Adult child birthdays when they live at home

[Humanwoman]

In our house for birthdays when the dc were growing up we have always done presents usually about 5 and a big present budget allowing. Then it was a small party or special dinner. Nowadays its me ordering their favourite takeaway and i make or buy a cake.

Now my dc are growing up but not showing any signs of wanting to arrange their own celebrations, only one of them drinks and that's only occasionally. so it's not like they would be out on the town with their friends.

When do you scale it down to a present a card and them sorting out any celebrations that they might want to do. Or am i just the worst person for even thinking of it? Should I just carry on sorting birthdays for them ad infinitum.

I am 33, live with my husband but still get presents from my parents and we always go out for a birthday dinner, always have been even when I would have a big birthday night out with my girls in my early 20's. Can't imagine my parents not wanting to do something for my birthday with me or not buying me presents haha. My mum is just like me though and loves buying presents for others :)

If you can afford it I'd carry on with a few presents and a nice meal/takeaway/cake...why would you not?

Up to you. I think it's fine to scale back on number or value of presents if you want, but a takeaway and cake is nice at any age. If someone were visiting me on their birthday, they'd get cake!

Maybe they need a bit of a push to start thinking about getting YOU a cake on your birthday though.

I think the people you live with (be that parents, partner or friends) help to celebrate your birthday. I make a cake for anyone I'm seeing on their birthday.

It's fine to scale back the budget, but not celebrating seems mean. Surely you celebrate your own birthday despite being an adult?

Is a takeaway at home together not a nice thing to do? If it's a financial problem, you could suggest that everyone bar the birthday person chips in.

I’m 30 and moved out long ago and my mam still sends me £30 for a take away on my birthday.

I can’t see how ordering a takeaway for the family for a birthday needs scaling back as it isn’t much effort anyway? Unless it’s for financial reasons, in which case just stop and explain why

I've scaled right back with adult children.
Colin catapilla cake,maybe a take away and twenty pounds in card.
Son who lives away just £30.
But I've never gone overboard and they are always grateful!

IL's give DH (and me) cash and take us out for a meal. We go out for a meal with them or invite them over for a meal for DC/their birthdays.

My parents never organised anything for me since I was about 11, occasionally got a gift, but not every year.

Anything with friends I would expect them to organise themselves. I can't see I'd ever stop family meal & cake and a gift even if it's not on their exact birthday.

I'm 35, married with kids. My parents scalled back the gifts a long time ago, but we still have a "birthday tea" usually on the weekend following the actual birthday. Either the birthday persons favourite meal, or take away, and cake with parents, siblings and families invited. If I wanted a party, I'd expect to organise that myself.

You should scale it down when you are too old or ill to do it imo.

I’m 30 and live with my husband and child and still celebrate with my parents- they’ll get me a present and sometime around my birthday I’ll go round for dinner and my mum will cook something nice. A takeaway and a present doesn’t sound that much of a pain?

Admittedly DD will sort her own arrangements out, but we still mark her birthday within our household (the usual card/presents), cake and either a family tea out, takeaway or a meal of her choice. We do the same for both of us, and wouldn't do anything different for her.

there is a very odd thing on mumsnet where everyone thinks the kids turn 18 and they magically become adults and everything changes. Except it doesn't.

Mine are in their 20s and we still do big things on their birthdays and I absolutely make a huge fuss of them. It's actually even better when they are older as you don't have to worry about tantrums or overtiredness and can choose nice restaurants to celebrate in rather than laser quest or softplay :)

I have adult dc at home and adult dc who have their own homes. On their birthdays, or close to it if they have other plans, they come here for family dinner as dgs calls it. So their favourite meal followed by a birthday cake I bake and then cards and presents. They all buy for each other so it's not just my gift/gifts. Since dgs got to be old enough to enjoy a party it also involves a few party games to entertain him as well.

My son just turned 40 and I had a party for him at my place with about 40 people , because I have a big back garden . I set up all the tables and decorations ,shopped for it all , made all the salads and bought all the nibbles and soft drinks . I bought him a nice gift . This was a bit special but other birthdays I always give him a present and we celebrate by either going out to dinner or a cooked dinner .

Presents , cards and a meal out in this house , parents also get the same . Would be strange not to recognise a birthday 🥳

I'm late 20s but don't live at home - it was never a spoken about thing but I guess it's been one present since I was adult age, and a cake and takeaway/meal out depending on what I want to do (and if I'm seeing them). The gifts have varied enormously - sometimes it's just an item like a Pandora bracelet, other times they've paid for me to go on a (UK) holiday with them. I don't really have expectations big or small.

I live with my husband but still get a present from my parents, nowadays usually money and then I’ll try and see them around my birthday (we live a few hours away) and we will have a meal etc and usually a cake. If there’s no problem financially I would just carry on as usual? Perhaps if they are earning their own money you could scale down the presents, I would feel hurt if my parents stopped bothering for my birthday and even more so if I didn’t have my husband to arrange things too.

Family meal at home, present and cake

I don't really get your question?

Buying a cake and a takeaway seems like bare minimum for a family birthday regardless of age or whether they live with you.

If they were expecting you to organise and pay for a big celebration for their friends then you wouldn't be unreasonable to say no way you're old enough to sort that on your own now but it sounds like they are happy with just a takeaway with the family? For many people that's just a normal Friday night, not exactly a huge treat so doesn't seem excessive. In my family we tend to go out for meals for birthdays (birthday person organises time and place but everyone pays for themselves, occasionally our parents treat the birthday child but then we treat them on their birthdays) but that's because we all live separately, if you're all living in the same house a takeaway seems easier and cheaper.

It's fine to limit spending on presents if they are adults and now have their own income and to just get one smaller gift but to begrudge them a takeaway and a supermarket cake once a year seems a bit harsh!

I've not scaled down.......I've scaled up as finances not as tight cos I'm old and paid off mortgage 😳

My adult DD is already planning what she wants for her birthday, it’s fun, why not make a fuss of adult children. I love being made a fuss of on my birthday. It’s a day when we can appreciate each other, enjoy a nice time, doesn’t have to be expensive, my treat is a board game and 10 mile walk with all my family.

We still do birthday meals if they want. My kids birthdays are close together and one lives away so we did a joint night out at somewhere a bit more special, cocktails etc whereas we are taking dps dd1 to the pub for hers meeting her mum and partner there, last year we took his other dd out for dinner and drinks, though she tags along, wallet less most weeks!

I'm 44 & we go out for dinner & to the panto on my birthday - for my 40th my mum added me to the birthday list at the end, I was mortified sat right in the middle of the front row!

For DD2 who lives at home I still sneak into the living room once she's in bed & tack up banners & balloons, lay her gifts out on the sofa etc.

Everyone gets a cake for their birthday that's the law & their choice of dinner be it home cooked or takeaway on normal birthdays, special birthdays get dinner out.

DD1 is a leap day baby so her actual birthdays are always a little bit better than her unbirthday years with a nicer cake, gifts & dinner - lots of people don't get that but I think of it as she gets older every year but only has a birthday every 4 so that day should be recognised & special for her.

I'm talking 20s not teens and with their own income. Also scaling back not stopping entirely. So instead of bunch of presents fancy takeaway (not just fish and chips) and a cake. Instead just the one gift and a Colin for after tea of their choosing.