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Original poster

DS passed driving test. I'm terrified.

37 replies

AnxiousForLife · 21/04/2023 19:10

Gave DS17 driving lessons for his birthday. He passed with 2 minors 6 months later. As promised I bought him a little car. My parents did the same for me and gave me great freedom. I wanted to do the same for him.

Thing is I've not been able to sleep since he passed. Every time he's out in the car, I'm absolutely terrified. I'm scared he'll have an accident or smash the car up etc.

I don't think I'll ever stop worrying now. Please help.

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 21/04/2023 19:27

I was exactly the same as you but this was many years ago.

All you can do is remind him not to consume alcohol,or drugs and drive.

Not to show off speeding to impress girls or friends.

remind him if he gets banned he has to retake his driving test.

PS. he must be a good driver to have passed his test so quickly.

frozendaisy · 21/04/2023 19:39

If he's in his own car he is in control he is not being driven by one of his friends which might be worse.

Have you told him you feel like this?
Is he usually sensible, calm?

Saschka · 21/04/2023 19:42

If he does have a minor accident, honestly it wouldn’t be the end of the world (assuming he isn’t drunk or speeding etc). Stressful for him to have a prang, but 99% of car accidents are low speed bumps rather than high speed fatalities.

Mushroomofficeglass · 21/04/2023 19:45

I'd agree with pp it gets easier dc has been driving a year and I was terrified at first. Dc does have a black box fitted which gives me some reassurance. I don't worry as much but do when dc had to drive home in snow after work, or bad winds and rain. I did realise a few months in I wasn't worrying as much though.
Dc also passed quickly, first time and with only one minor aged 17.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 21/04/2023 19:47

I can’t imagine you’re in any sense unusual. Mine hasn’t started learning yet but I anticipate I’ll feel the same. You just have to drum driving safely into them and trust them I guess, I’m sure it’ll ease in time.

Wenfy · 21/04/2023 19:49

Might be a good idea to give him driving related responsibilities like picking / dropping you off sometimes. That way you can try to influence him.

Roselilly36 · 21/04/2023 19:49

I was exactly the same DS passed, first attempt at 17, insisted on driving to college the next day, in torrential rain. I was worried sick, until I saw him driving back onto the drive.

Smoky1107 · 21/04/2023 19:51

I'm exactly the same but I am starting to relax and I don't show her. I'm a confident drive anywhere sort of driver so I want her to be the same! It does get easier

rwalker · 21/04/2023 19:52

I know exactly what you mean just told him how worried I was no lectures just please be careful

didn’t help when 2 weeks later he passed me on the motorway I’d just started to settle down then was as bad again

onepieceoflollipop · 21/04/2023 19:55

Similar here, although mine was 18 passed first time.
She did have a bump a week later which upset me at the time (fairly bad damage to her car and one person slightly injured)
However before this she had been a bit ‘cocky’ for example starting playing the radio and talking hands free on her phone, or having friends in the car…
I did speak to her about all this but she is an adult (19 now)
at the time of the bump she wasn’t distracted and it made her realise that had she been, the outcome could have been worse.

3 months on I’m more relaxed but only if I know she is on familiar journeys.
I’m hoping my anxiety will gradually reduce. At least as a pp said she is not being driven by friends which would worry me more. She doesn’t drink and is actually quite sensible. It’s more other road users that worry me, lorries driving too close with little room for error and she’s in a little car and is still learning how to predict things like a more experienced driver might.

aberlot · 21/04/2023 19:56

Rules. No more then one passenger at a time for the first while. No late night driving unless it's for work. Get in the car with him as much as you can do he is forced to drive properly - the longer he does this the harder it will stick.

onepieceoflollipop · 21/04/2023 19:58

@aberlot
i wish mine would agree to that but she’s an adult. And even those that pass at 17 will soon be 18 and therefore don’t have to agree with their parents!

Itwasnaeme · 21/04/2023 20:00

onepieceoflollipop · 21/04/2023 19:58

@aberlot
i wish mine would agree to that but she’s an adult. And even those that pass at 17 will soon be 18 and therefore don’t have to agree with their parents!

Depends who's paying the bills for the car, I suppose!

Gumbo · 21/04/2023 20:01

This was me 3 weeks ago, 17 year old DS passed after driving just 4 months (got a car for Christmas) and it's terrifying! Like a pp said, mines got a black box which was installed last week which means I always know where he is, and he's got a massive incentive not to speed or drive like an idiot. Still scary though - we live rurally and the roads can be treacherous!

onepieceoflollipop · 21/04/2023 20:02

@Itwasnaeme
in our case dd is. but yes I agree perhaps if the parents are paying they have more say. (Although many young adults agree to things for a quiet life and do as they please anyway ime)

lidlbrownjug · 21/04/2023 20:05

Best thing that happened to mine was one of their mates having a big prang in which no one was hurt just when they were 17 and 15.

They realised how easily it happened because X was super sensible and had just been distracted.

No phones in the body of the car - in the boot was the rule I had and they all had black boxes for the insurance which calmed their jets a bit.

bellalou1234 · 21/04/2023 20:05

I was passed myself. My dd passed and I told her not to pass a redone traffic light system. Low and behold I was driving in the opposite direction and there she was cool as a cucumber. Then she was going out with a new bf and out all hours..then started nurse training in a remote area and was driving all remote roads at all hours...it gets easier

aberlot · 21/04/2023 20:08

onepieceoflollipop · 21/04/2023 19:58

@aberlot
i wish mine would agree to that but she’s an adult. And even those that pass at 17 will soon be 18 and therefore don’t have to agree with their parents!

OP bought the car so OP can make the rules.

Itwasnaeme · 21/04/2023 20:35

I've known 5 people who died in their first year or two of driving, late teens.
This isn't a case of being over protective it's a genuine risk when you are younger and more impulsive (hence high insurance costs)

Original poster
AnxiousForLife · 21/04/2023 20:39

I've told him no mates in the car yet. His girlfriend is ok. Also he has a black box app, so no late night driving. I'm still taking his girlfriend home in the evenings that she's here.

I'm worried about him fiddling with his phone/radio to get music on.
I'm also worried about him not driving economically.
I'm worried about him breaking down (he's got Breakdown cover)

You name it I'm just worried silly about it. I'm already on Sertraline 50mg for generalized anxiety but this is on a whole different level.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 21/04/2023 22:01

He might breakdown (unlikely) but the weather is warm and he has breakdown cover, so what's the worst that can happen?

He might have a bump- that is what insurance is for. It won't be the end of the world.

He might have a crash if he's very unlucky or reckless. Cars are designed so well these days that the chances are he'll walk away unscathed.

All these things will be learning experiences for him if they do happen. He learned to drive quite quickly, so he'll be a smart cookie who can deal with situations as they arise.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 21/04/2023 22:07

DS is 33 and DD is nearly 30 and I still worry when I know they are driving. I’m probably a nightmare passenger too. DS had a minor prang very early on and had to do a day’s retraining which improved his driving massively. DD has never had an accident. I know IABVVVU but that’s motherhood for you.

thenightsky · 21/04/2023 22:21

Get someone who is motorway confident/mega experienced to take them on a round trip of a couple of hours. DH (ex-travelling salesman who drove 200 motorway miles a day) did both ours who thought they knew everything the day after passing. They both admitted it was an eye-opener and VERY helpful.

robinsnest1967 · 21/04/2023 22:35

My daughter passed her test a month ago and tomorrow she's driving 80 miles up the A1 to see her boyfriend and I'm terrified.

thenightsky · 21/04/2023 23:00

The A1 is awful. But at least its a Saturday.