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Original poster

Are you and your partner both readers?

50 replies

PapitoSpice · 17/04/2023 05:02

… and does it matter?

I’m a moderately big reader. I’ve always got a book on the go, and a pile of books to read or on my kindle.

DH who studied a social science at Oxbridge (a clever man if I say so, cleverer than me) maybe reads one book a year, if that. He does a professional job but reading is not something he does.

The main impact reading has on me, apart from being a very calming activity, I find it makes me curious (I read fiction, non-fiction (history, politics, science)). I’d love to talk about some of these things with DH but we can’t.

In the end, it’s fine, I have other friends I can talk to, but I find it a little sad that DH isn’t a reader.

Do you and your partners read and does it matter?

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 17/04/2023 05:12

Both of us are big readers, I read mainly fiction, he reads mainly business type books with a little fiction thrown in. We both always read in bed at night, would never go on holiday without a few books, etc. I think it would only be an issue if one person was happy curling up with a good book and the other wanted to go out and do things.

EssexMamisoa · 17/04/2023 05:13

I am an avid reader. DH maybe will read on holiday. Maybe not. He’s happy to be round the house though so I’m not being dragged all over the place by him. He watches TV actually which I rarely do.

GBoucher · 17/04/2023 05:20

What, so you can't talk about history, politics and science with DH? Or you mean you can't talk specifically about the books you've read? My DH and I don't read the same books but if one of us has read something interesting we always share the interesting points with the other. We also talk about history, politics and science with each other all the time. In general, I mean, not tied up any particular book.

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Books
DurdleLau · 17/04/2023 05:21

I’ve always loved reading since I was a child, and always have several books on the go and a pile I need to start reading, I don’t think my house would feel like a home if someone took my bookcases away! I even work in a library I love books so much 😄. In complete contrast to this, my DH does not read, at all. I’ve never seen him pick up a book to read in the 14 years we’ve been together! He says he doesn’t know how to read (for pleasure) rather than reading an email or something at work, which makes me a bit sad, he said his primary school wasn’t very persistent with reading skills and at secondary school he managed to avoid reading any books, the school just didn’t push him. Being able to read is a skill that perhaps us book lovers can take for granted, I certainly do.

Original poster
PapitoSpice · 17/04/2023 05:24

GBoucher · 17/04/2023 05:20

What, so you can't talk about history, politics and science with DH? Or you mean you can't talk specifically about the books you've read? My DH and I don't read the same books but if one of us has read something interesting we always share the interesting points with the other. We also talk about history, politics and science with each other all the time. In general, I mean, not tied up any particular book.

In our case, DH is very practical (which is a great asset, no complaints there), but it means he’s less keen to talk about I suppose what you might call ‘ideas’. Conversations are geared to matters like DIY, whether we should book a holiday, etc, etc. And I don’t know if that’s a consequence or lies behind our reading habits.

OP posts:
StarsInTheCountry · 17/04/2023 05:24

We do, but we mostly like very different genres.

He likes mostly sci-fi and mystery. I read lots of history and psychology books as well as thrillers, historical fiction, the classics and romance. Occasionally we might read the same autobiography/memoirs book.

If he talks about his books, I struggle to listen if it’s sci fi, I can’t stand it.

KohlaParasaurus · 17/04/2023 06:01

I'm a reader. DH would rather watch films for fiction and YouTube for information. Pre-internet he was a reader, and he'll often look at what I'm reading and say, "I'd like to read that," but never does.

Inthetropics · 17/04/2023 06:07

I'm an avid reader and my partner's read maybe two books since we've been together. She is very practical and talks about her work, stuff we have to do, facts, her family, etc. She respects my desire to read and will watch tv, cook or do somerhing else she enjoys. I sometimes talk about what I read with a close friends and that's it.

cariadlet · 17/04/2023 06:08

I'm a reader, my DP isn't. I think it's a shame because I'd like us to be able to talk about what we've read and to be able to swap books. My mum and dad were both big readers and I do envy them.

To be fair, I have zero interest in football. My dp would probably enjoy it if I watched matches with him.

Tinybrother · 17/04/2023 06:13

We both read but never the same books.

Original poster
PapitoSpice · 17/04/2023 06:22

Inthetropics · 17/04/2023 06:07

I'm an avid reader and my partner's read maybe two books since we've been together. She is very practical and talks about her work, stuff we have to do, facts, her family, etc. She respects my desire to read and will watch tv, cook or do somerhing else she enjoys. I sometimes talk about what I read with a close friends and that's it.

That describes DH quite well.

OP posts:
mynewusername2023 · 17/04/2023 06:31

I'm an avid reader and read upwards of 70 books a year. My husband I don't think has ever read a book in the entire time I've known him. It's just not his thing.

He does a manual but extremely technical job and is intelligent but just doesn't enjoy reading in the way I do.

However he is more than happy to let me ramble on at him about books and indulges me. He understands my passion but doesn't share it.

Odile13 · 17/04/2023 07:12

I am a big reader and always have been. My DH is not. It has never bothered me in the slightest. If I’m reading something particularly good (or bad!) I’ll tell DH about it or we’ll chat about the issues involved but if I want to talk about books in depth I either look stuff up online or occasionally chat to friends who like reading.

There was a thread a few years back about whether your partner should also enjoy reading and I was a bit taken aback by how many wanted their partner to enjoy reading and also like similar books. To me reading has always been a solitary pursuit and as long as my partner is intelligent, has his own interests and can talk about the wider world, then that’s fine by me.

ivfbabymomma1 · 17/04/2023 07:27

I'd love to be a reader

But I think the last time me & DH read a book was on a holiday way before we had kids

GBoucher · 17/04/2023 07:36

PapitoSpice · 17/04/2023 05:24

In our case, DH is very practical (which is a great asset, no complaints there), but it means he’s less keen to talk about I suppose what you might call ‘ideas’. Conversations are geared to matters like DIY, whether we should book a holiday, etc, etc. And I don’t know if that’s a consequence or lies behind our reading habits.

Show quote history

Ah, I see. We're the opposite in that we only talk about 'ideas'. We'd debate for hours over the ideal tax regime, why x, y or z event causes the US$ to strengthen against other currencies, how much of a particular trait is genetic vs environmental vs random chance, those kinds of things. Probably less than 5% of our total communication time is allocated to practical matters. Unfortunately, my DH is not at all practical. He's not handy (even something as simple as putting a nail in the wall requires calling a handyman), can't cook, etc. I sometimes wish he was slightly more switched onto the day to day practical side of things, but judging from your post and some of the others on this thread, maybe men can only be one or the other 😆

hopeishere · 17/04/2023 07:48

I'm a reader. DH reads Spectator, Twitter and money week. He loves watching TV (it's a reflex - he puts it on whatever room he's in). He will maybe read a fiction book on holiday.

We still have lots to talk about.

ThreeRingCircus · 17/04/2023 07:59

DH and I both like reading but read completely different things e.g. I like historical fiction, reading the newspaper every day and practical books about gardening and he reads sci fi fantasy novels and car magazines.

Woahtherehoney · 17/04/2023 08:03

I’m a reader, always have been. I read 90 books last year! I always have my kindle with me wherever I go pretty much. I read mostly historical fiction and some other general fiction as well and am trying to get through some classics currently.

My DP hasn’t read a book since he was at school and he’s 34 now!

We have many other things in common, still always have things to talk about and it doesn’t bother me at all that he doesn’t read and visa versa. There’s lots of other things in life (although books are great!)

Dilemma19 · 17/04/2023 08:07

My dh is also very well educated and was an avid reader but he doesn't have time now so probably just one or two books a year. And it's something light hearted and fiction too. Surely you just have discussions though? About history, or whatever you want? Not setting specific time to discuss a history topic? Either way it's nothing to be sad about.

Dilemma19 · 17/04/2023 08:09

And unless that person has read the same book as you, they're just going to be listening to you. Reading is something that requires time as well, not many have that luxury. Sure they are reading other stuff, news and relevant topics but sitting down with a selected book about a selected topic is a luxury.

hexsnidgett · 17/04/2023 08:15

I love reading, but hate talking about it, so it suits me just fine that dh doesn't read much.

AussieKoala01 · 17/04/2023 08:18

I've adored books since I was a child, my DH? not so much. He'll curl up with our DS and read a picture book but that's about it. Sometimes I'll talk his ear of about a particularly impactful novel I'm reading or just finished and he listens politely before i go of on my merry way lol.

Dithyramb · 17/04/2023 08:18

Both of us avid readers with literature postgraduate degrees (how we met). I couldn’t be married to a non-reader. We’re very different in lots of ways (he’s a complete sports nut, and now works in a field completely unrelated to his area of study), but that’s a non-negotiable for me.

tourdefrance · 17/04/2023 08:19

Both DP and I read. I read a mix of fiction and non fiction, 50+ books a year. He reads historical fiction and Terry Pratchett if he can't sleep.

DS1 mostly reads non fiction now. DS1 reads fantasy, science fiction and dystopian novels. DS2 always wants to see what I'm reading and what his dad is reading.

I will discuss what I'm reading with DP and DC in the same way I discuss a TV programme. 'Did you know that driving on less than 6 hours sleep is as dangerous as driving on x amount of alcohol?'. Although we (DP and I) hardly watch telly. I don't really discuss fiction with anyone.

My only concern with a non reading male DP/DH would be kids thinking that 'boys don't read'. But you can't exactly get him to fake it.

WhatALightbulbMoment · 17/04/2023 08:23

We both love reading. We often read what the other has just read and enjoyed, and then we'll discuss it.
A bit like a book club with only two members!
It's an aspect of our relationship I really like, even though it doesn't take up much of our time.

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