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Original poster

Expensive weekend away

58 replies

MANT · 21/04/2023 01:28

A long term friend who hardly ever invites me or my family to his home is having a birthday meal in another city. If I were to go it would cost me practically £300 plus to simply travel for a one night stay over and then to pay for a meal and then his present. Whilst we do travel alot ( and he knows this ) money is running tight at the moment and I have been to this city 3 times before. I really dont want to spend so.much money for what is a birthday meal that could be a fraction of this closer to where we both live. We often have invited him and his partner children to our own homefor a meal but they never reciprocate. How would you suggest I tackle this. Do i state that its too expensive for what it is and how we would consider something more affordable eg at his home or just make up an excuse and not turn up ?. I gave already suggested we meet up somewhere in close to where we both live.

Any suggestions much appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
MANT · 24/04/2023 21:36

thecatsthecats · 24/04/2023 21:16

I would honestly just say that you can't afford that but hope he has a lovely time.

It's a bit sly to suggest options you prefer/can afford. He didn't ask for suggestions, he invited you to what HE wants to do.

It should be normalised that people can y/n as suits them.

He changed it without any suggestion actually. Infact I told him to not change any plans and go with the others giving him the option to meet up with me at another venue. My view is that I am giving him an opportunity to meet with me if he wants to if no that's fine no problem. This friendship is very close to the end. He actually implied that I was lucky to have him as a friend ( what friend he never ever bothers with us or invites us anywhere and then wants us to spend money on a weekend away. I said so he's changed it out of his own free will. My wife and kids don't want to go and neither do I end of. Moral of this story if you have good friends look after them its a 2 way process otherwise they leave. Took me 50 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
MANT · 24/04/2023 21:40

GeneralDeborah · 24/04/2023 06:24

Glad you’ve come to a positive conclusion with this, OP. Trust your instincts.

Thank you ...it's not been difficult but I regard all responses here as being very useful. I do really appreciate the support.

OP posts:
Original poster
MANT · 25/04/2023 10:40

MANT · 24/04/2023 21:40

Thank you ...it's not been difficult but I regard all responses here as being very useful. I do really appreciate the support.

Show quote history

I meant its not been easy..

OP posts:
bjrce · 25/04/2023 11:21

Wow he really is a CF!

The fact that he is being so persistent in wanting you to attend, makes me think he's looking for all the combined friends to foot the bill on his party night. He sounds like he certainly has form. These type of people really have a brass neck.

You are absolutely right. He will come back to you inviting himself to your home again - "Save money" have your excuses ready in future.
He's probably burnt his bridges with everyone else - hence the lack of friends.

I had a school friend like this - when we had kids she was constantly travelling to mine with her DC - always with the question - "Do I need to feed them first?".

I really got tired of her antics - I then starting meeting her halfway - for days out with the DC. Now I just meet up every few months for a bite to eat in a restaurant on our own - its easier that way!

Original poster
MANT · 25/04/2023 15:18

bjrce · 25/04/2023 11:21

Wow he really is a CF!

The fact that he is being so persistent in wanting you to attend, makes me think he's looking for all the combined friends to foot the bill on his party night. He sounds like he certainly has form. These type of people really have a brass neck.

You are absolutely right. He will come back to you inviting himself to your home again - "Save money" have your excuses ready in future.
He's probably burnt his bridges with everyone else - hence the lack of friends.

I had a school friend like this - when we had kids she was constantly travelling to mine with her DC - always with the question - "Do I need to feed them first?".

I really got tired of her antics - I then starting meeting her halfway - for days out with the DC. Now I just meet up every few months for a bite to eat in a restaurant on our own - its easier that way!

Trust me...this guy actually had the cheek to mention how he attended my birthday...FFS I spent over £400 it was HIS pleasure. Free food high quality wine champagne and Oysters . A free loader ...not with us anymore.

OP posts:
MissLucyLiu · 25/04/2023 15:21

Are old are we? People have obligations and they have budgets , you don't need to explain anything BUT if you do just say that weekend you are doing something with the family and your parents or something already booked out.

Original poster
MANT · 25/04/2023 15:33

MissLucyLiu · 25/04/2023 15:21

Are old are we? People have obligations and they have budgets , you don't need to explain anything BUT if you do just say that weekend you are doing something with the family and your parents or something already booked out.

In our 50s . Hes so stubborn can't even see it His excuses are bull. He's making out because of this event its been exhausting to get us together to maintain frienships but never will he invite us ever despite him accepting invites from others. I told him that I always invited him to my home on several occasions and other events we hosted that he enjoyed si I have indeed made huge efforts to maintain our friendship.

OP posts:
Original poster
MANT · 28/04/2023 20:16

Just an update. Hes responded by saying its exhausting maintaining a friendship ( remember this is the guy that never invites anyone ). I reminded him how often we have entertained him and strongly maintained the friendship. He replied with no mention of this fact yet still expects me to attend despite me clearly declining. On top of it all he has asked me to help him write a letter re building issues (im experienced in this) last time I also acted as a passport referee for his kids not so much as a thank you when I spent time doing this online. He and his partner only ever contact if they need something .
He's polite but me writing this letter will take time and there will be no thanks nothing so guess what I ain't doing it. A normal person would at least invite their mate around or buy a round of drinks. Nope not him. And he's told me he feels unwell and his wife does ( I suppose just incase I get any ideas of poping around!

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