DS and Duke of Edinburgh

[Mayrain]

Trying to avoid another argument with DS so please help me get some perspective over DOE.

He begged us to let him do it, I was sceptical because he doesn’t actually enjoy walking or camping but he assured us that he was up for it. Started off really well volunteering at old people’s home and going to the gym for sport element so seemed to making an effort. Just before paying last instalment (trip cost £400 which is a lot of money to our family so others went without) he told me again he was definitely up for it. Fast forward 2 months and totally stopped with gym, barely volunteers and hasn’t even started on skill section. His practice walk is next week and he refuses to wear his boots in, won’t let us help him with any of the prep (as in checking if sleeping bag is right size, can blow up his mat etc) and is just sullen and moody everytime we mention it.

I’m as pissed off with myself as I am with him as I should have said no but here we are. I feel like taking the money back from him (he has it in savings) but is that childish? Everytime we raise it he either ignores it or it ends up in a row.

Some advice and perspective would be much appreciated.

OK, this bit I can confirm is exactly as my daughter has been told... and has paperwork to back up. I've also had conversations with her DofE lead and this was confirmed.

Other than his age and cost I'd actually wonder whether he's part of the same group... not camping in Derbyshire weekend after next is he?

A few people here are saying their children didn’t complete one section - my understanding is that they have till 25 to complete the outstanding section and still get the award .. so if they mind change they can still finish it

Thanks all, some good advice.

He's texted me in his lunch hour to see if we can do an Amazon order for plasters and earplugs tonight. Honestly, this and talk of trip to Decathlon is nothing short of a miracle compared to last few weeks.

Teenagers are, and probably always will be, a mystery to me ;)

@LittleOwl153 - no we're in SE so he's going to somewhere in Sussex.

Personally I think the whole thing is a waste of money. DS's volunteering was a joke but was passed. Same with the skills and having to get a non relative assessor was a PITA.

I disagree. The kids doing ours with school volunteering all over and it’s a good thing that a family member can’t sign off on a skill. Let’s face it, if it was I don’t think many would actually learn the skill.

My sons school provided zero help sorting out the volunteering. We don't have a big circle of people to ask for help.

You definitely should do this. Definitely. Nothing bad will happen except he will get cold wet and miserable (hopefully) which will help him to prepare for next time. Or he will be so badly prepared that he won't be allowed to do it (if he turns up without a sleeping bag etc). In which case it's been taken out of your hands and you can decide if he needs to reimburse you.
This is not your problem to solve.

Oh this is my dd
Absolutely
Right down to not having the conversation

Her anxiety and feeling guilty about not wanting to go would cause that reaction and I just have to ignore it and let her get on with it

I would just buy what she needs, leave it out, tell or text her to let me know if she needs anything else

Nothing more to do
Definitely don't make him feel guilty about the money and family finances, that's an adult issue.

We get DofE volunteers contacting us at the parkrun I'm one of the core team volunteers for, and it's amazing the range of teenagers you get. Some it's the parent who emails and arranges everything, the kid turns up on the first day with their responsible adult who does all the talking (some of the parkrun roles you need an adult with them) and you never hear a peep from them directly. They scrape in late each week, are monosyllabic when they're on their own or just chat with any other teenagers around, and generally don't seem to be enjoying themselves or getting anything from it. While others are fab! They send the email asking if they can volunteer with us directly themselves, they're pro-active about keeping in touch each week, often their parent has never done parkrun so they've clearly researched it independently. They turn up on time in all weathers and are cheerful and willing to get stuck in, engage with the other volunteers, are a pleasure to have around!

The former kind are a bit of a chore to manage, but we still hope that overall they're getting an idea about how volunteering as a team helps to make parkrun events happen each week, and that it isn't just something "other people" do.

Interestingly he’s been really well liked when volunteering, been helpful, chatty and polite. Wish I could get a bit more of this at home 😂

Lol sounds totally normal to me

Do you remember how polite Kevin and Perry were to each other's parents but just grunted at their own? 😁

Is he going with his school? Do you know if it is teachers who staff it or is there a company that runs it and the staff are there just for pastoral support? I'm asking this because if it's a company being paid to run the expeditions, then they will be ruthless. I've seen rucksacks emptied and fluffy slippers removed and sent home with the parents before the rucksack got on the bus. I was away with the Silver practice last weekend. They are organised and frankly wonderful but my god the bronze lot are appallingly disorganised and take with them a bunch of unsuitable stuff! I'd let him get on with it- he will learn the hard way.