Is telling a neurodivergent employee to smile more ok

Littlefish · 15/04/2023 14:07

It's never ok, whether someone is neurodiverse or not.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 15/04/2023 14:07

Littlefish · 15/04/2023 14:07

It's never ok, whether someone is neurodiverse or not.

This, its rude

swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 14:09

I have been told this many times before and am not ND. Usually its by creepy older men. One time a few days after my dad died, I was walking to the solicitors to deal with his will and some random bloke to me to smile and "cheer up". I almost punched him. Its not ok to say to anyone. Funny though- I NEVER see these men saying it to other men, only women.

DPotter · 15/04/2023 14:10

I have a resting bitch face, am not ND and I would not accept any one telling me to smile more.

I smile when I'm happy and can also demonstrate the difference between my resting bitch face and when I'm really hacked off. I'm told the difference is pronounced.

Someone telling anyone to smile is rude

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2023 14:11

Littlefish · 15/04/2023 14:07

It's never ok, whether someone is neurodiverse or not.

This.

Hbh17 · 15/04/2023 14:11

It's not OK to say this to anybody.

Nismet · 15/04/2023 14:12

Never OK and usually misogynistic

TeenDivided · 15/04/2023 14:12

I think it maybe depends on the job?

If the job is customer service, and part of the description is have a happy welcoming smile to customers' then maybe. Otherwise, no.

Mabelface · 15/04/2023 14:13

No it's not okay at all and could be perceived as discriminatory.

sparklefresh · 15/04/2023 14:14

I don't even like 'resting bitch face' TBH. It's only ever women who are told they have this. Because we are expected to be smiling and happy all the time 🙄

megletthesecond · 15/04/2023 14:15

Not OK. You don't have to be smiley to be good with customers.

Wherethewildthymeblows · 15/04/2023 14:15

No, never ok, and bloody irritating too. I have a resting bitch face and sometimes people at work ask me if I am OK, at which point I realise my face must be very relaxed and I must be looking particularly 'bitchy'. I just answer brightly that I am fine. If you do that enough, I think people start to learn that your lack of smile isn't necessarily significant.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/04/2023 14:16

Jesus, is your boss male by any chance? I can’t imaging a man telling another bloke to smile.

Do you work for a company with an hr dept? I think I’d be making a complaint. And being ND is irrelevant here, I’d be livid is someone did that to me.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/04/2023 14:18

I'm shocked by these responses. I was brought up to stand up straight and have a smile on my face for those I dealt with. The congenitally grumpy bring down the atmosphere in an office.

My team is customer facing. If someone were having a hard time, they would be supported and might be given adjusted duties for a period. If they were being sullen and miserable or giving an unhelpful impression to stakeholders co.plaints would arise and they would lose their job.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 15/04/2023 14:18

I don't even like 'resting bitch face' TBH. It's only ever women who are told they have this. Because we are expected to be smiling and happy all the time 🙄 oh I don't mind it, in fact I own it, it's the "mess with me at your peril" face 🤣

fruitbrewhaha · 15/04/2023 14:18

And no one has ever told a man they have a ‘resting bitch face’. Its misogynistic. The idea that women must be looking pretty for everyone else to appreciate.

NurseCranesRolodex · 15/04/2023 14:20

whatisforteamum · 15/04/2023 14:06

So I'm coming to the conclusion I probably have ADHD potentially some autistic traits.
My boss did the smile thing when I was at work.
I was happy chatty engaged with others and polite.
I must ve had a resting bitch face.
Is it ok to tell someone to smile or point to your own smile.?
I'm sure they realise I am neurodiverse

What have you explained to your boss about your diagnosis.
What did they ask you to do.
Its unacceptable for anyone to ask you to smile more. You need to have a conversation about your ND and diagnosis because this would contravene the Equality Act as autism is a protected characteristic.

watcherintherye · 15/04/2023 14:20

No, it’s not ok. Even in a customer facing role, most customers realise that the important thing is getting polite, efficient service, not you grinning inanely at them like a Cheshire Cat. Can’t bear this ‘put on a pretty smile for me, then!’ attitude (mostly) from men.

swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 14:22

watcherintherye · 15/04/2023 14:20

No, it’s not ok. Even in a customer facing role, most customers realise that the important thing is getting polite, efficient service, not you grinning inanely at them like a Cheshire Cat. Can’t bear this ‘put on a pretty smile for me, then!’ attitude (mostly) from men.

Exactly. In fact, people who smile continuously and unnaturally (when there is no specific reason to) look creepy AF.

Doyoumind · 15/04/2023 14:22

It's not ok.

Someone at work says something to me I don't think is ok but it feels far more like it applies to him than me. It's a bit like what people say about him behind his back rather than to his face as he's senior. Often people criticise in others what they worry about in themselves.

ReadersD1gest · 15/04/2023 14:23

No, not to anybody. You are not there for decorative purposes.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/04/2023 14:25

RosesAndHellebores · 15/04/2023 14:18

I'm shocked by these responses. I was brought up to stand up straight and have a smile on my face for those I dealt with. The congenitally grumpy bring down the atmosphere in an office.

My team is customer facing. If someone were having a hard time, they would be supported and might be given adjusted duties for a period. If they were being sullen and miserable or giving an unhelpful impression to stakeholders co.plaints would arise and they would lose their job.

But the OP hasn’t said she was dealing with customers. Or that she was being sullan and miserable. Just that she was not smiling.

gamerchick · 15/04/2023 14:26

Ask your boss if he would say that to a man?

Aylestone · 15/04/2023 14:30

RosesAndHellebores · 15/04/2023 14:18

I'm shocked by these responses. I was brought up to stand up straight and have a smile on my face for those I dealt with. The congenitally grumpy bring down the atmosphere in an office.

My team is customer facing. If someone were having a hard time, they would be supported and might be given adjusted duties for a period. If they were being sullen and miserable or giving an unhelpful impression to stakeholders co.plaints would arise and they would lose their job.

This. I’ve got a face like a slapped arse and got threatened with a disciplinary when I worked for haven holidays for being ‘miserable and sullen’ to the customers and ‘unapproachable’ to the other staff. It took constant effort to make my face look more friendly after that, it used to literally ache at the end of a shift. I’m a lot better at it now though, you can do it with practise. When working with other people it is expected that you look pleasant I guess.

Thehonestybox · 15/04/2023 14:30

I have changed my opinion on this a bit, recently, and I think it is OK (for clarity I'm ND too...and I have frown lines which I obviously can't help).

Admittedly it did used to really wind me up when people (usually random men on the street) would say "Come on, smile!". But I started working with some young apprentices who never smile, and it really makes me feel depressed to be at work.

I don't think it's unfair to be expected to make a bit of effort, it just makes it a nicer environment for everyone and that's a nice feeling.