One-child families without wider family - have you thought about your DC legacy?

[Marseilles]

We have one child (3) and it's looking increasingly likely she'll be our only one. Due to my age time has been running out. Unfortunately my husband and I don't have much wider family between us due to dysfunctional relationships and small families / loss. It means our child has a slightly odd grandma she sees a couple of times a year, a nice uncle and a cousin who is now an adult, and that is it.

I'm trying to get used to the idea of our daughter being an only child. It's not what DH or I would have chosen in an ideal world but we didn't meet each other until our late 30's. I'm wondering about other options like adoption or fostering but I know these aren't easy whatsoever.

My main motivation is more about the future, rather than the now. I think our daughter can have a lovely childhood, and we will work hard to keep providing experiences with other children and opportunities to socialise whilst she's young. We live in London where plenty of people are older parents with one child so she isn't unusual in that respect. However I worry about her "legacy" once DH and I are no longer around and there not really being anyone. She may not have a life partner of her own which is fine, but I worry she'll be alone without connections or any family.

I'm interested to hear from other parents in this position - with one child plus no wider family (or very few). Have you thought about your child's legacy once they are grown up and have you thought about steps you can take to support this?

I’m an only child with no cousins or grandparents, aunts or uncles (ok, one weird uncle who was estranged). My parents both died in my late 20’s. Somehow I have replicated this for my own child - but at least he has a lovely aunt & (elderly) grandparents on my ex’s side.

In addition (see above) my relationship with his dad did not work out so even his nuclear family is split.

I think about this all A LOT so I understand your concerns - I don’t think those who haven’t been in a similar situation really get it, what it's like at Christmas etc. There are times that I am sad for my son and also, I guess, sad for myself. I realise families are complicated (or toxic), and I don’t have any misty eyed assumptions about how rosy they all are.

For my DS, am doing what my parents did - showing the importance of friends, wider community and connection, being sociable, having fun and being a good friend. I have good friends who look out for me and I’m sure my DS will have the same, including friendships from way back that my parents helped enable, with an eye on the future. You can’t chose your family but you can chose your friends and I put a lot of effort into those relationships for him as we don't have family to fall back on.

So sorry for the loss of your parents@sunnylizard.

Having had DS at age 43, I fear deeply that he won't be out of his twenties before I am either dead or have dementia. My parents died at 53 and 66. DH is a few years younger than me, thank goodness.

@ChocChipHandbag I was almost 44 when had mini blondes

I don't worry as such that I won't see her grow up due to age

But I reliese that when I'm 84 (my dads age) she will be 40

Where as I'm almost 50 now

So a ten year diff between the age my dad had me and I had her (due to Mother Nature not playing ball)

What will be will be

But as I said above I have a will. Good life insurance. House will be hers and have guardian in place if both dh and I die before her