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Original poster

Leaving 15 dd overnight

64 replies

HowdoIgetbacktothe80s · 01/05/2023 13:40

Sorry the title is a bit misleading as I’m not leaving her on her own but just wondering if it’s a bit off to do so?
Dh and I have just purchased a touring caravan.
We have a rescue dog who is very nervous with new situations so we are slowly introducing him to the caravan and dh is having the occasional night sleeping in there with the dog (at the bottom of our garden) to get him used to it.
We want to start by having an odd Saturday night away, just half an hour or so away to get him used to being somewhere different before we have longer trips away.
The problem is that dd (15 next week) doesn’t want to come with us for these one nighters. She wants to stay at home with her 2 friends (they are all joining us on longer trips away and are looking forward to it).
It does say online not to leave under 16 year olds overnight. They won’t be completely alone though as 17 (nearly 18) year old ds still lives at home but he is always out and about and often stays round friends at the weekends, at last minutes notice, although if I asked him to stay at home overnight with them I’m sure he would (although I can’t 100% rely on him to do so!).
My sister and her partner live just around the corner from us so would also be a point of contact and my parents although elderly also live in the same village (mum has dementia so I can’t except dad to help too much but they are there just incase). So, I can rest assured there are people around should dd need anyone but it still leaves me a bit nervous. Dd is more than happy to stay at home with her friends (and there parents are fine with it) and she is a sensible girl.
Would you leave your 15 year old overnight in this situation, with family at hand?

OP posts:
Original poster
HowdoIgetbacktothe80s · 01/05/2023 13:42

their parents!

OP posts:
JJJSchmidt · 01/05/2023 13:43

No, I wouldn't, especially as she is a very young 15, and that there are friends in the mix. I think this could encourage them to invite others and this could quickly get out if hand, either from a party perspective, or teens in their friendship group thinking that your house is adult free for the weekend and would be a good place for sex.

Haleluljaa · 01/05/2023 13:50

Definitely yes!

I would leave mine for two nights at a time at weekends with one of her best friends staying and the other parents keeping an eye and being available to call on if need be.

Fully trust that the friends staying with your DD are trustworthy etc and not going to invite others. And with all that extra family support nearby, plus potentially an older brother around, I wouldn’t worry at all.

Sounds like a great plan! 😊

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15 year olds Families
Haleluljaa · 01/05/2023 13:53

PS: My DD and her friend / friends would always have a great time having the house to themselves at the weekend, and it was another small step to teaching them being independent, having to make choices and taking on new responsibilities 😀

Stripycatz · 01/05/2023 13:53

Yes, but I would say just 1 friend and your sister pops in unannounced at some point.

2bazookas · 01/05/2023 14:17

I'd let her have ONE very sensible friend to stay over, as a trial run .

If I was the VSF's parents I probably would not wish your teenage son or his pals to be there.

Oopswediditagain2023 · 01/05/2023 14:25

Yes, my parents used to leave me for the weekend at that age but I was very trustworthy and wouldn't have had a party etc! I was also happy to be left and not nervous etc

Original poster
HowdoIgetbacktothe80s · 01/05/2023 15:59

Thanks everyone. Just to clarify that ds won’t be having friends stay, it’s just dd. We will try it for one night in the next few weeks, just a few miles away and see how it’s goes.

OP posts:
GreenClock · 01/05/2023 16:08

Definitely. Make it clear that your sister may be popping round, and that your son has permission to tell anyone who shouldn’t be there to get lost if they turn up uninvited. I’d also say that if there are glitches she won’t be trusted again for quite some time - she will have an incentive to make it go smoothly, then.

I wouldn't tell her to invite just one of the two friends. That would be a bit cruel towards the one who’s left out and might cause issues amongst the trio.

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:09

No chance. You would be naive to think that she will not have friends around with her and of course this could get out of hand. You would not know where she is. She could go out and you would not know she was out or who she was with. Ask yourself whether it would be OK for her to be left without supervision at school in the day? The answer would be no. It isn't OK for her to be left alone without supervision at night. She needs to stay with relatives or come with you.

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:11

If a student told me they were alone overnight at this age, it would be a safeguarding cause for concern tbh.

mycatsanutter · 01/05/2023 16:11

You have said she is sensible so yes I would .

Restlessinthenorth · 01/05/2023 16:20

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:11

If a student told me they were alone overnight at this age, it would be a safeguarding cause for concern tbh.

A 15 year old home alone, properly risk assessed by parents with support in place if needed, is absolutely not a safeguarding issue. You would be laughed out of town if you tried refer on the circumstances described here. Are you aware that some 16 year olds move out and live completely alone, full time?!

DelphiniumBlue · 01/05/2023 16:26

JJJSchmidt · 01/05/2023 13:43

No, I wouldn't, especially as she is a very young 15, and that there are friends in the mix. I think this could encourage them to invite others and this could quickly get out if hand, either from a party perspective, or teens in their friendship group thinking that your house is adult free for the weekend and would be a good place for sex.

I was just about to say the same, don't leave them overnight unless you want your home to be party central!
News of adult-free houses travels fast.

Original poster
HowdoIgetbacktothe80s · 01/05/2023 16:27

GreenClock I would definitely get my sister to pop in from time to time and I’ll phone dd periodically. We WhatsApp all the time as well.
cansu A safeguarding issue, really? With an auntie literally 3 mins walk away, an almost 18 year old brother at hand, parents just half hour drive away and grandparents around the corner? I’m not suggesting that I am leaving a 10 year old on her own in the middle of nowhere with no one around. My dd is the most trustworthy person I know, I would trust her with my life. Not all teens are reckless. Her friend’s are very sensible too.

OP posts:
Original poster
HowdoIgetbacktothe80s · 01/05/2023 16:32

My dd would absolutely not allow people in for a party, she just isn’t that type and my ds will be about. I’m on good terms with our neighbours too, so they would inform
me of anything untoward but it won’t happen because of ds and dsis about.

OP posts:
Original poster
HowdoIgetbacktothe80s · 01/05/2023 16:34

Obviously I won’t leave her if it’s a genuine safeguarding issue.

OP posts:
cansu · 01/05/2023 16:38

Put it this way - would you be happy telling your child's school that you leave her alone with her friends overnight while you take a trip in the caravan? She has an auntie she can call. If you think this is fine and you would have no worries telling anyone this - then fine.

Teenagers make bad decisions. Just read the teenagers board on here. Even nice, previously sensible teens who are doing well at school make mistakes and do stupid things. What stops the stupid things becoming disasters is a mum or dad checking you come home when you say you will and preventing you from inviting other kids home to have drinks and piss about. Why can't she stay over at her aunties?

JE17 · 01/05/2023 16:39

It sounds fine to me. At that age I stayed home alone overnight. I was a sensible teen and was more than happy to get the TV and snacks to myself. I wouldn't have dreamt of having a party although often a friend would stay over with me for company.

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:39

You also said that ds may well go out and do his own thing previously so he is not exactly in loco parentis.

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:41

Just seen that she is not 15 and nearly 16 but is 14 - 15 next week. Honestly she is too young.

saveforthat · 01/05/2023 16:41

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:09

No chance. You would be naive to think that she will not have friends around with her and of course this could get out of hand. You would not know where she is. She could go out and you would not know she was out or who she was with. Ask yourself whether it would be OK for her to be left without supervision at school in the day? The answer would be no. It isn't OK for her to be left alone without supervision at night. She needs to stay with relatives or come with you.

Don't be ridiculous. She is 15 not 5.

Tessisme · 01/05/2023 16:44

cansu A safeguarding issue, really? With an auntie literally 3 mins walk away, an almost 18 year old brother at hand, parents just half hour drive away and grandparents around the corner? I’m not suggesting that I am leaving a 10 year old on her own in the middle of nowhere with no one around. My dd is the most trustworthy person I know, I would trust her with my life. Not all teens are reckless. Her friend’s are very sensible too.

I reckon you've answered your own question there😅 Your DD sounds very sensible and, as you say, there are family members nearby in an emergency. It very much depends on the child. I was left for the odd night at that age and enjoyed the feeling of independence and wanted to be trusted so they would leave me alone again! My eldest is roughly the same age though and, while he's a lovely, gentle boy, he's also a bit of a people pleaser and his friends would be straight round and they would having idiotic competitions involving various household objects.

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:46

NSPCC says children under 16 should not be left alone overnight.

MerryMarigold · 01/05/2023 16:50

cansu · 01/05/2023 16:46

NSPCC says children under 16 should not be left alone overnight.

I did not know this. I left my 2 14 year olds overnight alone with Ds1 who is 17. They are all pretty sensible. We have lots of good friends locally including our direct neighbors. No one came over.