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Original poster

Dreading seeing my ILs this weekend - any coping tips?

34 replies

ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 08:47

NC for this one.

I am seeing my DH's family this weekend - FIL, BIL x 2 plus 3DC (my nieces & nephews). It's a big birthday for FIL next week so we are celebrating on Coronation day at BIL's house - apparently we are not allowed to watch any of the event on TV.

I normally cope with these days as 1 BIL is married and me and SIL tend to drink wine and chat. She is really lovely.

Just discovered that my SIL won't be there on Saturday.

DH's family are just so miserable and so depressing. FIL is the worst, just brings a downer to everything. Very critical, believes in conspiracy theories, hasn't got a good word to say about anyone or anything, has no friends. The other BIL (who isn't married) is a carbon copy of his dad.
I think my DH is the most different to his family as he left at 18 and never went back.

I know my DC will want to watch a bit of the Coronation.

Other than smiling and nodding, any other tips for getting through this weekend?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/05/2023 08:51

Don’t go. SIL has the right idea, just spare yourself and the kids if you possibly can. Covid is still a thing, and the noro is doing the rounds.

Life is short, spend it being happy around nice people.

XBealtaine · 04/05/2023 08:52

Well, I'd say beforehand, we'll be watching a bit of the coronation! Piece of history, the children realist that and will want to watch some of it live.
If they try and order you not to, Id say, we'd better watch it here so! Have a lovely day!

I'm not invested in to the longevity of the monarchy but the coronation is happening and I'll catch a few minutes of it, seems a bit weird determined not to watch any!

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 04/05/2023 08:57

Some orange juice on a Covid swab is your friend here.

Or just decline. I'm long past the stage of being a people pleaser. I don't like my in laws and haven't visited for over 20 years. DH goes occasionally if there is a funeral or party.

Coffeeandbourbons · 04/05/2023 08:57

Just go for a few hours, and set a time to leave that you agree with DH and the children beforehand. Maybe even just 2 hours.

Establish a game in advance, how many conspiracy theories he brings up. Or all place a bet on what time he will first say something negative about the coronation. Stuff like that.

And finally, get DH to drive so you can have a drink.

JuneOsborne · 04/05/2023 08:59

God, why go? Your sil isn't...sounds like she's got the right idea! Or pop along, say hi, have a cuppa and get home to the telly!

LlynTegid · 04/05/2023 09:00

Decline or say you can come in the afternoon after the service is over.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 04/05/2023 09:00

Find somewhere else to watch the coronation, tell them that the children have to watch it for homework. Think some cinemas are screening it. Spend a long time watching it.

Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 09:07

So SIL is on a family holiday with her family - basically her mum has paid for her and her siblings to go on a cruise in North America! It's kind of her mum's last big holiday so she wanted to take her DC.

Funnily enough, her mum and FIL are celebrating the same age. FIL has more cash than her but won't spend any of it on doing fun stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 09:09

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 04/05/2023 08:57

Some orange juice on a Covid swab is your friend here.

Or just decline. I'm long past the stage of being a people pleaser. I don't like my in laws and haven't visited for over 20 years. DH goes occasionally if there is a funeral or party.

@NeverTrustAPoliceman

This is the relationship I wish I had TBH, however, I do quite like my BIL/SIL and their DC so not sure how we could just meet them and not the other as we tend to meet en masse.

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 04/05/2023 09:11

Vodka in a sprite bottle?

Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 09:12

BIL lives 2 hours away so, unfortunately, no popping in

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 09:13

Coffeeandbourbons · 04/05/2023 08:57

Just go for a few hours, and set a time to leave that you agree with DH and the children beforehand. Maybe even just 2 hours.

Establish a game in advance, how many conspiracy theories he brings up. Or all place a bet on what time he will first say something negative about the coronation. Stuff like that.

And finally, get DH to drive so you can have a drink.

@Coffeeandbourbons

I love the games idea - a bit like depression bingo!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/05/2023 09:40

Jokes aside, OP you don’t have to go. The DC don’t have to go. Nothing terrible will happen if you don’t. DH doesn’t sound that close to them, if he really wants to go he can do so by himself. Why does FIL’s idea of fun have to be imposed on anyone else? Why would you or DH prioritise what FIL wants over what you or your DC will enjoy?

Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 12:37

@AnneLovesGilbert I know what you mean.

Although I do think it would be more hassle not to attend.
My DC do like seeing their cousins.

I don't see the ILs that often as they are so bad at organising things and communicating to each other. SIL and I have our own WhatsApp group.

It's very telling that we see my family more often and SIL sees her family more often than our DHs see their family even though they are closer.

OP posts:
Premiumchange · 04/05/2023 12:41

I'd be going down with a migraine that morning and sending DH and the kids on their own.

DPotter · 04/05/2023 12:54

Take stuff for an alternative party - cake, fizz and an ipad/ tablet or 2. Set up in a seperate room so the kids (and you) can watch the Coronation. Let BIL know and if he kicks up a stink only go after the Coronation has finished so you go just for the afternoon.

Does your DH want to go ? How would he feel if you dropped out ? Maybe he's only going as he thinks you want to go.

As for meeting up with the BIL /SIL family with kids - well there's your reason - getting the kids together. The others don't even have to know. I regular met up with sister & cousins with our kids when they were small, leaving the grandparents & those with no / older kids out.

greyhairnomore · 04/05/2023 12:55

Just miss it this time , if you want to watch the coronation. It's not like they happen all the time.
Keep kids with you if they want to see it.
DH can go and see his dad

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 04/05/2023 13:02

Who books a party on a historical event day and bans attendees from watching any of said historical event? I bet if you booked a partying on an England in the World Cup Final day he would pipe up quite quickly. I would just go in the afternoon. The coronation main events start at 10.20, I think, so I would leave for the party mid afternoon.

Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 05/05/2023 07:33

On the plus side, I just asked DH if we were taking the dog - we aren't. This means we probably can't spend all that long there.

It takes at least an hour and a half to get there. So maybe 2 hours there and back home

On any event with DH's family they will always, and I mean ALWAYS, choose the most complicated, convoluted and awkward times, dates, activities, plans etc. It's like they are incapable of common sense. After nearly 20 years of this, I just silently despair.

OP posts:
makemineadoublee · 05/05/2023 07:46

Nah sod that I wouldn’t go

DH can go if he wants too

EndsandBegins · 05/05/2023 07:47

Say, sorry we want to watch the coronation and stay at home.

snitzelvoncrumb · 05/05/2023 07:49

Illness is your way out

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 05/05/2023 08:09

The only way I cope with any of these things is by having a dog who miraculously develops a requirement for 4 walks per day when we're around people who I find annoying!

Malarandras · 05/05/2023 08:11

Don’t go, life’s too short to put with nonsense like that!

crew2022 · 05/05/2023 08:16

Go for a short while and then say you have to leave as unwell or have a home emergency.
It's a shame not to celebrate his birthday whatever your views are he's your husbands father.
Take some stuff for the kids to do so they have a fun day with their cousins.
Drink a lot?