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Original poster

How do you get over embarrassment?

28 replies

wheresit · 05/05/2023 16:18

I've done something embarrassing and my brain is tormenting me, over and over! How do you stop the endless self-torture when you've done or said something daft?

OP posts:
CoronationWombleSandwiches · 05/05/2023 16:20

I wish I knew.

dudsville · 05/05/2023 16:23

On the one hand the cringe can keep us humble, on the other hand it can be debilitating. Can you work out the difference between "argh, wish i hadn't done that" with a self compassionate shrug vs "I'm an idiot" and a feeling of associated worthlessness? I think the first one is ok and the second one needs work.

PsychoHotSauce · 05/05/2023 16:23

Push it down, wayyy down and refuse to think about it. Think of it like a horrible nightmare but pretend it wasn't real. It fades. denial is powerfulGrin

Alternatively if other people were witnesses go the opposite way and front it out. Both work for me. I frequently embarrass myself!

LakeTiticaca · 05/05/2023 16:31

Can you expand on what you did?

Dreamingofasandybeach · 05/05/2023 16:43

It will never leave you hun. sometimes before im drifting off to sleep, I still think about embarrassing scenarios that happened to me from years ago 🤣

Original poster
wheresit · 05/05/2023 16:43

I like that, a mix of humility and denial sounds good👌 I'm going to go for a drink too I think.

@LakeTiticaca I tried to negotiate a pay rise and I totally lost my nerve, it was not a good conversation.

(I know lots of people would say it's no big deal but it's replaying over and over and I'm cringing like hell.)

OP posts:
jlpartnerrs · 05/05/2023 16:44

If you're best friend had done something similar how would you react? Then try and treat yourself the same way

jlpartnerrs · 05/05/2023 16:46

Having seen your update I would also ask yourself, what now would you do differently and look on it as a learning experience. Asking for a payrise the first time is awks, asking after a few is much easier. Go for the no because one day it will be a yes. xx

Dracuuule · 05/05/2023 16:48

There are always people who've done worse. Forget it.

fidgetcube · 05/05/2023 16:54

I’d tell you if I knew. I pretty much just think about it forever and it eventually gets a little bit funny.

I have a tic disorder and I have done many embarrassing things because of it and still I don’t get used to it.

Original poster
wheresit · 05/05/2023 17:05

jlpartnerrs · 05/05/2023 16:46

Having seen your update I would also ask yourself, what now would you do differently and look on it as a learning experience. Asking for a payrise the first time is awks, asking after a few is much easier. Go for the no because one day it will be a yes. xx

Thank you for this! That's a really useful way of thinking about it and I appreciate it.

OP posts:
WhiteBloatus · 05/05/2023 17:20

I always remind myself that as I only ever fixate on my own embarrassing situations and not other peoples, that probably means no one else is actually thinking about mine except me, because they are all too busy thinking about their own!

DelurkingAJ · 05/05/2023 17:23

I find it fades…over the course of 30 years or so. Other things I suppress and then they blindside me as I’m calmly doing something else and I die a little inside. As I can’t remember anything my friends have done like this I reassure myself that everybody else has forgotten (or thinks it no big deal)!

Stomacharmeleon · 05/05/2023 17:31

@WhiteBloatus that's so true. What is huge in our consciousness barely registers on others radar. I am a huge over-thinker and the older I get the more I realise it's time wasted.

HelpMeGetThrough · 05/05/2023 17:32

The way I deal with it is, I just don't care.

I suppose my last potential embarrassing situation is when I was in a work meeting with AirPods as headphones, needed a slash and forgot to mute them, it was only the management team on there, but one twat decided he was going to bring it up in other meetings, in his words for "maximum embarrassment factor", just told him in front of everyone that, every time he opens his mouth, he causes embarrassment to himself.

Job done.

baddecisions11 · 05/05/2023 17:38

Oo I may have something that can help. I read something regarding embarrassment in a self help book years ago and it has stuck with me and I rarely get embarrassed now! It said something like 'think of a situation where you were embarrassed..... then think of a situation where someone else was embarrassed'. It works because it is very hard/impossible to think of a situation where someone else was embarrased, which makes you realise that you may for example fall over in public and be mortified, but the people that saw may have looked or laughed at the time but then they wont think of it again, people are too wrapped up in their own lives to really be bothered what others are doing, and makes you realise that embarrassment is a bit of a pointless emotion to have x

WhiteBloatus · 05/05/2023 17:56

OP your boss is currently obsessing over a word they used in the wrong context at a meeting this morning, they haven’t given your pay rise conversation another thought, so forget it and enjoy your evening x

kardashianklone · 05/05/2023 18:12

Whenever I feel the cringe of something embarrassing coming on, I think that every person (including me) who saw, or heard me do the embarrassing thing, will be dead one day. So the memory of the embarrassing thing will also be dead, and I am really the only one keeping it alive. So if I lay it to rest, then it ceases to exist.

northeastnowhere · 05/05/2023 19:32

I have embarrassed myself a few times in my life and I have a couple of techniques that may help you.

Retell what happened to yourself in a silly voice , like a cartoon character. It sounds weird, but it can make the whole event seems less intense in your mind

Next time you see them, bring it up. Laugh at yourself and apologise for 'having an off day'. It may help you reclaim the situation.

WillowtreeHouse · 05/05/2023 19:34

I have embarrassed myself so often over the years my go to reaction now is - fuck it, it's done! Works for me.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 05/05/2023 19:38

Tbh, I think the receiving end of what you've said don't remember, or care about what you've said. Best thing you can do is forget about it and move on.

Lateliein · 05/05/2023 19:40

Channel Liam Gallagher who really does not give a fuck.

Original poster
wheresit · 05/05/2023 20:45

Thank you all! I will try the silly voice thing Grin

OP posts:
Garethkeenansstapler · 05/05/2023 20:47

You need to look to Phil from the hangover for wisdom:

‘I’ve done so many fucked up things, I just forget about them’

Remember everyone who knows about this embarrassing thing you did has had diarrhoea at some point

EatTheDamnCake · 05/05/2023 20:51

Just don't think or care about it. I really don't care anymore. There's enough actual stuff to worry about without panicking about that time I went to say hi and a weird squeaky voice came out 😂