The (very) late 30's last chance for a baby urge. How to ignore?

[Negroniplease]

Hi,

So I'll be 40 next year and by that point I'll have a 17 year old. They're my only child, but I always assumed I'd have more. For various reasons, it didn't happen.

Dp and I have been considering going for it for the past 5 or so years, but last year decided to just enjoy life as we are and the freedom I suppose.

However, I think my last chance for a baby hormones are currently going wild and the ache for a baby is insane! Everywhere we go, there seem to be so many more babies and toddlers dotted about and I swear I can hear my ovaries exploding! It's getting to the point, where I'm trying not to look at them, as I'm constantly gushing and commenting to dp how sweet they are. I don't want to be one of those 😬 Thing is, I can't exactly go cold turkey. They're everywhere and always will be!

If you can relate to this, how did you get through it? I don't want to regret this, but it's very much a head over heart decision.

How do I stay logical?

I had my last at 40. It was the best decision ever!

Any chance of actually looking after a baby or young toddler for 48 hours or so? That oughtta do it.

Had my first at 39. Ended up with four of the little sods!

I do think this is quite common. I know I will not have any more for very sensible reasons but at 41, I keep getting 'last chance alerts' from my ovaries! When I feel this way I force myself to list the reasons another isn't a good idea. I then also remind myself how tired I am most of the time and how another child would not help, and then finally (to squash any remaining feelings) I remind myself that I might have twins if I tried again. That usually does the trick... until the next pang comes and then I have to do it all again!

@njshep I'm very happy for you, but noooooo 😂

@TheNachtzehrer haha well actually I do. I have young nephews and friends with babies and toddlers that I often look after. Still broody 😳

@TheInterceptor congratulations 😊 Can I asked how old you were when you had your last?

@Aria2015 wise words.

What?! Absolutely none of them are colicky or wilful?! Tough luck 😁

@TheNachtzehrer yep, all of that. Remember I'm thinking with my ovaries, not with my logical brain.

PS. I'm your age but with younger DC and tbh, the farther I get from nappies and buggies and broken nights and cripplingly expensive childcare the less I have any desire to go back, but I'm guessing you are well into rose-tinted-glasses can't-actually-remember-the-brutal-reality by now. On the bright side: it will definitely pass in time when you go menopausal!

Mid 40’s peri menopause kicked in for me. Imaging having that to contend with, and a child starting in primary school. Along with the older child who might become a parent at any time.

My DD is 10 and I've gotten the urge , I go and hold my friends baby she has a DD similar age to mine so same age gap. I've decided it's a no go her life seems so stressful compared to mine. I'm very happy have loads of money to do what I want and much more free time. I couldn't go back to devoting myself to DC 24/7 also early years mum often takes the load and its not for me.

I had my second at 40 with a big age gap too! Don’t regret it at all!

I’m 40 and had my last at 38. I wouldn’t change her for the world, but here’s the reality of babies and toddlers away from the broody haze:

I feel so much more tired parenting a toddler than I did with DD1 at 34. I spend £14k a year on nursery, she’s frequently off sick which affects mine and DH’s work. she’s a bad napper so often we have to spend 12-2 at home on weekends, or accept that she’ll be cranky all day. Last weekend we had a long journey and she vomited all over the car multiple times. She’s relentless, the cleaning/tidying is constant, and it’s only the knowledge that it gets a bit easier when they start school that keeps me going.

You have a nice life! You and DH are young enough that you can enjoy this time, this is just a hormonal last hurrah. Stick with what you’ve got, and enjoy every minute of it.

I had mine at 39 and 40. It's a great age to have young kids. It keeps you young. Sounds like a cliche but in your mid-fifties you know all the latest music, fashion, slang, tech software, apps etc. I've loved having DC late in life.

I gave into the urge.

I spent my 40th birthday three months pregnant with my head permanently down the loo.

My eldest was 18, middle child was 6.

I’m fucking exhausted. It’s so much harder now than when I was in my 20s and 30s.

But she is 2 and a half and one of those toddlers that you would describe as “spirited”. Honestly, she was sent to try me. If she was like my other two, i’d be okay.

However you ignore it, just make sure you do. I never and ended up with two in my early 40s and fuck do I regret it now at 50.

Late 40s and 50 is such a fabulous time to start a new phase of life. Lots of your peers will be doing this Do not fuck it over by giving your life over to child rearing!

you we’re so sensible having kids young and getting rid of them early. Don’t mess up now!

I’m exhausted. I’m frustrated. I feel so held back on all the things I actually want to do with my life. Don’t be me!

And I wish someone had told me that your fucking hormones give you that urge in your late 40s. I had no idea that it was a ‘thing’ that most women gave and that it would pass! Maybe I’d have had the sense the bloody ignore it if I had!

I had my last dd at 40, no regrets at all. I couldn’t imagine life without her, and I absolutely know I did the right thumb following that instinct. Make your decision, yes, but don’t live to wonder what might have been.

Right thumb ?
right thing …😂

I’m in mid forties, all three DC in Uni or beyond.
I get lie-ins, time to potter, we can be spontaneous and go out for dinner for no reason.
we’re planning really exciting trips and might move house etc.
my suggestion - watch Race Across the World, get some travel books, and plan the adventures you can have with all the money and energy you will save not having another child!

Yeah you need to advertise for someone with a high needs baby to rent it out to you for a week!

The other thing I think you have to consider is the state of the world. What’s this child’s future going to be like if the world keeps deteriorating the way it is? Do you want to bring a child in to that? Given my time again not a chance I’d do it. I’m 39 and I can’t think of anything worse!

Get a puppy or kitten instead that's what id do

Had my babies at 39, 40, 43 and 46. All naturally, all healthy. I'm indescribably lucky.

... then I got a puppy, just because life wasn't hectic enough

Start researching a really great holiday that you couldn't take kids on. Somewhere you've always to go to. Then picture yourself there. With a 17 year old this is within reach. If you have another baby now you'll have to wait another 17 years for it.