted to fill DH in about it first so that's why I just said we'll talk more when Daddy comes home.

If he wants his hair cut that's fine. More than happy to take him but I would prefer it to be because he wants it, not because he's getting pressured into it because of their comments.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 12/05/2023 18:49

I do hate people using the word "twats" to describe 6 year olds.

OP-if he wants a haircut let him have one. But reassure him that boys and girls can both choose to dress or have their hair any way you want to. And mention it to the teacher so she can keep an eye.

Thelittlekingdom · 12/05/2023 18:50

I’d say to your son, he can have his haircut if he wants but if he loves his hair he should keep it as it is and that some people aren’t always nice and make mean comments.

CurlewKate · 12/05/2023 18:51

And don't make a big deal out of it at home. The response to "can I get a haircut?" is "Of course if you want to." Not "we need to talk to daddy about it. His hair-his choice.

Irritateandunreasonable · 12/05/2023 18:53

How do children differentiate between bullying and ‘childish teasing’ - when this isn’t tackled it turns into bullying and it is not on.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 12/05/2023 18:54

Are there any current really good football players with long hair? Could he reference those and ask if his friends think they look like girls?

Original poster
ManfredMan · 12/05/2023 18:54

CurlewKate · 12/05/2023 18:51

And don't make a big deal out of it at home. The response to "can I get a haircut?" is "Of course if you want to." Not "we need to talk to daddy about it. His hair-his choice.

I haven't said he can't have a hair. I wanted to involve his father regarding the issue at school, I'm asking for advice on that.

OP posts:
Irritateandunreasonable · 12/05/2023 18:54

CurlewKate · 12/05/2023 18:51

And don't make a big deal out of it at home. The response to "can I get a haircut?" is "Of course if you want to." Not "we need to talk to daddy about it. His hair-his choice.

He’s only 6, perfectly normal to have a say in your child’s haircuts at this age. Eg, I wouldn’t let mime dictate their haircuts but at 11 my eldest has just started to have a say.

Truestorypeeps · 12/05/2023 18:54

Some six year olds are? Often learnt behaviour from a PITA bigger brother.

Motheranddaughter · 12/05/2023 18:57

Maybe he doesn't want to be different

VyeBrator · 12/05/2023 18:59

Truestorypeeps · 12/05/2023 18:54

Some six year olds are? Often learnt behaviour from a PITA bigger brother.

Not sisters?

Mummy08m · 12/05/2023 19:00

It's socially conventional for girls to have longer hair than boys. You might be against convention and I respect that, but young kids understand the world through pattern recognition and will notice when things don't fit the pattern and find it odd. It's not ideal, of course. But why should your vulnerable 6yo have to be the pioneering convention-buster? He doesn't consent to that, he's just told you he doesn't like that kids have pointed out he his hair looks like a (socially conventional) girl's.

I'm all for defying convention. For example I never wear make up or high heels. My bridesmaids questioned me on my wedding day for not wearing any "not even a bit of lipgloss?" I understand that defying social convention invites comment and I don't mind, I can handle it.

BUT (and this is a big but) I won't force others to defy convention and bear the inevitable comments, let alone my precious child. He's 6. He doesn't want to stand out. Let him cut his hair for goodness' sake.

ListeningToZach · 12/05/2023 19:00

Speak to the school of you feel there’s bullying. Take him to have his hair cut if that is what he wants. There’s not really much else you can do. Hope he’s ok.

CurlewKate · 12/05/2023 19:03

@Truestorypeeps So you think it's OK to call 6 year olds cunts? Fair enough....