Private school vs state school..not as academic as expected?

[Checkthisone]

Sorry, long post.

DD (5) in Reception has joined a prep school in April. Before then she was going to our local state school.

She is a very happy, easy going child usually and adapts really well to new environments. She couldn't wait to start her state school back in Sept however her confidence started slipping after only a few weeks to the point where she started saying she didn't want to go. This went on for a few months that were really excruciating. We felt like we were losing out otherwise bubbly happy bright child (lots of things happened in that time: being hit and spat on by other kids, shouty put-downy teachers, she stopped engaging in the classroom, always angry at home etc). She hated anything to do with reading or maths, although she was learning and progressing.

Hence, in Jan she had a taster day at her current private school. She loved it. The facilities are amazing, small classrooms, very few behaviour problems. She came home really happy. Ever since then (I'm thinking perhaps she felt like there is an escape from her current school), she started engaging more, confidence went up, became happier and became one of the top readers in her class.

When she left her state school at the end of March the teacher said she was ahead of expectations with her reading and I am aware that the state school was really pushing with the phonics. Every day she'd come with new tricky words, digraphas, longer words and I felt she was like a sponge, really absorbed everything.

Back in Jan at the taster day the private prep mentioned that her writing wasn't quite up to the level of the other girls in the class so she'll need catching up, reading was just OK, making us feel like she was behind and needed a lot of extra support. Obviously she made a lot of progress in the meantime and really loves reading and wants more.

She started her new school just over 2 weeks ago and dissapontingly she has not learned any new words or tricky words or anything to push her up. The books she is given home to read (4 a week) are way below her level, she flies through them in 30 secs. Yesterday she didn't want to to read it, choosing to read a higher level one from the ones we have at home. I've spoken to her teacher last week and said DD finds them quite easy, but I said it's ok for now, good to consolidate the basics. However yesterday she came with an even easier one. I'm feeling really disappointed for DD who is ready for more and feels like she is not learning.

I'm also very surprised to learn that they do a lot less than the state school at phonics?! Of course, they have a broader curriculum (drama, music, sports, French) but can't quite understand why they don't push a little harder with reading at the point. It's meant to be a very academic school. (At the taster day DD told me they were teaching the digraphs that she learned at the state school 2 weeks before).

Can anyone relate to this or has any advice? I'm taking all our books out again and teaching DD further phonics despite paying so much for the private school and I feel a little deflated. DD is very happy there to be fair, feels valued, no shouty teachers and everyone is kind and respectful. Plus she likes the structure and variety of activities so we won't be considering a state school again.

My opinion of the teachers in the state school are also based on other parents/kids experiences. Another parent is moving her child to a prep school from Y1 and another one in Y3. Plus when we left, 2 other kids in her class left at the same time. The put downs came from time to time from her main teacher and I could see DD's confidence slipping a few weeks after starting school. She hated it in the first term and was coming home angry and frustrated. I went with my gut.

@CurlewKate She is back to her old happy, bubbly self now (of course early days) but she is saying the teachers in her prep school are a lot nicer and they don't shout!

Thank you everyone for your advice/comments. Very helpful.

I'll ask MN to remove this thread now as it is a bit outing.

Really?

It can take a while to settle into school.

My kids are in state school. The reading books in YR were way too easy for my son so we just had our own books at home. There was no point in making him read Peter and Jane (or whatever the modern equivalent is 🤣) when he was into Roald Dahl.

Fee-paying schools aren’t necessarily academically better.

'Is there a reason you were expecting the school to be more intellectually rigorous?'

For a FIVE year old. We really do have education all wrong in the UK...

My dc1 had a reception teacher who was totally unsmiling. Stone faced. I thought being smiley was practically the most basic and important characteristic for a reception teacher!! Fled that school and have never seen an unsmily early years teacher since. Sometimes people ARE just unlucky!!

Yes, I do come from that kind of culture, so I'm trying to make sense of the UK educational system.

Thank you for your advice.

That was exactly DD's class teacher, totally stone faced.

Not all private schools are particularly academic, just because you have to pay for them.

That said, a good school will know that 5 year olds need more than maths and phonics and they will be focussing on the things that are really important - like exploring the natural world and physical play and social skills and confidence building, etc.

I also have a 5 year old in reception (and an older one about to start secondary, so been there done that) and your posts seriously stress me out. Honestly, I have no idea what my 5 year old is doing in school or what reading level he's at or where he is in relation to others in the class. It really doesn't matter at this age - I say this as someone with a PhD and a background in education. I often don't do any of the homework sent home with him. I'd rather he's outside playing in mud.

I went to private school my whole life. Towards the latter end of primary school age, it got much more hot-housey, but at 4-7, we spent loads of time outside. We did yoga. We planted flowers, collected bugs, played in the river with nets, etc. We did do phonics (or the equivalent in the 80s) and maths and science, but it was very relaxed. We didn't even have desks/tables, we sat on the floor or in bean bag chairs, etc.

I would trust the school to know what's best for her at this stage. It's only been 2 weeks. Poor thing has had a huge change and I would assume lost all of her old friends. She's still adjusting and they're still getting to know her and what she needs. I'd re-visit early in Y1 and just let her settle for now.