Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would I be a horrible person to tell boss about colleague's miscarriage?

41 replies

chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:02

I'm really worried about my friend. She had the day off on Friday for her scan but had the terrible news that she had miscarried. She has been in bed since but is insisting that she will be in work tomorrow.

Our manager is lovely and nothing would ever be said about her being off, even for a week or a few days. Would I be betraying her horribly to let manager know? She'll have to be on her feet and customer facing all day. I don't think she;s well enough.

OP posts:

Fatkittythinkitty · 30/04/2023 21:15

Jesus Christ no. Definitely don't do that!

MrsMitford3 · 30/04/2023 21:16

omg no!!!

you can help and support her in other ways

NCGrandParent · 30/04/2023 21:16

I have been your friend. I took a week off work but I know others who have been fine to go to work. I would have been so so angry if you told anyone without my consent. I couldn't forgive that.

Soubriquet · 30/04/2023 21:16

No! It’s not your business

If you friend feels unwell tomorrow, she will have her own excuse.

Original poster

chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:18

I have tried talking to her. On one hand she's saying how much pain she's in but then she says she declined the sick note the hospital gave her. I am just so, so worried for her and I don't know what to say.

OP posts:

moomoolandie · 30/04/2023 21:21

chippedmyplate · 30/04/2023 21:18

Maybe give her a bit of space, it's only Sunday, you're not giving her time to process things. Maybe you should back off a bit. There's being concerned and then there's getting involved and you shouldn't be telling anyone anything, let alone managers!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/04/2023 21:23

You would lose your friend and possibly your job by revealing confidential information that you have been asked to keep quiet about. It's lovely that you want to support your friend but support her in the way that she wants, not in the way you think she needs. She might want the distraction of a busy day at work. Just let her know you are there for her and pass on you think the manager would be sympathetic but don't push the issue.

Witchpleas · 30/04/2023 21:25

My work colleague told her husband, also our colleague, about my miscarriage and I felt incredibly betrayed. It is not your place to tell. Ask her how you can help, don't infantilise her by thinking you know best.

ThreeRingCircus · 30/04/2023 21:37

moomoolandie · 30/04/2023 21:21

Show quote history

I agree with this. I think you need to back off and give her some space, just tell her you're there for her and if she needs anything to just let you know and then give her some space to deal with her feelings without also having to deal with speaking to you.

At the point you're considering betraying your friends trust and sharing private confidential medical information with her boss, which is outrageous.....then you're over involved and need to step back.

Username24680 · 30/04/2023 21:48

Absolutely agree with everyone else. You’d be hugely betraying your friends trust by disclosing that to anyone else, nevermind managers.

It’s lovely for you to care and be concerned for your friend but you need to take a step back. She’s going through a really awful thing. Tell her you’re here if she needs anything at all. Check in on her occasionally. But please give her space to process this however she feels most comfortable. She may want to work as a distraction. She may come back tomorrow, realise she’s not ready and then get a doctors note. And as has already been pointed out, perhaps it may be a bit later that she needs the time off if she physically can’t make it to work.

babyproblems · 30/04/2023 21:50

Support your friend but say NOTHING TO ANYONE.

Saying anything is the opposite of supporting her. I think you should give her some space and let her live her life. A lovely card saying you’ll help do anything she needs is enough. Then space. x

sweetdreamstenasee · 30/04/2023 21:51

You can be a good friend and support her just by listening to her, you don't have to actively get involved.

Sunbird24 · 30/04/2023 21:54

Please don’t say anything to anyone but her, and even then you need to follow her lead. I’ve had miscarriages on a Friday and been in work on the Monday, because I really needed to feel that something in my life was still normal and worth getting out of bed for. She may be the same, or she may go in and find it’s too much for her, but it has to be her decision. She needs to be able to control other things in her life because she’s likely to be feeling utterly powerless over her own body right now. Just support her.

Doggymummar · 30/04/2023 22:00

It's up to your friend who she tells. I was back at work the next day after all my miscarriages but they were all around v8 weeks. If people at work knew she was pregnant and she was quite far along then that will be really hard for her to deal with. If it was early days and only you knew then it MAY be easier. Just let her go at her own pace and make her own decisions

nofusspot · 30/04/2023 22:01

Let her breathe. I appreciate you care but it is not your place to get involved. If you are both in work tomorrow and she looks like she's about to collapse that is when you tell your manager she looks unwell if she won't go home

EustaceTheMonk · 01/05/2023 01:04

If you need to ask the question, you know the answer is "No".

Flip

1 2