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Original poster

Is this idea ridiculous?

77 replies

PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 16:18

I'm going away to an event with a group. 7 people, two couples, two women, one man. We've had our hotels booked for ages and availability is now non existent because of the event.

The couples each have a room, I'm sharing with the other woman and single man has booked a single room (is apparently also a dreadful snorer, this may be relevant).

Another friend who would have liked to come but had a work commitment is now available. He's a married man, often comes to these things with us. His wife is lovely and they have lots of trips together, but she doesn't enjoy these trips so doesn't come.

So, the room I'm occupying with female friend has been booked as a twin. It has a double bed, plus a single.

Would it be really stupid to offer that we women share the double and the man can bunk in with us?

I wouldn't offer if it was just me, out of respect for his wife, but if he's sharing with both of us? He hasn't asked but I know he'd like to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 19:03

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 17/04/2023 18:58

It's not fucking liberating when you're starting a thread because you need people to tell you if it's weird or not.

If you were all so cool and relaxed then it wouldn't even be a thing, I've shared rooms with blokes I'm not married to and double beds with mates but never ones I didn't know well enough in the first place that I'd have to ask strangers on the internet about it.

It's not a thing in the way people here seem to think it is. There'll be absolutely no problem as far as my friend is concerned, we'd definitely do it if man wasn't married (as most of our friends aren't). It's only that which raises the question.

OP posts:
Ahhhhhbisto · 17/04/2023 19:07

Can you and your friend take snorer's room. Then married man and snorer can have the tripple?

Original poster
PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 19:09

Ahhhhhbisto · 17/04/2023 19:07

Can you and your friend take snorer's room. Then married man and snorer can have the tripple?

Only if we want to share a single bed.

It's not a big deal, I was just musing. Like the fox, the chicken and the river puzzle 😆

OP posts:
SallyWD · 17/04/2023 19:09

Oh God, this is my idea of hell! Sharing a bed with a friend, a man sleeping in the same room, all using the same bathroom!! I feel tense just thinking about it. Talk about lack of personal space.

clpsmum · 17/04/2023 19:12

I wouldn't be happy with that tbh if I were your friend or the man's wife!!

Original poster
PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 19:14

SallyWD · 17/04/2023 19:09

Oh God, this is my idea of hell! Sharing a bed with a friend, a man sleeping in the same room, all using the same bathroom!! I feel tense just thinking about it. Talk about lack of personal space.

OK, so we're all different. I promise this is no one involved's idea of hell.Various make do sleeping arrangements have enabled us to have numerous trips and some great times we might not have had otherwise. I'm going trekking this summer and will sleep in dorm rooms with complete strangers. The fact that there are strangers who are prepared to do that with me suggests its not that weird 😆

The only issue is the fact that this time it involves a married man.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/04/2023 19:15

@PricklyFoot I didn't say anything about hate. But I wouldn't like the set up you're describing. I'm a bad sleeper with IBS so it'd be a no from me to sharing with anyone. I like my own bed and bathroom.

Ahhhhhbisto · 17/04/2023 19:16

Only if we want to share a single bed.

It's not a big deal, I was just musing. Like the fox, the chicken and the river puzzle 😆*

Sorry OP! Just assumed it would still be a double bed, most places I have stayed in single rooms have double beds.

Hope you get it sorted. I am a total hypocrite as would and have happily offered and shared with a male platonic friend. I would be really uncomfortable with DH doing the same Blush

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/04/2023 19:18

You've asked if it's ridiculous. A lot of people responding think it is. And then you imply we're ridiculous for thinking you're ridiculous 🤣 So do what you will 🤷🏼‍♀️

Zipps · 17/04/2023 19:25

God no way. Sounds way too familiar I don't get why you're so keen to bend over backwards to accommodate this. I would hate to be asked as the friend.
I have loads of male friends. I wouldn't want to use the bathroom/shower after a male friend unless it was thoroughly cleaned first. Ick.
I also don't think many people I know would think this is ok unless they're brassic students going to a gig/traveling/ attending a party or something.

Original poster
PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 19:26

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/04/2023 19:18

You've asked if it's ridiculous. A lot of people responding think it is. And then you imply we're ridiculous for thinking you're ridiculous 🤣 So do what you will 🤷🏼‍♀️

OK, for point. It was including a married man, not a man per se, that I thought might be ridiculous.

OP posts:
SquigglePigs · 17/04/2023 19:32

In our group of friends I could see most of us being ok with an arrangement like that if it made the difference between someone being able to attend or not. It's no one's ideal but it's just a few hours to sleep. We've all known each other going on 20 years though so everyone is very secure in their relationships and the fact no one is going to be interested in anyone else's partner.

I even go out for dinner alone with one of the men in the group sometimes and neither my husband or his wife have a problem with it, which I know some people on here would do.

OP - you know your friends best and whether it's likely to be seen as ok or not. Based on what you've said about previous trips I'd be inclined to offer if your existing roommate is happy with the plan.

FictionalCharacter · 17/04/2023 19:42

Surely you know the answer yourself better than we do. You know your friends and their spouses, and we don’t.
If I were your friend that you’re sharing with I wouldn’t be up for this at all. I wouldn’t want to share a bedroom and bathroom room with any man other than my husband or son. If my husband went to a similar event and shared a room with two women, yes I would think it was odd (though no more than odd), but then again I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t agree to that arrangement. But you keep saying it’s all fine and it’s just his wife’s opinion you’re concerned about, so it doesn’t make sense that you’re asking on MN instead of talking about it with him and his wife.

CalistoNoSolo · 17/04/2023 19:58

SallyWD · 17/04/2023 19:09

Oh God, this is my idea of hell! Sharing a bed with a friend, a man sleeping in the same room, all using the same bathroom!! I feel tense just thinking about it. Talk about lack of personal space.

Mine too. I'd just not go if I had to even share a room with someone else.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 17/04/2023 21:00

WateryDoom · 17/04/2023 17:00

I'd loathe the idea if I was your friend. I don't want to share a double bed with someone and I'd hate the idea of a bloke in there as well. There's a real lack of privacy. I'd have done it in my teens, but not since.

Exactly . Fine as a teenager / early 20s but definitely not now and TBH I would need to be close friends with a woman ti want ti share a room with her never mind a bed .

Original poster
PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 21:15

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 17/04/2023 21:00

Exactly . Fine as a teenager / early 20s but definitely not now and TBH I would need to be close friends with a woman ti want ti share a room with her never mind a bed .

Show quote history

I might have said that once, but then DH died and friends/ aquaintances took me under their wing and included me in things I might not have previously have tried. I'd be much lonelier nowadays have had far fewer adventures if I'd refused to ever share a room or ever consider anything that was a little bit uncomfortable.

I'm very fortunate to have friends who make sure everyone's included and are prepared to put themselves out a bit for that to happen.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 17/04/2023 21:20

I don't think I would suggest this. I don't particularly like sharing a room.
But OP - you seem pretty sure so why not just do it?

greyhairnomore · 17/04/2023 21:28

Cleoforever · 17/04/2023 16:48

Seriously
if he can’t afford single supplement, he can either not go or ask you
but seriously op - you are taking on the mental load of another’s woman’s husband
Most peculiar

The accommodation is full. OP has a spare single bed in her room

Lizzt2007 · 17/04/2023 21:29

PricklyFoot · 17/04/2023 16:48

I'm sure I explained in OP. You can't get a room in the area because of the event we're going to.

Show quote history

You did. Some people just don't bother actually reading. Ask your room partner op, worst she can say is no. My partner and I frequently go away with a joint female friend to events, and single supplements are extortionate so we all share a room. Some people are comfortable , some aren't, you won't know until you ask .

greyhairnomore · 17/04/2023 21:31

SallyWD · 17/04/2023 19:09

Oh God, this is my idea of hell! Sharing a bed with a friend, a man sleeping in the same room, all using the same bathroom!! I feel tense just thinking about it. Talk about lack of personal space.

Same 🤢

moveoverye · 17/04/2023 21:41

I’d be fine with it.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 17/04/2023 22:52

Sounds like you have very good, close friends then @PricklyFoot - maybe it would work then . And I'm sorry to hear about your DH.

shutthewindownow · 18/04/2023 06:01

I wouldn't be involving myself in it. It's up to him to sort his room out

GreyCarpet · 18/04/2023 07:16

I went away once and shared a YH room with 2 bunk beds with a couple.

I've shared dorms with 6 people (men and women where one of the men was married but his wife didnt want to come).

And another time a room with 2 bunk beds - one couple, the other bunk me and my friend and a married man put up an airbed (with consent of the owners and his wife i guess!)

As long as you are all happy with the arrangement, I can't see why it would be a problem.

As is clear by the responses, some people wouldn't think twice about it and others wouldn't even consider it. If the people involved are fine with it then there's no problem.

Cleoforever · 18/04/2023 09:18

You and your friend aren’t 20.
Your friend doesn’t know this man

Even if I was very happy to share what is likely a small hotel room with a man, I would never put my friend in the position of me asking her if she was ok with sharing a room and bathroom with a man she’s never met before.