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Original poster

Male pill - would you rely on your partner for contraception?

49 replies

thehonscupboard · 27/04/2023 16:07

If a male pill existed, would you feel confident to use it as your only form of contraception? Assuming the failure rates were the same as those for the female pill.

Obviously condoms and vasectomies exist so the concept of men being responsible for contraception isn't new, but condoms you can literally see that they're there, and that they've been used correctly, and vasectomies are.. well.. vasectomies.

For me the male pill feels different because you'd have to trust your partner to take it correctly everyday and to always let you know if eg. they were ill and its efficacy had been compromised. I wonder if some men wouldn't have the impetus to take it so religiously, given that they wouldn't be the ones getting pregnant should they take it incorrectly.

It's weird because I should trust my partner 100% with this but I don't think I would fully relax unless I was in control of my own contraception. I am really overthinking this hypothetical situation,

OP posts:
thimblewomgee247 · 27/04/2023 16:08

I absolutely would.

dementedpixie · 27/04/2023 16:09

No, because if it failed in any way it would be me that would have to deal with being pregnant, not them

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 27/04/2023 16:10

My DH now? Absolutely.

A boyfriend as a teenager/uni student? Fuck no.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Women's health
TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2023 16:11

My DH yes
A casual sexual encounter absolutely not

xogossipgirlxo · 27/04/2023 16:13

My husband, yes

Borka · 27/04/2023 16:21

I'm too old for this to be an issue now, but hypothetically, definitely not

Original poster
thehonscupboard · 27/04/2023 16:22

I feel bad that I don't trust my husband in this hypothetical situation when you all trust yours! Tbf he always misses doses of medication he takes, as do I, which is why I got a coil. We are both equally unreliable. Though if I had to trust any man with this it would definitely be him over the unsuitables before him.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 27/04/2023 16:24

I'm single, but like to think if I had a husband or long term partner I would trust them enough to take it. I have to say with previous partners it would have been unwise to trust them, although hindsight is 20/20.

I've always said that people should take responsibility for their own contraception, and responsibility is unfairly pushed onto women to cope with numerous horrible side effects that have so far been deemed 'too much' for a man to deal with, and of course men shouldn't have to have reduced sensation at all, god forbid.

The fact remains that should an accident happen, whether genuinely forgetting to take it or not, the consequences lie with the woman. So if I really didn't want to have a child (and I don't), I'd still sort my own contraception, even with a long term partner I think.

I would love a real male pill or equivalent contender to be on the market though. As a woman sort of dating on and off, it would really help sort the arseholes from the responsible.

Kinsters · 27/04/2023 16:25

I would trust DH yes, if we'd made the decision that that was our choice for birth control. I can't rely on myself to take the pill every day hence why that is not the birth control method we rely on!

diflasu · 27/04/2023 16:26

My DH yes - and it would have been nice to have more options as a couple.

But agree with others more casual relationships possible not.

hamstersarse · 27/04/2023 16:29

The problem for me would not be the trust, more that the pills would alter their hormonal balance (as they do with women) and I don't really want a non-manly man.

Original poster
thehonscupboard · 27/04/2023 16:29

Sparklfairy · 27/04/2023 16:24

I'm single, but like to think if I had a husband or long term partner I would trust them enough to take it. I have to say with previous partners it would have been unwise to trust them, although hindsight is 20/20.

I've always said that people should take responsibility for their own contraception, and responsibility is unfairly pushed onto women to cope with numerous horrible side effects that have so far been deemed 'too much' for a man to deal with, and of course men shouldn't have to have reduced sensation at all, god forbid.

The fact remains that should an accident happen, whether genuinely forgetting to take it or not, the consequences lie with the woman. So if I really didn't want to have a child (and I don't), I'd still sort my own contraception, even with a long term partner I think.

I would love a real male pill or equivalent contender to be on the market though. As a woman sort of dating on and off, it would really help sort the arseholes from the responsible.

I like your point about it helping as a dating aid. I can imagine a cohort of men who would refuse to take it but expect the women who they sleep with to take it. I wonder what would happen to STI rates.

OP posts:
BarelyLiterate · 27/04/2023 16:29

Yes, I would trust my DP 100% because I know that he dislikes children and does not ever want to be a parent, so he has a massive incentive to take it.

Would I trust some random bloke I met on a dating app & had known for 5 minutes? Of course not.

RoseAndRose · 27/04/2023 16:29

I'd want to know a lot more about it and how it worked.

Because after vasectomy, it can take weeks to get an "all clear" because sperm can hang around (still viable) in the tubing for ages.

So how long before a pill became effective, and how long each time he forgets one or has a dodgy tummy?

MsCatherine · 27/04/2023 16:32

I don't have a husband but I used to. I'd definitely not have relied on him to remember, and it would be my body bearing the consequences.

Original poster
thehonscupboard · 27/04/2023 16:33

hamstersarse · 27/04/2023 16:29

The problem for me would not be the trust, more that the pills would alter their hormonal balance (as they do with women) and I don't really want a non-manly man.

Hmm trying to see where you're coming from but do you think women on the pill are non-womanly women?

OP posts:
givemecoffeenow · 27/04/2023 16:33

I remember reading about the male pill. It works differently to a women’s contraceptive. It needs to be taken I think an hour or so before sex and it temporarily immobilises the sperm. The man is then effectively infertile for a certain amount of time till the pill wears off. So yes I would trust my partner. I expect we could plan it together so all the timings are right.

However if it was like the contraceptive pill that women have, where you have to take it every day. Then I would be more wary. There’s more room for error and it’s so easy to forget a pill. In that case I wouldn’t trust him because he’s forgetful lol.

Beezknees · 27/04/2023 16:36

Nope. I wouldn't trust anyone. At the end of the day it's me as the woman who would have to go through an abortion if I got pregnant, which I would 100% do as I don't want any more kids. I don't want to do that if I can help it. So the only person I want to rely on is myself.

Slimjimtobe · 27/04/2023 16:38

Yes, absolutely trust him and he’s very organised so wouldn’t forget

he wouldn’t want to take it though as his body is temple and hardly takes a paracetamol (but wouldn’t expect me to take an oral contraceptive either if I didn’t want to )

TheNachtzehrer · 27/04/2023 16:40

In my current situation, yes. DH reeeeeeally doesn't want another baby! (In fact, he doesn't want one enough that he already had the snip, so it's moot.)

In a casual relationship, no, because I would be the one that would bear the majority of the consequences if they lied or were just a little sloppy.

Lcb123 · 27/04/2023 16:42

dementedpixie · 27/04/2023 16:09

No, because if it failed in any way it would be me that would have to deal with being pregnant, not them

This. I trust my DH but at the end of the day I’d have to deal with the consequences

Effieswig · 27/04/2023 16:50

No I wouldn't. Because I know myself. If it failed, even through no fault of dp I would still end up resenting him. I know I would. I would 100% have an abortio and I don't want to go through that.

Like it or not pregnancy and having a baby puts women in vulnerable positions and impacts women far more. I would want to know I was doing everything I could to avoid it.

Even if dp took it exactly as he should, 100% of the time it would still be me that was impacted more if it failed and I wouldn't want all the responsibility for that out of my hands.

And if mn is to be believed the real life failure rate of the female pill is far higher than it should be. At least if I know I have taken mine incorrectly, or thrown up/ diarrhoea I am still in control. Dp may not even think about it if he took it and was ill, as many women do.

CandlelightGlow · 27/04/2023 16:53

Yep I would. My DP wouldn't want to get me pregnant without my consent.

I may help him ensure he's taking them because he has ADHD and can be forgetful, plus men have not had any experience taking a pill for contraception like women have.

HirplesWithHaggis · 27/04/2023 16:55

DH (and I) took part in a trial for the male "pill" many years ago - it was actually a weekly testosterone injection. It took a couple of months to reduce his sperm count to "infertile" and that was maintained for a year, came back to normal very quickly when he stopped the injections. And he definitely was not a less manly man!

FortyFacedFuckers · 27/04/2023 16:56

givemecoffeenow · 27/04/2023 16:33

I remember reading about the male pill. It works differently to a women’s contraceptive. It needs to be taken I think an hour or so before sex and it temporarily immobilises the sperm. The man is then effectively infertile for a certain amount of time till the pill wears off. So yes I would trust my partner. I expect we could plan it together so all the timings are right.

However if it was like the contraceptive pill that women have, where you have to take it every day. Then I would be more wary. There’s more room for error and it’s so easy to forget a pill. In that case I wouldn’t trust him because he’s forgetful lol.

I haven't looked into it so not sure how it works but if it's as described here then yes but if it worked the same as the female pill then 100% no, my DP is always forgetting things, losing things etc