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Original poster

I don't want to wake up

28 replies

Podengo · 22/04/2023 19:07

It's all too much. A lifetime of depression and anxiety. I've tried medication. It doesn't work. I'm alone. No-one cares. I have no-one to confide in. I'm a failed parent. I want to go to bed and sleep for ever.

OP posts:
Inkanta · 22/04/2023 19:44

Are you struggling love 🌸 keep talking. Whats going on?

autumnboys · 22/04/2023 19:47

Sorry to hear things are so tough. Would it help to talk?

Original poster
Podengo · 22/04/2023 20:15

That's one of my big problems. I can't talk to people . I have no friends. I can't even write down how I feel.

OP posts:

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General health
LiliLil · 22/04/2023 20:18

We’re here.

If you don’t want to talk what can we do to help? Distraction? A random chat?

Do you have any support services in place? The Samaritans can help, you don’t have to know what to say or even talk much at all but they can help x

Inkanta · 22/04/2023 20:21

Is there no one? You sound flat and depressed. What's your situation at home - can you say a bit more, and are you taking anti-depressants?

Usedtobechilled · 22/04/2023 20:32

Podengo · 22/04/2023 20:15

That's one of my big problems. I can't talk to people . I have no friends. I can't even write down how I feel.

Talk to people here.
Start small, tell us how your day has been and then work from there x

MNHQ
ClaraMumsnet · 22/04/2023 20:33

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Health resources Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Original poster
Podengo · 22/04/2023 20:34

I have one child. He's at college and his girlfriend's most of the time. I miss him terribly. I'm dull and boring and couldn't provide him with siblings and he only has my mother, sister and his dad as relatives. I've failed him. I'm with his dad. He quite a bit older than me. But I can't talk to him about things. I can't talk to anyone. Never have been able to.

I'm taking Sertraline.

OP posts:
Original poster
Podengo · 22/04/2023 20:50

I can't even type here what the problem is.

OP posts:
Inkanta · 22/04/2023 20:52

You have an empty nest do you and miss your son. Sounds like he's doing okay - college and a girlfriend. I notice you're a bit hard on yourself but yes you sound depressed. Have you been on Sertraline a while?

Original poster
Podengo · 22/04/2023 21:05

I've been taking Sertraline for 12 months.

Mum is rapidly declining. Dad died a few years ago. My life is lonely.

OP posts:
LiliLil · 22/04/2023 21:06

Is there a reason you can’t type what the problem is? Are you safe?

Or is it more you can’t really put your finger on it?

PollyAmour · 22/04/2023 21:08

What's your relationship like with your sister? Can you talk to her? Is your husband unaware of your unhappiness?

Irenehere · 22/04/2023 21:09

Hey op. It's OK I understand what u mean. I've been there too and wanted to type it down or tal it out but couldn't. I still couldn't now if I tried. I don't really know what to say but I wish I was there to give you a hug x

QueSyrahSyrah · 22/04/2023 21:15

We care OP, we're listening. Keep talking here if it helps you.

Are your thoughts about your DC's family something he's expressed or a concern that you have? I have a grand total of 5 close family members (and two of them are by marriage) and it's never been an issue for me at all. If it's something that worries you then please don't. Every family is different x

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/04/2023 21:27

Keep talking here OP. Write down anything that springs to mind.

❤️

cantgetabus · 22/04/2023 21:35

Yes keep talking. Don't be alone ❤️

Errmmmmmmmmmmm · 22/04/2023 21:37

we care. you're not alone. ❤️

HelloNetMums · 22/04/2023 21:40

You've not failed your child. His at college and is happy in a relationship. Sounds like his doing well.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, you are not alone, most people on here would have felt the same as you at some point, I know I have 💖

Mariposista · 22/04/2023 21:44

You sound very low OP. Please get some real life MH help. You are worth this and deserve it, and your family would want you to feel better than you do.
FWIW you don't sound like a failed parent. Who cares if you only have one child? Lots and lots of only children go on to live successful, happy lives and build great relationships (I am one of them :) ). Your son is in education, not in jail, not on drugs, he has a good relationship with his aunt and grandparents. Not everyone is from a big noisy family (believe me, families are no guarantee of security, sometimes smaller is better). He has a girlfriend (who obviously thinks he is ok).
It is extremely difficult when your parents get old and/or their health fails. Did you have any bereavement counselling after your Dad's death? Don't be afraid to get help OP.

TheShellBeach · 22/04/2023 21:53

Hello OP. Sorry you're feeling so low. We're all here to listen to you.
Can you try to say what's made you feel so bad this evening?

90yomakeuproom · 22/04/2023 22:07

Please don't dwell on the fact your child is an only child. I am too and I absolutely love it, I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I have my mum and dad and then my own little family I've made, which it sounds like your son has too.
Also, let's face it there are plenty of people with siblings who don't get on or aren't close so makes no difference.

BoobieEscape · 22/04/2023 22:15

Hi OP,
I understand completely how you feel, so if you ever want to chat then just PM me, can talk about anything.

But you can't have failed your son, because he is in college and has a girlfriend, if he is staying at hers a lot it must be going well.
Your still with his dad so your still in a relationship, you say no one cares but have you tried to talk to your partner or sister at least. They probably do care.

It's so easy to tell ourselves that no one cares but how many family and friends have been on TV after someone has committed suicide and said if only they opened up to them, because they would have been there.

If your medication isn't working go back to the Drs and make a pest of yourself if you have to and get it adjusted.

Find a hobby to do in spare time, and spend half and hour each day doing some sort of self care. No excuses, doesn't have to be a lot, even just sitting reading for a little bit with some chocolate or a nice bubble bath etc.

Have you thought about maybe getting a dog? Your could go for walks, join a training/agility center, you might meet some people there.
Sending big hugs, I hope things start looking better for you soon X

SadCelticBunny · 22/04/2023 23:50

As an only child can I please tell you that I was, and am, fine!

I am married to some one with clinical and severe depression. She tried a few antidepressants until hitting on Venlafaxin, which she crudités with saving her life.

Please go to the doctor as soon as you can.
Also talk on here, people will listen.

Sending 💐

Original poster
Podengo · 23/04/2023 11:15

Thank you everyone. I feel a little uplifted by your comments. My DH doesn't really understand what anxiety and depression are like. Luckily for him he's never had it. Tbh I'm ashamed to admit it. So I hide it. Even admitting it to a doctor is hard. I assume they are annoyed that I'm wasting their time when there are people in their waiting room with cancer etc

OP posts: