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Original poster

Would I be a horrible person to tell boss about colleague's miscarriage?

41 replies

chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:02

I'm really worried about my friend. She had the day off on Friday for her scan but had the terrible news that she had miscarried. She has been in bed since but is insisting that she will be in work tomorrow.

Our manager is lovely and nothing would ever be said about her being off, even for a week or a few days. Would I be betraying her horribly to let manager know? She'll have to be on her feet and customer facing all day. I don't think she;s well enough.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 30/04/2023 21:02

Absolutely not your news to share, however benevolent your motives are.

moomoolandie · 30/04/2023 21:03

No way! You should never tell! 🤦🏻‍♀️

HewasH2O · 30/04/2023 21:03

You can't break your friend's confidence.

HinCogNeetOh · 30/04/2023 21:04

Please don't breathe a word.

ChatterMonkey · 30/04/2023 21:05

Absolutely not your place to be relaying any of this to your manager.

JeanieJo · 30/04/2023 21:05

No, please mind your own business and let your friend manage her situation herself.

tigger1001 · 30/04/2023 21:06

Not your news to share. She gets to decide how she wants to deal with this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2023 21:06

No. You can’t know how she’s feeling or what she needs and it’s her medical information which she has a right to keep private.

Miscellaneousme · 30/04/2023 21:06

No way! This just isn’t your decision to make, and would be a huge betrayal of trust. People deal with loss in different ways.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 30/04/2023 21:06

Of course you can't! Not only is it private medical info, but I'd never ever want an employer to know I was planning a family (and maternity leave!) it could adversely affect all sorts of things.

Original poster
chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:07

I'm just so worried about her.

OP posts:
mischlerischler · 30/04/2023 21:07

Of course not! It's not your place to tell.

Piony · 30/04/2023 21:07

absolutely not ok. Respect your friend's privacy.

Aylestone · 30/04/2023 21:07

Are you actually serious? Who needs enemies 🙄

FrigginFrig · 30/04/2023 21:07

Keep your beak out! Wtf

SourDoughToast · 30/04/2023 21:07

You really can't go sharing your friend's private confidential medical info with the manager!

It's up to your friend - not you - to decide whether she is fit for work tomorrow or not and who she does/ doesn't want to tell about her loss.

You could try and reassure your friend that the manager is lovely and would understand if she needed some time off so she shouldn't worry about speaking to the manager. But it would be her choice.

Honestly I'd go nuts if my work friend told anyone else I'd had a miscarriage- it's not their information to share!

Pollywoddles · 30/04/2023 21:08

Absolutely not. You’d be surprised how some people speak to or act towards those who’ve had miscarriages purely because they’ve never had one and don’t understand. I know what you’re trying to do comes from a good place but I’d be fuming with you if you did it to me.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 30/04/2023 21:08

Do not say anything.

PinedApple · 30/04/2023 21:10

It's not up to you to decide how your friend deals with this. Maybe she needs to work to get her mind off things. Please don't say anything !

SBAM · 30/04/2023 21:11

Don’t say anything to the boss, but maybe suggest to your friend that she speaks to her GP - most GPs will give a fit note that will be very discreet about the reason which would allow her some time off to recover.

Original poster
chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:11

I won't say anything. I'm just trying to support her.

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 30/04/2023 21:11

Definitely not your news to share.

PhillySub · 30/04/2023 21:13

You are allowed to be worried about a friend, you are not allowed to break a friend's very personal confidence.

moomoolandie · 30/04/2023 21:14

chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:07

I'm just so worried about her.

Then talk to her and encourage her to get some professional help.

Snowjokes · 30/04/2023 21:15

Id send your friend a message, to reassure her that if she wants to take time off, you’re sure everyone will support her. You could offer to speak to your manager on her behalf if she feels unable to have the conversation.

One thing to consider is that tomorrow might not be the time she needs off. I knew I’d miscarried two weeks before the miscarriage itself actually started. It was then that I needed a couple of weeks off.

But no, you absolutely can’t tell anyone without her permission.

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