Dad never hugged me or told me he loves me-is this normal?

[ohdannyboi]

I'm 37 and never (not even as a child ) has my dad hugged me or told me loves me
Obviously on birthday cards "love dad "
I see my dad daily and as a child I had a lovely childhood but he has never said he loves me.
Is this normal ?

My mum or dad didn't. I thought that was normal. I'm 38. I hug my kids every day and tell them I love them.

No my parents never did and still don't, neither did my Grandparents. First boyfriend was the first person to say they loved me. Even when dropping me at the airport to go back to boarding school they didn't say it so I felt pretty abandoned. I say it all the time to my kids. I think my parents love me but they are just not the type to say it or hug!!

My parents never hug me/say they love me or show any sort of affection. I really struggle with it even though I assume they must love me because they provided me with everything (private school, big house deposit etc.).

They are also very critical of me. I make sure I am the complete opposite with my children.

You know he cares then which is the main thing.

Neither of DH's parents were in any way demonstrative. He has said that neither ever hugged him or said the words 'loved'. They were from a different generation though (born early 20s) and were very stiff upper lip. They showed their love I guess in other ways - by working themselves into the ground to provide opportunities for DH and his siblings for example.

Poppa never did. He was born in 1922, so, yup, the war, the depression, and he had an absolute bastard of a father, who never missed an opportunity to belittle and diminish my Dad.

He died 27 years ago. Before he died, I oh so courageously got pissed as a fart, and managed to tell him I loved him. He smiled very embarrassedly back, and muttered something about, yes, hmmmm, well yes. . .

Bless him. I loved my Dad. I still miss him.

Like us all, he had a bucket full of faults, was a very damaged soul, but I never doubted his love for me. And I was so proud of who and what he was. I wish I'd showed and told him that more.

Same here from both parents. It's still the same for my Dad but my Mum started being better when I became of adult age and above (I'm now 30). I just find it awkward now because I'm not used to it. Both me and DH tell our 3 children we love them and give them a lot of affection. I'd never want them feeling the way I've felt over the years.

This is such an interesting thread. Not surprising really to see so many of us whose parents were of the wartime/post war generation sharing similar experiences. Our Dads were of their time. Most of them would have never heard ‘I love you’ from a parent. Most would have experienced much stricter discipline from their parents; even corporal punishment at school. Different times.

I’m really interested to see how my own kids turn out and how their relationship with their dad is different to my relationship with my dad. Throughout my childhood and teen years, my dad left the house at 6am every day and returned home at 8pm. He certainly never came to watch a school assembly or sports day or anything like that (mind you, nor did my mum as she was a teacher!) In contrast, my kids have a dad who has been around a lot more. When they were little he worked locally and was home in time to bath them and read them stories. He’s now been self-employed for some years so he has been to sports days and school events, has taken them to dentist appointments etc. And he is tactile and affectionate and tells them often that he loves them and is proud of them. I think they’re really lucky to have that kind of relationship with their dad.

My dad never hugs me or tells me he loves me. I know he does though, he just doesn't say it. My mum also doesn't say it. However I tell my children I love them everyday and we hug etc.

My parents were born in 1944 and I grew up with them and me saying Goodnight, Love you until I was about 12 when it tailed off kinda naturally I think, I can still remember my father's surprised look the first night I didn't give him a goodnight kiss BUT I never, ever doubted their love, they did so much to show me and my ds exactly how much we meant to them. My dm died a few years ago but years before that we started saying Love you in texts which seemed easier and then in person, my father was hospitalised during covid so we couldn't visit so texts were a blessing and we starting saying Goodnight, Love you every night, this has continued to this day, I live a few hours from him and it's such a lovely finish to every day, our relationship is stringer than ever and is good to see it acknowledged so easily by both of us.

Same for me, but I know he does!

I don't think my Dad ever said he loved me but I never doubted it for a second. And I'm not sure he ever said he was proud of me directly, he'd just beam whenever I nailed anything. I'd much rather that than have a Dad who could nail the verbal platitudes but never had my back in all the multitude of silent ways.

My Dad was born in 1950 and has never hugged me etc. I can’t imagine him doing that tbh! DM didn’t either, the last time I properly spoke to her in hospital before she died she said ‘you’re lovely really’ and it freaked me out because it was so out of character!

My dad never did. My mum never did. Neither to me or my brother. I don’t remember ever having a hug from either of them. I don’t remember ever hearing them tell each other that they loved each other and they never hugged each other either.

Ditto.

But I know they do love me. I don't particularly miss that they haven't said it to me.
I'd still happily sit on my dad's knee, or cuddle up to either of them on the sofa.

It was the opposite in my house, Dad over compensated for my mum who was totally devoid of love or affection for me.

Can I ask if you have siblings, was he the same with them or your mum?
My mum was the opposite with my sister but literally couldn't have been more contemptuous towards me.

What annoyed me was as I got older that my dad never spoke up against the behaviour. He would just buy me gifts to make up for it.

It's not normal from a parent. I found out since that my sister was number one because she was the product of an affair with a guy she was about to leave my father for but he found out she was pregnant and ditched her. My dad did a noble thing and brought my sister up as his own. It totally makes sense now why she was vile to me as she married my dad because she wanted to leave home and had me very swiftly after. If anything, she hated us both.