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Original poster

Dreading seeing my ILs this weekend - any coping tips?

34 replies

ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 04/05/2023 08:47

NC for this one.

I am seeing my DH's family this weekend - FIL, BIL x 2 plus 3DC (my nieces & nephews). It's a big birthday for FIL next week so we are celebrating on Coronation day at BIL's house - apparently we are not allowed to watch any of the event on TV.

I normally cope with these days as 1 BIL is married and me and SIL tend to drink wine and chat. She is really lovely.

Just discovered that my SIL won't be there on Saturday.

DH's family are just so miserable and so depressing. FIL is the worst, just brings a downer to everything. Very critical, believes in conspiracy theories, hasn't got a good word to say about anyone or anything, has no friends. The other BIL (who isn't married) is a carbon copy of his dad.
I think my DH is the most different to his family as he left at 18 and never went back.

I know my DC will want to watch a bit of the Coronation.

Other than smiling and nodding, any other tips for getting through this weekend?

OP posts:
JoJothesquirrel · 05/05/2023 08:20

ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 05/05/2023 07:33

On the plus side, I just asked DH if we were taking the dog - we aren't. This means we probably can't spend all that long there.

It takes at least an hour and a half to get there. So maybe 2 hours there and back home

On any event with DH's family they will always, and I mean ALWAYS, choose the most complicated, convoluted and awkward times, dates, activities, plans etc. It's like they are incapable of common sense. After nearly 20 years of this, I just silently despair.

This sounds like my inlaws, you’re either spending hours in the middle of the day at someone’s house but no food materialises or your in a bloody restaurant at 3 o’clock or on a rocky outcrop with 3 infants and a 90 year old.

you have my sympathy, especially when it’s almost like the plan to make the least fun possible.

I hope your dog doesn’t have a runny tummy that will require only staying for a bit.

Chatillon · 05/05/2023 08:26

Just stay in California OP.

AtChoService · 05/05/2023 08:34

Is that a temperature you and the kids are developing there, op?

Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 05/05/2023 10:25

JoJothesquirrel · 05/05/2023 08:20

This sounds like my inlaws, you’re either spending hours in the middle of the day at someone’s house but no food materialises or your in a bloody restaurant at 3 o’clock or on a rocky outcrop with 3 infants and a 90 year old.

you have my sympathy, especially when it’s almost like the plan to make the least fun possible.

I hope your dog doesn’t have a runny tummy that will require only staying for a bit.

Show quote history

@JoJothesquirrel

This is exactly it!!!

I feel you and I could spend hours drinking wine and regaling tales of absolute idiocy of how NOT to organise a family gathering.

I wish I could tell you of the last shit show but it's far too outing.

OP posts:
JoJothesquirrel · 05/05/2023 11:00

@ChangingMyNameForThis1 probably. I genuinely had to think if there was any family events on before I posted in case I’m the SIL who isn’t coming.

heartening to know there’s someone else out there in the same position.

FartSock5000 · 05/05/2023 11:15

@ChangingMyNameForThis1 you don't have to go.

Send DH and the kids. You know your FIL won't care if you go or not.

Stay home and have a day to yourself. How many of your own family events has DH missed? I bet if you think on it, he's missed a few birthdays or lunches.

You don't have to please anyone but yourself. Stay home, enjoy a day with just the dog and let your DH and the kids fuss over the old fart.

NameGameChange · 05/05/2023 11:15

Premiumchange · 04/05/2023 12:41

I'd be going down with a migraine that morning and sending DH and the kids on their own.

This!!!

Motnight · 05/05/2023 11:23

ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 05/05/2023 10:25

@JoJothesquirrel

This is exactly it!!!

I feel you and I could spend hours drinking wine and regaling tales of absolute idiocy of how NOT to organise a family gathering.

I wish I could tell you of the last shit show but it's far too outing.

Show quote history

Stop playing the game and the shit show will stop (for you at least). Don't go, tell your dh to send your apologies and go low contact. I did similar many years ago and the relief was instant.

Original poster
ChangingMyNameForThis1 · 05/05/2023 11:31

To everyone who says 'Don't go!' - I hear you, however, I do love my DH and I know it would hurt him dreadfully if I didn't go. We also don't see them all that often.................................... and it is a big birthday.

He knows his family are hard work (I kind of think he's using the dog as a get out plan as well although he would never admit it).
I do like seeing SIL, BIL and their DC.

I am coming here to vent and gain coping strategies - drinking and depression bingo seem to be winning so far.

I also might deploy some well known Royal conversation starters e.g. the Duke of Edinburgh used to ask 'What's keeping you busy these days?'

OP posts:
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