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Original poster

I like to wear black - wish people wouldn't comment on it!

50 replies

longcurtains · 01/05/2023 09:11

I'm currently trying to lose weight. I'm not feeling confident about my body and I feel more comfortable in wearing darker colours - black, navy, dark grey. For some reason, people seem to think it's ok to make comments about it and I don't understand why this is ok.

For example, I recently went to an event and was wearing a black dress with a light-coloured coat. Someone who I see regularly through a hobby but who is more of an acquaintance than a friend walks up and says 'nice to see you in something other than black'. I smiled and said 'yeah' but inside I was like 'urgh, really?'

In his mind maybe that was a compliment but it's not the first time people have made comments like that. I've had people say 'oh you should wear red...you wear a lot of black' or 'your wardrobe has a lot of black in it'. I honestly can't imagine thinking it's ok to offer a critique on what someone else is wearing. For example if a person didn't like my dress, they'd presumably never come up and say 'you should wear something else'. But for some reason when it comes to black, some people feel like it's ok to bring it up?

Obviously I'm being over-sensitive (I know this, so no need to tell me!!) because my real reason for wearing black all the time is discomfort with my (current) extra weight. But even if it wasnt, what's wrong with wearing black all the time if that's what I want to do? I don't understand why it's ok to make comments about it. Hhmmm!

OP posts:
JustToBeMe · 01/05/2023 09:18

I get you.

Black is my go to, I also carry a little excess weight, and feel more comfortable in black and darker colours.

I also get people commenting when I wear lighter colours,
I 🙄 to myself..
I wouldn't even dream about commenting on how another person dresses, unless I love the outfit/colour etc or where they brought it from, then go and see if I can get it in black Smile

tinselvestsparklepants · 01/05/2023 09:31

It's really annoying. And it's none of their business. BUT ...sounds as if they like you? They are saying they'd like to see you wear something brighter? I think you should take it as a skewed compliment.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 01/05/2023 09:40

Does black actually suit you? If so, crack on.

I'm aware that for some of my friends wearing black a lot isn't a style statement, it's a reflection of their state of mind.

Also black is sometimes just laziness/default option.

Interested in this thread?

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Clothing
DucksNewburyport · 01/05/2023 09:49

I agree with you OP! But there's nothing to do except smile and nod.

WGACA · 01/05/2023 10:08

I wear loads of black too. There’s a Suzanne Vega song about this when her daughter asked her why she always wears black!

SunnySaturdayMorning · 01/05/2023 10:17

I would never say anything but I do think it’s very miserable to just wear dark colours all the time.

It’s like Claudia Winkleman. I always think she’s so drab because she only ever wears black 🤷‍♀️

rewilded · 01/05/2023 10:20

It is depressing for other people to have to look at though. Imagine if everyone wore black? It would be like the whole world in mourning.

DiddyHeck · 01/05/2023 10:24

I couldn't get fussed about it really OP.

It's just general chitchat about something of your choosing.

KnitOnePurl · 01/05/2023 10:26

I always wear joggers (I don't go to work, I'm often gardening and they're comfy) but if I wear a dress I get so many comments "oh you have got legs then!"

it is infuriating!

updin · 01/05/2023 10:31

It is depressing for other people to have to look at though.

😂 it depresses you seeing people in black?! That's your issue, not anyone else's!

I'm not sure I'd even notice if everyone in a room was wearing black or if one person wore black all the time, why would I?

tsmainsqueeze · 01/05/2023 10:34

Nobody's business but your's , i like to see colour and patterns on others but hate wishy washy pastels and can't bear wearing patterns myself as it makes me feel 'dominated ' by the pattern - i know how mad that sounds !
I just like black clothes , i do have bright hair and always wear eye makeup and glossy lips .
If anyone thinks i'm drab - not my problem.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 01/05/2023 10:52

Hmm. To be honest I think they comment bc usually it's not an offensive thing to comment on.

You've linked your wearing black with your weight and self consciousness. They likely haven't even thought about this and just think you like black. So they make small talk about it which they don't think has any impact but you see it as an insult that touches on your issues with weight which is why it upsets you.

I don't think they're in the wrong but I do see why it upsets you.

AssertiveGertrude · 01/05/2023 10:55

I mostly wear black 😆 I have had people comment as most of my clothes are similar but I’m slowly adding colour

i think black is smart, brings you anywhere (except hot sunny places but we live in a rainy dull area of the world)

frozendaisy · 01/05/2023 10:57

Goth is all back the "Wednesday" effect
Try and not let it bother you

TreesAtSea · 01/05/2023 10:58

I've had similar comments over the years and they annoy me too.

I wore various colours when I was growing up and as a young adult, but then a lot of black in my 30s (I'm mid 50s now) and at that time genuinely only liked very neutral colours. I then went off it a bit but have seldom liked bright colours (except a red phase I went through!) or patterns, either on myself or anyone else.

But I'd never dream of commenting on what someone was wearing unless it was to compliment them. The comment I dislike most is that I'm "scared of colour"....er, no, I just don't like it.
I'm veering towards more black again now as I've recently grown out my grey hair and black now looks good again. I love charcoal grey too. Dark colours have always suited me more because of my eye colour and skin tone.

So I fully expect the comments to start again. I don't agree that they're actually compliments, as what people are actually saying is that they think you should dress more as they do, instead of just accepting that you're capable of choosing for yourself.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 01/05/2023 10:58

Why do people feel they have a right to comment on your appearance? I wear black quite a lot. Less than years ago but there is still a lot in my wardrobe.

Whatever the reason for why you wear black, it really isn’t anyone else’s business.

I don’t actually know what to say, OP, other than I understand the frustration.

EversoDisorganised · 01/05/2023 11:01

Have you considered that all black might just not really suit you? I can wear it on my lower half but if I wear it on my top half, unless I really make an effort with hair, make-up jewellery, it sort of drags me down. I realised a few months ago that I had drifted into only wearing these colours (I am significantly overweight too) and although no one ever said anything, it was affecting my confidence. I bought some really bright casual jumpers and have had SO many compliments since. I feel better in myself than I did in black and grey.

BMW6 · 01/05/2023 11:03

I've been wearing predominantly black for over 40 years.

Remember the fad for getting your "colours done" back in the 80's? My sister persuaded me to go to one as she wished I'd wear colours. Guess what colour really suited me? 😁

Take no heed. "The dogs bark but the caravan moves on"

Whochangedmynamec · 01/05/2023 11:10

Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. I remember looking around on my high street in winter - almost everyone was wearing black and the rest were wearing navy blue or grey. Darker colours hide stains are slimming and easier to wear. Brighter colours draw the eye so you get looked at more and noticed. You are just trying to be invisible

WandaWonder · 01/05/2023 11:13

I wear black all the time no one had ever commented, there is no hidden secret reason saves me thinking what to wear really

DrFoxtrot · 01/05/2023 11:19

I really suit black and wear it frequently. I've had similar comments OP.

For those who have made comments to others along these lines, why do you feel the need to say it? It does not feel like a compliment. It feels similar to someone saying 'nice to see you not looking so tired today', 'how lovely that you don't look as shit as usual'.

And when I've worn colour that doesn't suit me (brown, khaki, orange, yellow, pastels 🙈😂 lots of colours) I get told I look tired or unwell FFS.

Original poster
longcurtains · 01/05/2023 11:21

Glad I'm not alone in not liking the comments from other people! Although I predominantly wear black, I accessorise it with colour, so I'll wear red lipstick or red shoes (as an example) but I mostly like to keep my chunkier parts wrapped in darker colours.

I suspect that as my weight changes, I'll branch out a bit more but even if it doesn't, I still don't think people have the right to make comments. 😚

OP posts:
Original poster
longcurtains · 01/05/2023 11:23

DrFoxtrot · 01/05/2023 11:19

I really suit black and wear it frequently. I've had similar comments OP.

For those who have made comments to others along these lines, why do you feel the need to say it? It does not feel like a compliment. It feels similar to someone saying 'nice to see you not looking so tired today', 'how lovely that you don't look as shit as usual'.

And when I've worn colour that doesn't suit me (brown, khaki, orange, yellow, pastels 🙈😂 lots of colours) I get told I look tired or unwell FFS.

@DrFoxtrot Exactly!! It really does feel like an insult.

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 01/05/2023 11:28

I wear a loooot of black. Mainly because it’s easy to match and if I drop drink or food on myself it’s not so obvious 😂
my boss used to comment on it all the time and I don’t care haha. Like honestly, so what? Black is sleek and chic and tbh if you aren’t wearing the most expensive fabrics, black always looks better ( and yes I have a lot of cheap clothes)
Meanwhile the younger girls at work have also started wearing lots of black now, so, I win lol

Blondey2023 · 01/05/2023 11:28

I am insecure and when unhappy with my weight wear darker colours. I hate when people comment negatively on anything to do with anyone's appearance. So I understand how you feel. However now it's spring and summer nearly here, I think you would stand out in black and not in a good way, it would draw attention to you. Could you maybe do black and white clothing, ie black top but white trousers to brighten it up a bit. In summer I go super bright and summery and love the transition from my duller winter stuff.

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