Leaving career for less stressful job - anyone done it?

[pennypingletonpenny]

I’ve worked almost full-time for the past fifteen years except for maternity leave (twice). I’ve been able to progress to my current role where I earn around 65k.

I have hated work for most of that time but stayed because it’s the sensible thing to do and in many ways it’s been a good decision - I have built up a pretty decent defined benefit pension, own a house (with mortgage). I actually don’t mind my current role but I hate so much of what goes with it - the line management responsibilities, the unreasonable expectations from my own managers, crazy working hours, constant expectation to be “strategic” rather than just doing the job well.

I’m struggling to see the point. I have two young children (6 and 3) and I want to enjoy this time with them but instead I’m always worrying about work. I feel like I’m wasting the best years of my life.

Essentially I just want to do a less stressful job which is genuinely part-time, with no line management responsibilities, for a few years. I want to enjoy spending time with my kids after school rather than always rushing to pick them up from nursery/after school club as they close and sticking them in front of the TV whilst I try to finish off work.

Obviously this would mean a big pay cut. I’ve done the figures and we could afford it but it feels like such a risk. Has anyone done it? Did it go ok? Am I crazy?

For context my DH works as well and also earns a good salary, he is good at sharing pick ups/drop offs and housework but obviously half still falls to me. He doesn’t really mind what I do as long as we can still cover bills and just wants me to be happier.

@HeadIssues I was the main earner in our house too. By quite some margin. But after two periods on maternity leave we realised that we could live on a lot less and still enjoy life.

I don't know about you but for me i think I just find it difficult to do something for myself. At the moment I think I'm miserable but I can hide it from DC so that's fine, I'm the only one who suffers. Whereas if I take that "risk" and we start earning less and potentially cutting back on a few extras it will affect them.

Of course it's stupid as I'm sure they'd benefit more from a happy mum that they get to see more of but it's hard!

@soupmaker good point. It's by a big margin for us too but yes, as you say we made it work through 2 mat leaves so we'd probably be OK!

I resigned from a senior NHS role and work via agency now. Fully clinical, no management, pay the same if not better, control over my work life balance.

I'm all for work life balance, but be careful you don't take a role that you think is less stressful then it isn't. Lots of managers overseeing you. And zero flexibility. Can you cut your hours further to 60%? Or take unpaid parental leave to give you more time off with kids? Don't know what role you're in but that amount of overtime isn't good! Thinking either teacher or legal.

But no job security, rubbish pension options - guess I'm living life for now then suffering for later.

I did and have to say I found it hard being managed and having people above me who knew less than me making decisions. I know that sounds awful and I was a dutiful employee but I wouldn't underestimate that (unless you completely move to a sector you have zero background in).

I think you need to change your mindset and go for something that is advertised right from the start as either

A- senior , but jobshare (and stick to it)
B - nowhere near what you are capable of but the hours suit, pay is ok and to be frank take it for what it is whilst your children are young.

Personally I would look for a different senior role but one that genuinely can be a job share or under 25 hours a week. ( better to be set days I feel than 5 hours every day)

Women do it all the time OP- they realise that the old concept of having it all effectively meant doing it all for many

Yep, don't underestimate how stressful loss of autonomy at work can be.

Or how much your work role is woven into your identity.

I did this two years ago. I don't have kids but was totally burned out and being pushed to do more and more at work. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I lost a lot of what I had achieved and now miss it. It will be hard to build back. I have also dropped further in pay that I had anticipated. On the other hand, the corresponding drop in stress is incredible. It has taken me a while to recalibrate and I am now feeling energised enough to try and find the middle ground. I don't know if that helps but I guess I would say go for it, but have a good think about what you want in the long term so it doesn't get lost in the short term thinking.

This is actually a very good point. I haven't been actively managed for the best part of 20 years. In my current role I have a lot of autonomy and flexibility, which in itself is worth a great deal.

Ah, yes - this sums up my own thinking and how I’ve got to this point! I completely agree with everything you’ve said.

I have attempted to sort out a jobshare - at one point I even had a jobshare partner lined up but then she found out she was pregnant.

I’ve experimented with part time and it just hasn’t worked, I think it’s linked to the type of role as the work isn’t that quantifiable i.e. it’s not like we have a caseload we can reduce by 20%.

In my sector it’s very normal to advertise jobs as “suitable for full time or part time” which is absolute nonsense because really, how is that even possible? But employees (women) accept it because it means we get a day off with our children and managers accept it because they know the work will still get done, probably through unpaid overtime.

If I go for option B I will only take a job which is advertised for a set number of part-time hours from the outset.

I gave up my career because the only option was a 9 day fortnight & in reality you were doing 10 days work, no wfh then. I worked very p/t for a few yrs & now do 4 short days in a job i love. Pay is much lower but it's bliss to not take work & stress home & makes family life much easier.

I think about doing this all the time.

I do a public sector clinical job - am a psychotherapist therapist in the nhs. I earn just under £50k

I can do this private but I don’t really enjoy working that way, ideally I’d like to do something completely different tbh.

I used to like bar work when I was younger, not sure I could cope with the late nights in my mid 40s though!

@pennypingletonpenny you are absolutely right - if we go for these 75% time senior roles they usually want full time volumes crammed in for 75% of salary- or expect your own personal standards will mean you end up working full time - but in your own time for 75% of pay,

I think with a jobshare the advantage is the seniority level stays the same as does the depth of work but once your time is up there is someone to carry on without you keep checking emails etc.

It also looks better on your CV if I'm honest.

However if you genuinely want way less stress don't feel bad at taking something mundane- but don't be remotely suprised if you really hate some ambitious 28 year old managing you and issuing orders! I couldn't hack that now to be honest.

I worked for many years in HR/recruitment /office management and have encountered these situations lots of times. It's much easier to start afresh where you can kind of set the deal than try and tinker with your own role and people's expectations of you

I left an extremely stressful role and went part time. During that time I had the head space to go to college, make friends and do so much. I am back in a Senior stressful role now, but feel much more able as I decided what my boundaries are if that resounds?

don't be remotely suprised if you really hate some ambitious 28 year old managing you and issuing orders!

Ah, this really made me laugh. I remember being 28 myself and managing people older than me and wondering how they felt about it. I think if the overall deal felt reasonable i.e. hours, work/life balance, being able to actually spend time with my children during the week etc, then I could cope with it. But it’s something to reflect on.

feel much more able as I decided what my boundaries are if that resounds?

Absolutely, I have worked with several people who seem to have much better boundaries than I do. And also people who just genuinely don’t give a shit about work, but get away with it! Obviously the first group is the best one to be in as you’re still respected, but despite trying very hard I still don’t really seem to be able to achieve it!

You sound like you might be an academic? If you are, those £40k roles are just so subject to the whims of a manager, who might micro manage you to death or expect you to work huge amounts of overtime anyway.

I did something similar, and it has worked out well. My old role had a lot of international travel as well as being high pressure. I had built up a financial war chest so I quit when the children were toddlers and worked part time for a small organisation. The children are now teens and the part time role expanded into full time with line management responsibilities! But it’s fine, I felt ready for it again and am enjoying it. And of course it pays the bills as well.

Not an academic 😊

Agree with this point about more / less stress.

I'm in a more junior role now than I was 3 years ago (not completely through choice!) and it is the most stressful job I've had, mainly because of management style and chaotic nature of the organisation.

I've now decided I need to leave as a matter of urgency to preserve my mental health which means I will probably earn even less as I have lost a lot of confidence in the last 3 years and feel deskilled.

However OP I do think you won't regret prioritising your children and your own happiness.

Oh no that’s not good. Do you have any tips on how to avoid a role like this?

Good luck finding an alternative.

Thanks @pennypingletonpenny
I did have some prior warning that the organisation was very chaotic, but (i) needed a job (ii) thought I could cope.

I guess do as much research as possible into new opportunities and think how well they fit with the way you like to work.

I find it frustrating not to be in a management role because I feel sure I could do a better job and improve the services we offer but also because I have no support from my manager at all. How you find these things out beforehand I have no idea - so much depends on what an individual can cope with / wants to put up with/ can rise above.

Are you likely to be able to leverage your network to identify roles where that will be an issue?

To an extent, it is inevitable to find junior roles more stressful for the loss of autonomy etc than maybe it felt prior to the senior role.

Do you mean me or the PP? In my case then I don’t think I’d want to downgrade within my current organisation - it’s almost unheard of and the dynamic with colleagues would be really odd. I would want to leave for a new organisation I think.