Leaving career for less stressful job - anyone done it?

[pennypingletonpenny]

I’ve worked almost full-time for the past fifteen years except for maternity leave (twice). I’ve been able to progress to my current role where I earn around 65k.

I have hated work for most of that time but stayed because it’s the sensible thing to do and in many ways it’s been a good decision - I have built up a pretty decent defined benefit pension, own a house (with mortgage). I actually don’t mind my current role but I hate so much of what goes with it - the line management responsibilities, the unreasonable expectations from my own managers, crazy working hours, constant expectation to be “strategic” rather than just doing the job well.

I’m struggling to see the point. I have two young children (6 and 3) and I want to enjoy this time with them but instead I’m always worrying about work. I feel like I’m wasting the best years of my life.

Essentially I just want to do a less stressful job which is genuinely part-time, with no line management responsibilities, for a few years. I want to enjoy spending time with my kids after school rather than always rushing to pick them up from nursery/after school club as they close and sticking them in front of the TV whilst I try to finish off work.

Obviously this would mean a big pay cut. I’ve done the figures and we could afford it but it feels like such a risk. Has anyone done it? Did it go ok? Am I crazy?

For context my DH works as well and also earns a good salary, he is good at sharing pick ups/drop offs and housework but obviously half still falls to me. He doesn’t really mind what I do as long as we can still cover bills and just wants me to be happier.

Anyone?

Just one last try in case there is anyone out there!

Hi OP, I haven't done exactly what you did, but I changed my career a few years ago when I was seriously hating my old job. I wasn't earning as much as you, and my salary didn't drop with the change of job, but it was still a big decision, and turned out to be one of the best I've ever made. I don't hate work anymore, in fact I often actively enjoy it, which is still pretty mind blowing to me!

I'm not going to tell you that money doesn't buy happiness etc because money is bloody important. You're on a good wedge and you're quite right to give serious thought before giving that up. However, life is for living, and enjoying as much as possible, and it sounds like maybe the stress involved just isn't worth it to you any more. Good luck to you. Sounds to me like you have made your choice

Possibly a bit different from your situation, but I left my GP partnership and took a less pressured GP job instead. For a couple of years I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously at work and resented being stereotyped as being on the "mum track". In the last year I've changed direction again and managed to pick up a leadership role, but honestly for a couple of years I did wonder if I had made a mistake. Can you keep your current role but reduce to part-time?

I have not done exactly this but have changed jobs from a high stress one to one which is more rewarding and less stress with a better work/life balance - think 12 hour days, weekends, constantly on call to a 37 hour week.

It sounds like you need a break and it could work out for you whilst the DC are young but do not fall into the same trap if you go back full time later on. Work out what you want and maybe see if any courses or certifications would help get you a job you enjoy, but also meets your salary expectations, you could do in the meantime.

Could you take your work self employed instead?

What job do you do?
My closest friend is employment lawyer partner, but has also been Head of Dept for many years. Whilst enjoying it, She is looking forward to that part ending, so less of the managing a team, and more going back to just doing the law part. Can you do such a sidewards step in your firm, or a new job. To retain the parts you like, rid of the parts you are not so keen on.

OP, I don’t have an answer to this because I am in exactly the same situation. I totally empathise.

I’m senior manager level and work triggers my anxiety that I manage with meds now. Changing jobs would mean a very big drop in income. At the moment I’m shoving as much into my pension and savings as an exit strategy. Although I might be broken by the time that comes 😢

Can you do something similar to your role part time or be self employed or something? Sure people leave well paid roles for lesser so ones, but if you'll then be worrying about finances then I doubt you'll enjoy the time with your children as much. You'll also probably feel bored, think about the longer term career impact too and whether your DH would continue to pull his weight if you worked part time.

I'd look into the art of the possible where you are first.

Hi Op.

YES! I have done this, and it's amazing!

I have to admit, I would never have left my workplace of my own accord, but I was offered Voluntary Redundancy and took it.

I was working in a Bank, and had been there for 27 years. Salary was okay, nowhere near as high as yours though!

Anyway, long story short, I decided to see if I could make money at dog boarding and doggie day care, in my own home.

It was, and still is, a huge success. I have no overheads and no staff. I have dogs here every day (a mix of day care and boarding). I take my holidays whenever I want. I have zero stress. All I have to do is feed and walk them twice a day, and then sit with them. I haven't taken on any new dogs for over 2 years, so I have the same ones in all the time, and they are all excellently behaved, don't chew, don't mess inside and sleep all night. I also only take little dogs, as I learned that the larger ones are harder to care for, harder to walk etc. So, I generally have several small fluff balls every day.

It might be something to consider when the youngest goes to school?

It may sound daunting, but you would build up a client base VERY quickly, as this is in high demand. In the past year, I have turned away at least a hundred people desperate for a place.

You'd need a licence from the council (easy) and to buy pet sitting insurance which costs circa £150 p/a. And that's you ready to go.

Yes and now the children are older I'm regretting it more than a bit.

Obviously I don't regret the time spent with the children. But just to warn you that the feeling of not having the balance right doesn't go away. I can't get back to where I was career wise and the people who worked for me are all now more senior than me. That takes a lot to make peace with.

If you’re not sure, there is the parental leave option, 4 weeks per child, max total up to age. 18 is 18 weeks. It’s unpaid but T & C’s remain unchanged. I’ve started utilising this for week & 2 week breaks, then taking my annual leave as odd days, meaning I don’t tend to do a full week as often. But I’m at the latter end of career and I’m in the don’t give a shit bracket so don’t care if they get rid of me.

Its a huge decision. I recommend investing in getting some career coaching so you can really look at what are you non negotiates/ deal breakers etc

Yeah I've done it. I now work 20 hours in a relatively well paid and demanding role which I don't really enjoy but with no line management responsibilities and I have not gone for promotions deliberately in order to preserve my work life balance. I do have another part time career as a counsellor that is not as well paid but that brings in some additional money and I love it and it is totally different from the other job.

Thank you for all the responses! To answer some questions:

I have actually attempted to go part time several times and it hasn’t worked at all. I’m technically 80% but I clock up so many extra hours to get the work done. I’m senior enough that I don’t have much management oversight so they’re happy to approve part time (which means they can pay me less) but not so happy to have a discussion about what gets deprioritised as a result! So my actual earnings are currently more like 50k.

The alternative jobs I’ve been eyeing up are more in the 40k bracket, but part time so maybe around 25k actual. So a huge drop. But they’re several rungs down the ladder and much more in the “doing” space rather than “managing”, which is what I think they want.

We’ve done the sums and this should be fine for us to live on, obviously more money is nice but I just don’t think it’s worth this? I’m not sure why I’m doing it? I get the pension argument but for someone my age my pension is actually already pretty good. Also not to be morbid but I also really don’t want to sacrifice my current happiness for a future that may not come - my close friend has just been diagnosed with cancer at the age of 40, and my aunt died suddenly last year 6 months after retiring…

Speaking to a career coach is a good idea and I’m going to look into this. I feel like I’ve tried a lot to make my current role work but I’m just done with it now, I don’t have the energy to care! For example I’ve just had approval to recruit two extra members of staff due to my team’s workload which in theory is great but it will be me who has to advertise, interview, get someone on board, train them up etc all on top of my existing workload and I just don’t have the headspace for it.

The self worth points are interesting. I honestly don’t believe much of my self worth is related to work. I have a lot of outside interests and I’ve honestly never really enjoyed my job that much so I think it would probably be fine. But I guess I won’t know for sure until it may be too late…

Oh, forgot to say the job is public sector and not the kind of thing which can be done on a self employed basis unfortunately.

Hello, I was in a similar position a few years ago only my dc weren't yet born. Also senior public sector role and I just had enough. I took a much less senior role with a similar employer. It was great for a few years, especially through two maternity periods. To be honest I got a bit frustrated in the end because the people around me could see I was more capable the the role required and kept giving me extra responsibilities, I also found it hard to have more senior colleagues (who were more junior than my previous roles) act as though they knew more than me and try to offer me "development opportunities ", not their fault of course but I didn't like it. Eventually I looked for a role more similar to my previous roles but was VERY selective about the employer. I'm in that role now and just about to go for a promotion which would take me back to the place I was at 10 years ago and tbh I'm enjoying it loads more than I ever did but I do think this is due to having a great employer now.

Oh that’s interesting and I can see that would be a risk.

If I took a job with the aim of being able just to focus on the core responsibilities and leave work behind at the end of the day, and then they tried to give me loads of unpaid “development opportunities” I would be so annoyed!

WTF. Why are you doing so much unpaid overtime. That's stupid. Stop that immediately. See these below:

much unpaid overtime is reasonable in a £50k role? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/work/4800542-how-much-unpaid-overtime-is-reasonable-in-a-ps50k-role

I know, it’s ridiculous! It’s just impossible to get everything done if I don’t do it, and it will mean things fall apart and it will be very obvious and embarrassing.

I should mention that I am able to claim the time back over the summer (the only quiet period). Which then means I can sell back my annual leave as I don’t have enough time to take it 😂 All a bit ridiculous really.

No advice but same situation here, its useful to read the replies.

I'm on the same salary as you, DC the same age. I also tried part time when I came back from mat leave but ended up doing the same amount of work for less money, so swiftly went back to full time.

Like @mintbiscuit it triggers my anxiety and I just don't think it's worth it anymore.

We've also had a few bereavements lately and I think life is just too short. We have a decent amount of money in the bank but DH's career pays way less so I'm the main earner, so it's daunting. But I think something has to change.

I think 100% prioritise your time with your children. You will never get it back.

We've also had a few bereavements lately and I think life is just too short.

I think 100% prioritise your time with your children. You will never get it back.

Both of these sum it up for me really! And yet I don’t know why I feel so unsure about it. I feel like it’s not “sensible” to quit but what is so sensible about carrying on like this and feeling so unhappy? I need some help to understand my own feelings I think!

I did this.

I worked in a senior role with a lot of travelling for 12 years. I was 0.8 for 8 years but in reality worked the same hours just for less pay. I was always on and eventually when voluntary redundancy was an option I took it when the kids were 10 and 5.

I didn't work for 9 months then went back to work in a role with no line management and much less responsibilities. I started back full time which nearly sent me over the edge but after a year was able to go part time.

I went from earning over £45k for 4 days to earning £25 working 3 days. Best decision I ever made. 6 years on and my work life balance is pretty much perfect. I'm in my 50s and can't see me going back full time any time soon.

Yes, this.

We've lost friends and my Dad died at 68. No one wishes they'd worked longer hours (or done more dusting) on their deathbeds!