I know when it's all going wrong for ds12 because his texts are full sentences...

[Pascha]

Ds1(12) has left his geography presentation at home. It's due this afternoon. Note the absolute assertion that I (mum) have put it elsewhere (I haven't. It's in his school drawer with all the rest of his books.). Also note the complete lack of social niceties like please and thank you, even though I know he will be eternally grateful when I bring it and he will say thanks in person. He's a lovely boy really.

When he's relaxed I get 'ye', 'nah' and 'k' as responses which covers about 90%of everything he needs to tell me over messaging.

Ah bless. I wonder how it magically got out of the bag when it was definitely in there?

Mines Yr 11, exactly the same!! What can you do?
Take it in, tell him he owes you one !!

Also this morning he yelled down to say his school trousers are muddy where are the other ones? I dug them out of the clean washing pile, ironed them, put them on the bannister and 10 minutes later he came down wearing the supposedly dirty ones (which looked fine to me) and ignored the pristine clean ones I'd just made time to sort.

I'm sure he has Important Necessary Thing Blindness where he just can't hold on to the information long enough to actually use it.

I get 'mummy' when my ds (19 years old) needs something.

Usually he's lost his key, or didn't take it with him, or his car has broken down, or he'd like some tea with us. Bloody mummy indeed!

I always laugh when I see those scam messages supposedly from your kid about having lost/broken their phone and being unable to access bank account so could you just transfer £10k to their friend to buy a new one. I know it wouldn't be from my Ds (21) as it uses correct grammar and spelling and please 😆
I'm never sure whether my DS is using some new text-speak abbreviation that I have yet to learn of, or whether the assorted bunch of letters is actually meant to say something (no, he is not dyslexic).

Oh!! Mine does his own ironing and putting away. So he knows where everything is!!
Sounds like you need to step back a bit

@Pascha I'm sure he has Important Necessary Thing Blindness where he just can't hold on to the information long enough to actually use it.

I am imagining in years to come, your DIL complaining about the man she married asking her what she had done with HIS briefcase/power tool/keys. Hopefully he will grow out of this!

So why did you take it out of his bag OP?

I love how teenagers think we are stupid. Mine is the same (although older). Ask them a question and it's "k" or "no" if they want something I get war and peace including full on flowery language.

Lol. Mine just answers in single words, yes, no or hmm. I feel at times I am speaking to a wall. She generally wants to be left alone, which I understand is a teenager thing but the irony is when I don't involve her in stuff at home since she wants to be alone, she gets upset. Wondering whether to involve or not involve

If I let mine do it, her room is always a mess. Clothes all around the place. Shoes at different places etc.

well I'm afraid a forgotten book etc here remains forgotten and they deal with the consequences.

At secondary I have never taken anything up to school - too far away, so unless it was literally for a GCSE or A level exam, and had to be there today then no, they will have to face the consequences.

Hmmm... are you absolutely sure you are not creating a man that someone will be on here complaining about in 15 years time that he doesn't pull his weight, is rude and defensive if asked to sort his shit out?

Exactly @Paq

He needs to deal with the consequences of the forgotten book himself, which it seems that he did do with the trousers, he just wore the ones he had, that were apparently not clean, even though the OP took it on herself to immediately iron his other trousers, even though no school trousers ever need ironing if you just hang them up straight out of the washing machine.

Careful OP, your inner martyr is showing.

I wouldn’t let my kids get a detention, which is what they would get if they forgot something. If it’s a rare occurrence, anyone can forget something/make a mistake.

I think my son forgot a book/worksheet twice in 5 years of secondary school and my daughter once so far and she’s in year 9. The way I see it is that detentions/consequences are designed to act as a deterrent or as a punishment. My kids don’t need a deterrent, they’re organised but they are human and genuine mistakes happen and shouldn’t be punished. Even the teachers forget books occasionally.

He's 12. He's learning to get it all right but he's a human being who missed the folder when packing his bag. He spent serious time putting this all together for his term geography presentation and it's important to him. Forgetfulness happens to all of us and because I am able to help him I will. He learns how compassion for others helps in times of need and hopefully does better at bag prep in future.

No future DILs are in danger.

@BarbaraofSeville no school trousers ever need ironing if you just hang them up straight out of the washing machine.

Lol. They were bottom of yesterday's washing line haul. They definitely needed it.

yes, that is kind of the point.

Your room is your room. If you want to tidy, then tidy it! Don't expect someone else (Mum) to do it!

I don't do my teens bedrooms. I will help if asked (one of mine struggles to do it herself but can manage if we do it together)

well, that's nice for you.

But school is too far away, and I work. So no, I am no going up to school with it.

To be fair, it sounds like OPs ds had to give a presentation on this today, and in those circumstances I might have done, especially if there was no alternative time for the presentation.

But also my kids school was sensible. They did lunchtime detentions for things like missing homework, to get the work done. If you have already done it and handed it in it was just a time to do some other homework. But also, the teachers know the kids, if this is unusual for them they then may just say bring it tomorrow.
After school detentions are rare and only after mutiple lunchtime ones.

The magic word in this house is “Mummy” not please.
(they do have to say please too though)

Seriously?
I occasionally drop things off for DS but while it was frequent in Y7 it hadn’t happened in Y9 - I still would if I could. I am a 5 minute walk from home and work flexibly so if I can I will.
I did the same for his sister.
They don’t take it for granted and are grateful so I don’t think I’m creating Monsters

DS (16) writes beautifully crafted messages, with smart use of vocab, appropriate semi colons, and quaint turns of phrase. Face to face he communicates mostly with grunts and monosyllabic utterances. I love his text message

FWIW I pandered to DS2 until he left home. Laundry , housekeeping, room service , taxi etc etc.
He moved into a flat in another city last year and he cooks, cleans and hoovers.
He is currently contemplating buying a rice cooker.
Even in the difficult years he didn’t take any of this for granted.

I was just asking the question @Hoppinggreen, that's all. Chill.

I wouldn’t accept him asking like that - fair enough he’s stressed out but not to even say please when mummy was prepared to drop everything and rush it straight to the school. Added to the trousers thing - you should stop mollycoddling him, he’s old enough to make sure he’s got uniform for the next day.

you say he’s polite normally but neither of your examples of him demanding (I’d say asking but it’s not is it) stuff from you don’t make him look that way.