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Original poster

Excuse for not drinking alcohol.

53 replies

Descendent1 · 08/05/2023 09:29

I live in a culture where alcohol is a huge part of life. Unfortunately I don’t have a great relationship with alcohol and suffer from memory black outs even when I don’t drink much. I do enjoy a glass of wine but if I don’t stop after one or two drinks, I regret it the next day. I think, for me, just stopping drinking would be the best solution.

However, I know if I say I’m not drinking, people will try to pressure me. I feel like I need an excuse to prevent that from happening because otherwise, I know I’ll end up caving and having a drink.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 08/05/2023 12:23

Either say you will drive as suggested or say - I don’t want to drink and if someone keeps pushing I will go home.

Unescorted · 08/05/2023 12:26

I stopped drinking about 6 months ago & felt similarly pressured to drink at first. I think part of it was in my head - if I was being asked if I wanted something from the bar the person asking wouldn't get me a AF drink. There were a couple of people who were genuinely affronted when I told them I had stopped drinking, but they were the people who also had less than healthy relationships with alcohol and it was their continued drinking that caused the aggressive / pressured response not my stopping.

Mostly I have had a really positive response from people and all it needs is a brief answer along the lines or I don't drink alcohol or me and alcohol are not friends. Some people will ask a couple of questions but mostly the conversation moves on quickly

Iwasafool · 08/05/2023 12:27

I don't drink because I don't drink. I don't need an excuse and I don't have one. I just laugh at people who pressure me. I went to a wedding once where the father of the bride was insistent that I had to drink, he kept sending whisky over to me. I ended up with loads of glasses of whisky on my table and just told other people to help themselves. He eventually got so drunk he forgot about me. Dread to think what all that whisky cost at a posh hotel.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 08/05/2023 12:28

Just say you don’t want to, job done.

Frith2013 · 08/05/2023 12:35

I refuse to bow to the ridiculous pressure to a) drink or b) make excuses.

You don't need to explain yourself.

(Haven't drunk for 24 years).

RampantIvy · 08/05/2023 13:03

Drinkers really do want everyone to drink and often don't take no for an answer.

Let me rephrase that for you:

Selfish arseholes who aren't good friends really do want everyone to drink and often don't take no for an answer.

Original poster
Descendent1 · 08/05/2023 13:38

There are people in my family and in the small community I live in who 100% take issue if I don’t drink unfortunately. You might say, make better friends, but it’s hard when it’s family. Also hard when you’re part of a specific community where everyone is very much interlinked. They will be at events I go to for instance. That’s why I feel I need to be armed with an excuse each time. These are really helpful.

im actually considering saying that I’ve ended up vomiting the day after drinking recently and so it seems my body isn’t agreeing with alcohol any more.

OP posts:
Pinkydamage · 08/05/2023 13:41

Descendent1 · 08/05/2023 13:38

There are people in my family and in the small community I live in who 100% take issue if I don’t drink unfortunately. You might say, make better friends, but it’s hard when it’s family. Also hard when you’re part of a specific community where everyone is very much interlinked. They will be at events I go to for instance. That’s why I feel I need to be armed with an excuse each time. These are really helpful.

im actually considering saying that I’ve ended up vomiting the day after drinking recently and so it seems my body isn’t agreeing with alcohol any more.

I'm not sure that will be "enough", they'll see that as a price worth paying!

Either drive or let them think you have alcohol issues.

RampantIvy · 08/05/2023 13:50

Tell them that alcohol makes you ill.

Your family and local community don't sound very nice.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 08/05/2023 13:58

I have relatives and friends who don't drink 'for medical reasons', 'it interferes with my medications', 'it makes me feel sick', 'I don't like the taste'. If explanations won't work try getting your own drinks and get tonic water or soda water (nobody needs to know there isn't a gin or vodka in there too), or mocktails, Or if someone gives you a drink, just hold onto it and don't drink it all lunchtime, evening. If anyone offers you another drink you can say 'No thanks, I'm still working on this one'.

Iwasafool · 08/05/2023 17:10

Why do we need excuses not to drink? Does anyone have to give reasons for drinking? It is ridiculous, if you don't want a drink don't have one. I used to work in an area where there was a big drinking culture and everyone got used to the fact I didn't drink, I just politely declined offers, it took a while and I had to be consistent but eventually they got it.

Findyourneutralspace · 08/05/2023 17:13

It’s not been agreeing with me lately so I’m having a break

ShyMaryEllen · 08/05/2023 23:38

Iwasafool · 08/05/2023 17:10

Why do we need excuses not to drink? Does anyone have to give reasons for drinking? It is ridiculous, if you don't want a drink don't have one. I used to work in an area where there was a big drinking culture and everyone got used to the fact I didn't drink, I just politely declined offers, it took a while and I had to be consistent but eventually they got it.

I don't think it's so much about needing an excuse not to drink - it's more that not everyone feels comfortable with telling others to mind their own business, or with baring their soul to acquaintances (or F&F for that matter). Sometimes, just having a cover story ready can make life easier, even if we never need to use it.

Iwasafool · 10/05/2023 10:07

ShyMaryEllen · 08/05/2023 23:38

I don't think it's so much about needing an excuse not to drink - it's more that not everyone feels comfortable with telling others to mind their own business, or with baring their soul to acquaintances (or F&F for that matter). Sometimes, just having a cover story ready can make life easier, even if we never need to use it.

Show quote history

I specifically said I politely decline so where you got "telling others to mind their own business" from I can't imagine but you obviously did imagine it.

Why on earth would saying "No thanks" to a drink involve baring your soul to anyone? Not wanting an alcoholic drink at the moment or ever is not something shameful we need to hide. If you don't want a drink just own it, say no thanks with a smile and if they ask why you can just say you don't want one.

newnamethanks · 10/05/2023 10:09

'I don't drink, makes me ill' has always been sufficient for me. Nobody so much as raises an eyebrow.

ShyMaryEllen · 10/05/2023 10:34

Iwasafool · 10/05/2023 10:07

I specifically said I politely decline so where you got "telling others to mind their own business" from I can't imagine but you obviously did imagine it.

Why on earth would saying "No thanks" to a drink involve baring your soul to anyone? Not wanting an alcoholic drink at the moment or ever is not something shameful we need to hide. If you don't want a drink just own it, say no thanks with a smile and if they ask why you can just say you don't want one.

Show quote history

I didn't imagine that you said you would tell anyone to MTOB. I said that not everyone wants to do that, however politely. I also don't think that people's feelings are 'ridiculous', even if you do. The OP is telling us how she feels, based on her experience and culture, and ridiculing that is less than helpful.

Iliketulips · 10/05/2023 10:40

OP, you really need to spell it out to them how bad you feel afterwards and if they're not listening, then yes, exaggerate. No one should pressure you into drinking if it's not right for you.

My DD drinks very little. Sadly she has a drastic reason for not drinking, but it shocks everyone into respecting her choice.

greenlychee · 10/05/2023 10:42

say you're on antibiotics is always a good one they can't argue with, have a reason for why you're taking them (e.g. ear infection) some nosy person will always ask why!

the other option is to get a drink and pretend to drink it but don't actually taste it.

greenlychee · 10/05/2023 10:43

or even say you've become allergic to alcohol and it makes you violently ill or gives you a migraine

that way you've got an excuse forever more!

RedRosette2023 · 10/05/2023 10:45

frozendaisy · 08/05/2023 09:35

Just own it.

Instead of announcing a big I am not drinking
Don't make anyone else feel bad for drinking

Say "a coke for me please" not "just a coke" confidently say the drink you want

If questioned a simple "I don't feel like it right now"

And have your one glass of wine if you want when you want

Once they are all merrily on their way you not drinking really won't matter

Absolutely my DH doesn’t drink much, he just isn’t into it and will often just have squash when buying a round (I do get annoyed his is 20p and everyone else is having something alcoholic 😂)

MistySkiesAreGone · 10/05/2023 10:49

Rules for yourself.

'I don't drink during the week'

'I'm not into getting drunk anymore, don't like it / don't like the hangover'....most people relate a bit to this.

Replace drinking with other hobbies - cooking is a great one.

Drink mocktails (careful as v sugary) or interesting soft drinks. Two drink rule then soft drinks. Alternate a soft drink and an alcoholic drink. Drink your drink much slower.

Only allow yourself to let go for a very special occasion - think weddings or one night on holiday.

It's doable :)

Skybluepinky · 10/05/2023 10:57

Fatty liver so not allowed to drink.

WillWinterEnd · 10/05/2023 11:05

My friend always says health issues.

Sad your family don't respect your feelings. My dad, brother and sister no longer drink and I would never push them to have alcohol.

Corriebobs · 10/05/2023 11:08

I always say 'it doesn't agree with me'

covers the very wide ranging truth about actual health issues, terrible hangovers, what actually happens to my behaviour when I have a drink, and so on.

AlwaysTheGoodGirl · 10/05/2023 11:27

You don't have to come up with any excuses or reasons, it's perfectly reasonable of you to not want to drink alcohol. But I completely understand the feeling that you have to have some kind of elaborate defence prepared, and that the thought of a night out comes with weeks of overthinking and dread about how you're going to get out of joining in with the 'fun.'

It's our work night out soon and all everyone can talk about is how drunk they're going to get, and how they're going to get me on the shots. I am dreading it. They know that a couple of glasses of wine is my limit, but they seem to think it's their job to get me to enjoy myself. I'm not some kind of puritan, I don't think it's wrong to drink, I just plain do not enjoy being drunk or around drunk people.

So either I go along with it and end up really feeling unwell, stand my ground and feel like a party pooper, or don't go at all and look like a freak. I completely sympathise with you @Descendent1 Of course you should just be able to say you don't want to drink, but I know it's hard. Why should it be this way?? So infuriating.

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