Moved to Australia

[MrsT87]

Myself and young family (hubby and 2 kids age 6 & 2) have recently emigrated to Perth Australia. I am feeling extremely homesick and feeling like I’ve made the worst decision ever. I’m wracked with mum guilt for taking my kids away from everyone that loved them. I’m already planning on returning in a few months time. My hubby while he is amazing just doesn’t feel it in the same way I do. Guess I’m just looking for a bit of reassurance that I’ve not failed if I chose to go home.

@MrsT87 im so sorry you’re homesick. Feeling like that is the worst! However you’ve only been there for such a short time. Give yourself a couple of years and see it as an experience for the whole family. Perth is the perfect place for families, stunning weather in the summer, the beaches, outdoor lifestyle which you don’t get in the Uk and lots of family based activities, incredible parks and open spaces for your kids to grow up in. Where abouts in Perth do you live? As this will affect how you’re feeling now too. I know Perth very well and I know the areas I would like to live in and the ones that wouldn’t make me feel too happy! I’m terms or salary, would it make sense giving it a bit longer as you and or your husband would be earning more than you would be in the UK? Lastly, why don’t you pay for one or both of your parents to come over for some family support for a few months if they are able to? It will help you settle in and it’s a lot cheaper than moving the whole family back home! Big hugs!

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. I know I need to give it time, but when you are feeling like this it’s hard to get out of the mindset of going home. My family back in the UK are the most supportive family ever and are always there for my and my 2 kids. I’ve been naive to take them away from that. I guess the big question is whether the lifestyle out here is enough to sacrifice a relationship with family. I know it’s too soon to even think about going home and I need to try embrace it for at least a few months and see how I feel then. I just at the moment feel family is more important than sunshine and beaches. I thought a “better life” was the lifestyle australia offered but in hindsight I think we had the “better life” back home.

What job is your DH in? Can he transfer to a UK based site?

@custardbear he’s a software developer and while his company don’t have a UK based office I don’t think he’d have any issues getting another job.

My family moved to Australia in the 1980s; just the 5 of us (three kids, mum and dad). It was really hard back then as communicating with family in England was tough (phone calls very expensive, letters took forever, no email, text messaging or FaceTime!). That experience really pulled us together as a family, and we've always been incredibly close. Starting work and school was a huge help as it connected us to our community and helped us all make friends. Hang in there - moving anywhere new is a huge culture shock, particularly when it's a new country. One rule my parents had in the early days was to never say no when any of us was invited somewhere. Friend invites you to a BBQ, you go. Neighbour invites the kids out to play, they go. School has a function on, you all go. All opportunities to make friends which helps you settle in.

@WhereMyRosemaryGoes I did consider this before we left but I don’t think I realised just how hard it would be. I don’t want my kids to struggle to maintain a relationship with my family, that’s what makes it so hard.

@CuteCillian thank you, I’m struggling to accept I’ve made a mistake in coming here. It was a dream for so long and now I’m just not sure I want it.

the families who have gone back to the UK - are they settling back in ok?

What were you hoping to achieve in terms of lifestyle? What was the big draw card for you and your family?
(Ex pat, I get how rough you can feel)

@Hop27 we were looking for a better life away from the UK. More outdoor lifestyle, weather etc. However since arriving and re-evaluating I’m not sure that is a better life, just a different one. I’m feeling the better life was the one I had in the UK and it took me to come here to appreciate that.

How long have you been here? Any regrets?

I’d recommend reading Christian O’Connells book ‘No One Listens to Your Dads Show’. He moved his family to Australia (Melbourne) 5 years ago. It’s really good. Maybe the issue is that, from what I understand, Perth is isolated. I’d swap in a heartbeat, the UK is cold and, depending on where you live in UK, there are fewer and fewer opportunities for younger people. I honestly wish I could have left while I was still young.

Oh OP I get it, it's completely normal to feel this way.

I also left my country to move very far away, the first year was hard! Then it started to get easier. Getting a job/hobbies helped me. It's now been 6 years, and it's much better.

I still miss my family though and they seem so far away, that part is hard. Make visits a priority.

I would give it at least a year, but no you are not a failure if you go back home. It's hard, people don't understand how hard it is if they aren't in the situation.

I hope it works out for you. 🙂

I live in Perth. Moved here from NZ. I had a teen and a 6 month old at the time and a DH who was FIFO (4/1) No car at the beginning. No air conditioning in a very hot climate ( arrived beginning of January) I was terribly homesick for the first 2-3 years. I phoned home a lot. Sometimes 3-4 times a day. Now communicating is a lot easier. My kids still had a great relationship with grandparents etc. Things felt much more like home here once we bought our own house.

It takes a fair bit of time.

I know the UK has been turned into a shithole

No, it hasn't.

We moved to Oz with a toddler and I found the first year really hard. It was the "year of firsts" as we figured out the whole calendar year of to navigate everything from birthdays to tax returns etc. After that I had more energy to spend on creating my "village" and things for better from there.
We're just over 4years in and both of us have realised we feel quite Australian now and it took us by surprise!
So yea the homesickness is real but if you can try to put the effort into your village and community and it will feel much less lonely and isolated.

Can I just add, don't worry about your kids relationship with relatives.

I'm sure it's because they have been zooming since they were babies, but my two feel as if they know their cousins etc as well as if they see them in person! It's weird, but useful!

@MrsT87
I'm from an extremely close family so I understand the pull. I moved for love, took a chance on a guy and 2 countries and 12 years later here I am - 9 in Brisbane.
I'm lucky that my parents come out yearly for an extended period. I just wouldn't get that at home, that quality time.
I think the better lifestyle thing is a bit of a myth, you still have to work, do chores, life admin, so it's not like a holiday. (If that makes sense) The extreme heat in summer you learn to live with, like the cold winters in the uk. You do get used to it, it's 20 deg today and I'm in boots, a jacket and light knit, with a skirt.
Were you an active / outdoors family in the UK? Australia doesn't automatically make you that way, 15 DSS prefers being inside with the air con on under a duvet playing Xbox - to our pool for example.
I don't have regrets, I miss home, but I've accepted that. I'm a mess at Christmas. I've worked hard to build a strong 'family' around me, and one is like a sister (also a Brit). Our kids have grown up together.
There are great opportunities here, DH and I both earn really good money, I doubt that would be the same thing in the uk. But we work hard for it. We are in the position that we'll be able to help DSS get through uni without debt and hopefully give him a good start in adult life.
DH, DSS and I are all sporty and that's helped. Plus I think more people are here. I'm much fitter in my 40's than I was in my 20's! Bikini around friends is a good motivator. Happy to chat / help / pm me if you want someone who has been there done that, my best friend has nearly gone home SO many times, she's an only child and finds it extremely hard, but it's a better life for her kids.
My advice? Get your kids into teams, join a sport / team / gym. Find work, if you don't already. Don't go home for 12 months. Plan to re assess at 18 months. If you go home, then you've had a bloody good adventure! Not a failure.

@Hop27 - I'm going off at a tangent here, but I was advised recently to look carefully at the student loan thing. Depending on the interest rates at the time, it can often be better to let them pick up the student loans, and put your money in something with a good interest rate.

The student loans are generally at the lowest interest rate, and by the time they've finished uni, you've got the money to pay it off, and significant interest too.

Anyway, back to the thread!

How was your Anzac day, @MrsT87 ?

That's a matter of opinion! For the majority, the UK is an awful place compared with what it was.

Did anyone 'tell you so', or is this you projecting your own feelings that coming back = failure onto other people?

@psychomath no-one had told me this and I do feel going home would be a failure in some ways.

Morning OP

My husband is Australian and every now and then we toss up the idea of relocating. I love the city he is from, but I know I would struggle with the total lack of cultural connection. We don't think about it, but we grow up watching certain tv shows, get used to seeing certain faces on the tv, brands and supermarkets, we all can discuss pop culture references and have all these memories intertwined into our roots. I know when were visiting family a few years ago I was pregnant and DREADFULLY homesick and I saw a clip of Lorraine on my phone and almost had a meltdown.
Suddenly everything is new for you - things you didnt even have to think about before like how to open a bank account or how schools work feels new and scary.

I think give yourself a good year of it and get yourself into a new normal. If you still dont like it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with moving back!

I hear everything your saying. As I have been where you are and I get it totally. If you can stick it out for 2 years and get your citizenship which may take 2 years try hang in there. If you can afford a holiday in between do that too. As my marriage ended I had no choice but to remain in Australia with my son for 15 years on my own as if you end up in that situation then you can not just move home. You can but without your children unless your ex agrees. The Hague Convention law which not many with children know about this law when moving abroad with children. Australia is a beautiful country with lovely people but yes you do miss your own family and friends. I got on with it as I had no choice and made the best of everything and do not regret that either as I had my son to take care of. Fast forward 22 years I am back in the UK with my son who is now 24 and he loves it here. I am a full time carer for my 97 year old mum at the moment. Life can change so quickly and what I have learnt life is for living. Both countries are beautiful for different reasons . If you have a great partner work on it together. My partner was a nightmare so that made it harder. Never say never. Nothing wrong with a ping pong pom. Keep a positive attitude and remember life is never perfect anywhere. You will never stop feeling you miss the UK and your people when in OZ and the other way around. Enjoy your little family unit. Get out join groups and make new friends. What I miss of Australia is the lovely weather and the beauty of the beaches. What I missed of the UK was my family ,friends, traditions, country villages, crazy seaside towns, the buzz of cities etc. It is early days for you and your family. Try give it 2 years then see how you all feel. Good luck and be kind to yourself it's a hard journey at first xx

How is it going @MrsT87 ?

Hi! I was searching myself and came across your post. We are thinking of relocating with children. We’ve lived there before pre-children and also went through the fight/flight! At 12 months we decided to stay, it just seemed to click overnight! Everything in Australia suddenly made more sense than the UK. But we stayed for 4 years and returned to UK after having first child - regretted it ever since! So heading back to Perth hopefully. Did you feelings settle? Are you still there? Or have you returned and how do you feel about that? In reality it will cost us around £30k to relocate so interested in hearing others experience with children. I hope it worked out for you either way. Hope you don’t kind be posting after all this time. Thanks .

@DaniD1980 we returned to the UK. My feelings didn’t settle, but I can’t say they never would have as we returned fairly quickly. For me the dream was before we had kids and I never really took into consideration how having kids would impact my feelings. Coming from such a close family to going out there with no support I really struggled with. In all honesty though I lost my grandad 4 days before we left the UK so I think that played a massive part in how I was feeling. Coming home was the right thing for us at the time, we’ve since lost more close family and I couldn’t imagine how I would’ve coped being out there. In hindsight though, I didn’t really give it a chance and I guess that part I do regret somewhat. Our PR runs out in 2028 so never say never about returning. I’m sorry that probably didn’t help, but that was at least our experience 😊