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Original poster

I hate my job so much I feel sick at the thought of going in tomorrow morning

35 replies

GSDx3 · 01/05/2023 23:46

As per title really.

My boss is rude, speaks to me like absolute shite over the most ridiculous things and I hate it. Laying in bed crying and can’t sleep about the thought of going in. But I know if I quit I’ll get guilt tripping, disappointed noises and it’ll be so awkward in terms of references. This isn’t just Sunday night (I know it’s Monday but!) feelings is it

OP posts:
Babyandmexox · 01/05/2023 23:48

Why does your boss speak to you like shite? What work sector are you in? Could you take some sick leave? Have a think about things and maybe apply for other jobs?

Casba · 01/05/2023 23:49

Maybe start looking actively for something else. Having an escape plan can help a bit. Sounds horrible though.

Original poster
GSDx3 · 01/05/2023 23:52

No I can’t really. I work in agriculture. There’s only 3 of us so no HR, just me the boss and another staff, more junior than I.

I’ve been looking but this boss has made me feel so useless and completely eroded my confidence that I can even do this job or anything similar.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 01/05/2023 23:53

Stand up for yourself- Can't you contact a higher up HR manager? You need to keep a record of work place bullying and report it.

Original poster
GSDx3 · 01/05/2023 23:54

Examples being after a delivery came and I put it away.

”why on earth would you leave that there, it’s just not logical. Don’t try and explain why actually, you’re defending your actions rather than learning from your mistakes.”

it doenst even sound bad but it’s so many little things all the time and the way he says them

OP posts:
Circumferences · 01/05/2023 23:56

Oh sorry just saw your update.
Don't worry about references, it's a legal obligation and they can't slag you off in a reference.

WomanFromTheNorth · 01/05/2023 23:57

Honestly, life is too short to tolerate rude, abusive people. Start looking for another job.

Original poster
GSDx3 · 01/05/2023 23:59

Or

”what will it take you for you to understand/why can’t you follow a simple instructions”

but the instructions are never simple, they change all the time, I feel nervous asking him for clarification because it gets my head bitten off and told to use initiative.

I’m not usually so weak I just feel pathetic

OP posts:
Babyandmexox · 02/05/2023 00:10

I honestly would loose my shit, I’ve been in the same position in a couple of jobs and to be honest you need to just speak up for yourself it’s either make or break you can’t be fired for saying something back just keep calm and be mindful.. And honestly look for something else.. it’s draining for your mental health.

Mrstwiddle · 02/05/2023 00:30

Start looking for a new job now. This will not improve. You will feel such a weight of your shoulders when you leave. It's your boss whose the problem, not you.

stayathomer · 02/05/2023 02:35

Another saying life is too short. Who will guilt trip you? Start job hunting and try to just get through this one day at a time until then if you can’t leave straight away x

Jemandthehologramsunite · 02/05/2023 02:40

That sounds horrible, and pointless to stay because I doubt anything will improve with your boss. What's your plan for leaving? You're better to have a job lined up rather than just quit but if it's making you feel ill then you should just leave, have a small break, get back in a good headspace and then start something new. I've been in that position (twice!). What's your plan? Maybe give yourself until the end of July so there's light at the end of the tunnel, and if you haven't found anything then just leave. Don't waste time in bed crying, get looking for another job! Good luck!

Hortia · 02/05/2023 02:50

Omg op I'm sorry for piggy backing on your thread but I am having the exact same thoughts. I am just in such despair about my job. In a recent meeting with my line manager she shared a document with me concerning a question I'd asked on a teams chat. It said I'd 'clearly made no effort ' to figure out the question myself and that I 'just wanted other people to do my work for me '. She has been doing similar for months, I feel like I'm going crazy with doubting myself about this. I can't even do anything about it because I've not been there two years, but every day I go into work and feel like I get fucked up the arse while having to make excuses for myself, it is the most horrible experience I've ever had.

Hortia · 02/05/2023 02:54

And I am also feeling sick at the thought of going into work tomorrow. I honestly can't face it. I feel like such a fuckup and I hate myself. It's poisoning every area of my life.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 02/05/2023 02:57

Also, it's better to leave asap as it erodes your self confidence and then it's harder to bounce back. So you need a plan, that way you know "I'm only here for x more days" because I need the money to oay my rent or whatever. Then the focus shifts to why you are there and your escape!

PBandJs · 02/05/2023 03:17

OP and @Hortia

please, take it from someone who hit absolute rock bottom because my confidence was just non-existent after a year of this, GET OUT!!!

It is so insidious and really isn’t worth the damage it can do. I questioned and doubted myself daily - was it my fault, could I do better? I took each comment to heart and it got to the point I almost hated myself and felt like I was constantly failing becaude I couldn’t live up to the unreasonable standards or meet the ever-changing goalposts.

The effect on my mental health was immeasurable and despite everyone telling me to leave I was too worried to, until my mind & body forced me and I wish I had been able to listen earlier.

you are worth SO much more than this.

123rainbow · 02/05/2023 03:41

Sometimes when you stand up to bullies they will show you more respect. Could you try asking to meet up with him to discuss your feelings? What about going above him, does he have a manager? Try being assertive Using 'I feel" statements means they can't argue with your feelings that you take ownership for. For eg, "I feel really upset when you speak to me like that way, it makes me feel anxious and unwell, therefore, can you please stop shouting/ being rude to me please?".

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 02/05/2023 04:10

Many farmers have not worked in the corporate world and therefore my advice to you would be to get out as soon as you can, it won’t change. The boss probably has mental health issues of their own.

Amore2023 · 02/05/2023 05:55

How long have you been there, op? Do you like the actual work itself at all? Any possibility the boss will leave? I understand it’s a small place but is there high staff turnover in general in the past? If boss is like that, I am assuming there is. I would get an exit plan in place as PPs have said but before you do, could you speak to boss? It must very well be a waste of time as he/she doesn’t sound like a good manager and from what you have said needs to work on their leadership skills!!! But worth a try and then you can leave knowing you tried - you are unhappy when I do x, could we have a meeting/talk about my performance at work? Get him/her to go through what you do well, average, can improve on according to boss (we use traffic light system). Ask for it all in writing and then at end, say, ‘when you speak to me like this, I feel…’ and see if it improves. If it doesn’t, look tir another job and leave with your head high. 💐

ShowUs · 02/05/2023 06:26

You spend more time in work than you do at home with your family.

Its essential you are happy there.

When you come back tonight then apply for anything else it doesn’t have to be the same position as you can look for one once you’ve got a new job.

Put down other references or click that you don’t want them to be contacted prior to interview.

No one should be treated this way.

GiltEdges · 02/05/2023 06:48

Circumferences · 01/05/2023 23:56

Oh sorry just saw your update.
Don't worry about references, it's a legal obligation and they can't slag you off in a reference.

Providing a reference is not a legal obligation, nor is it strictly true that they can't say anything negative, provided they believe it to be a fair and accurate reflection.

MintJulia · 02/05/2023 06:58

Mrstwiddle · 02/05/2023 00:30

Start looking for a new job now. This will not improve. You will feel such a weight of your shoulders when you leave. It's your boss whose the problem, not you.

This. I've had a successful career for 30 years yet I had 6 months with a vicious bully for a boss and it made me ill.

You need to leave for your own long term well-being.

Helpfully, lots of job interviews are online since covid, so easier to organise discretely. Good luck.

sandgrown · 02/05/2023 07:09

@Hortia you don’t need to be there two years to report bullying which it sounds like . Can you contact HR or a senior manager? OP I think agriculture is still
male dominated . Does your manager resent you being a female ? You need to call him out about the way he speaks to you but you should look for another job as well .

Truestorypeeps · 02/05/2023 07:20

I had a toxic co-worker in my last job. Utter cow. I think it comes from some people's own feelings of inadequacy.

100% you cannot stay. I would be tempted to go to the doctors and get signed off for stress or something and spend the two weeks job hunting. F that place and that prick. Is he the owner? If not, I'd try and contact them about his behaviour. They might have a high turnover of staff and not understand what he's like.

MrsMikeDrop · 02/05/2023 07:23

I really don't understand why you can't go on holiday somewhere where everyone will enjoy it