Excuse for not drinking alcohol.

[Descendent1]

I live in a culture where alcohol is a huge part of life. Unfortunately I don’t have a great relationship with alcohol and suffer from memory black outs even when I don’t drink much. I do enjoy a glass of wine but if I don’t stop after one or two drinks, I regret it the next day. I think, for me, just stopping drinking would be the best solution.

However, I know if I say I’m not drinking, people will try to pressure me. I feel like I need an excuse to prevent that from happening because otherwise, I know I’ll end up caving and having a drink.

Any ideas?

Can you drink non alcoholic beer and just not say anything?

Or say you’re not allowed medically - which is sort of true.

Just own it.

Instead of announcing a big I am not drinking
Don't make anyone else feel bad for drinking

Say "a coke for me please" not "just a coke" confidently say the drink you want

If questioned a simple "I don't feel like it right now"

And have your one glass of wine if you want when you want

Once they are all merrily on their way you not drinking really won't matter

You could say: “I’ve given up drinking for health reasons.” And when they pressure you, say: “I’ve given up drinking for health reasons.” And if they still pressure you, say: “I think I’d be better off without you twats as my friends.”

Just say no, you don’t want to.

Your reason for not drinking is valid and reason enough not to drink.
I don’t drink because it causes migraines, you don’t drink because it causes you to be unwell
You are the only person who can stop yourself drinking and you alone are responsible for your health.
So you tell people the truth - and be strong enough to stick to soft drinks.

Say you suffer from black outs even when you don't drink much!

I know if I say I’m not drinking, people will try to pressure me

You need better friends.
"I don't want to"
"I'm not drinking for health reasons"

What is this culture you live in?!

Two things need to happen: consider who tf you are hanging around with if they're pressuring you into alcohol; don't "cave", walk away.

I'm teetotal and have never made up excuses and my friends would never treat me this way.

I think this is great advice

You need better friends.

I've never felt like I've had to justify why I don't drink. (Same as PP - migraine trigger)

I would also say for health reasons or just have a big glass of tonic & 0% gin on the go so people just assume I’m drinking.

I dont drink alcohol either, friends are fine with it but some people can be pushy about why. I suffer from migraines and just explain it can trigger a migraine so I don't want to risk it.

Just say no!
No excuses or reasons needed.
They're not decent friends if they try to pressure you.

A lot of angst about what other people will think is in the head of the person who is giving up. If it's a big deal to you, it's natural to think that it will be a big deal to others, but it really isn't. I went from being the one who always drank the most to giving up, and the only people to mention it were fellow boozers who wanted to know how I did it, and people like my mum who has no boundaries when it comes to personal questions. Nobody else was remotely interested. Lots of people don't drink, or don't drink at every opportunity, so odd as it seemed to me at the time, I wasn't alone.

I had a vague 'cover story' which was that I was feeling generally unwell, so I had cut out anything that might be causing it, and when I realised I didn't miss alcohol I didn't bother to reintroduce it. That was true, except that the reason I was feeling ill was because I had liver damage caused by drinking, and I was/am very ashamed of that, so didn't want to get involved in a discussion about it. Once or twice, when someone had noticed I hadn't had a drink for ages, I was asked if I had given up altogether, and I used that as an explanation. I gave my mum a Paddington-inspired hard stare, and told her I'd stopped 'just because', in the way she used to say it to us as children 😎

Take your pick;

'Why aren't you drinking?'

1. Don't fancy it tonight.
2. Gone off it.
3. I'm tired.
4. Maybe later.
5. Not right now.
6. I'm trying to lose weight
7. I've decided that I'm perfectly capable of making a complete tit of myself without the assistance of alcohol.
8. Can't be doing with the mornings.
9. I've started going to the gym in the mornings.
10. It's messing up my sleep.
11. Getting older, I guess.
12. It's getting too expensive with the way the bills are going.
13. I'm saving up for a holiday/new car/whatever.
14. It's getting boring.
15. Have you seen the state of me in the morning?
16. Figured it was about time I grew up a bit.
17. I'd rather have my calories in the form of chips.
18. Is there a law that says I have to? Well, I'm breaking it.
19. Dunno. What are you having?
20. Have you tried this? It's really nice.
21. Just not. Where did you get that dress from/is that a Mulberry/you're looking very smart today/that colour shirt really suits you/how's Beth and the kids?
22. It's the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.
23. (shrug). Oh, isn't that Sid/Fred/Jess/Alice/Dave over there?
24. Hmm? Can't hear you - who's that (points past their shoulder, as they turn around, nip to the toilets)
25. Got a drink already.
26. Ah, I've had enough already.
27. I prefer to remember the stuff we do.
28. You know the state I've got into before, I'm not doing that again.
29. You know when you wake up in the morning and say 'Oh God, I'm never drinking again'? Yeah, that.
30. My off switch wasn't working. It's now stuck on off.

Drive whenever you go out. And just say “no thanks”. People invariably worry about this and make it a bigger deal than it ever is. No one actually cares about whether you are drinking as long as they get to pour alcohol down their own throats.

I think be honest. "Alcohol and me don't get on anymore"

Your circle sounds very similar to mine. I know lots of people who will buy me a drink even when I've said no, for example. Sometimes I drink them, sometimes I don't.

However, we also have a couple of friends who have stopped altogether after fighting their alcoholic demons and that is absolutely respected.

That's not true. Drinkers really do want everyone to drink and often don't take no for an answer.

I stopped drinking Boxing Day 2021 after being the same as you for a while. Most people didn't seem to care. I did have a few instances in the later part of the year of drinking but I didn't like it so stopped again mid December. A friend of mine doesn't drink and we were talking about this yesterday. You just have to be firm with people and if they don't like it fuck them. It's your life and your body.

I say, 'I'm doing 100 dry days, sobre October, a year of the beer, a dry December, dry January, 90 day no drink challenge,' whatever suits.

I tell everyone I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic. That soon shuts them up. I'm not an alcoholic I just hate alcohol.

Not in my experience. They only care about drinking themselves and any supposed wanting other people to drink is only because they are worried that if someone isn’t drinking it may hamper their own opportunity to poison themselves. Not because they actually “want” anyone else to drink. And of course they will take “no” for an answer if it’s the only one that keeps coming, they don’t have any other option!

If some people who drink didn’t pressure others to drink, it wouldn’t be such a massive topic for advice within sober communities. It’s a very real and difficult thing to deal with.

That said, in situations you can’t avoid, I would always have a (AF) drink in hand and if people try to buy you anything, just say no thanks, I’m driving, I’ve stopped for health reasons, I’m on a health kick at the moment, or tell the truth (I’m a bit of an idiot when I drink so I’m taking a break). In the short term, you may just need to stay at home, do other activities besides drinking with them, avoid being around them if they’re going to be a PITA.

In the longer term though, it’s probably a sign you need to find new people to hang around with. Especially if being AF is going to be a long-term choice, then you want to surround yourself with people who either also don’t drink or are supportive of you not drinking.

I don’t drink anymore. I went to a coronation party yesterday, brought my AF beverage in a wine glass. In about 4 hours, only one person even mentioned a drink simply to offer me some prosecco, I said no thanks and that was it. Because I spend time with people who don’t care about who is drinking. Not everyone is like that though and if it’s a longer term choice, you probably need to either be quite blunt or you need to find new friends.

I just say I don't feel like one, practice using the word no

Being the sober one willing to drive in a friendship group of drinkers can make you very popular!

We have one and we always pay his entry and buy his soft drinks all evening.