Is telling a neurodivergent employee to smile more ok

[whatisforteamum]

So I'm coming to the conclusion I probably have ADHD potentially some autistic traits.
My boss did the smile thing when I was at work.
I was happy chatty engaged with others and polite.
I must ve had a resting bitch face.
Is it ok to tell someone to smile or point to your own smile.?
I'm sure they realise I am neurodiverse

I'm shocked by these responses. I was brought up to stand up straight and have a smile on my face for those I dealt with. The congenitally grumpy bring down the atmosphere in an office.

I was brought up like that and I think it was wrong. It's not healthy to be smiling all the time. Even when I was depressed and suicidal, people (even the professionals) thought I couldn't possibly be, because I looked so happy and was so good at masking it after my upbringing. I wished I could switch off the default 'sunshine' face so that people would actually take me seriously (and for anyone that thinks it's simple to do so... it's really not!).

I remember someone telling my DH to 'smile, it might never happen' and swiftly learning a lesson as DH replied that his father had just died so 'it' had just happened.

From a work perspective... I don't think it should matter as long as the role is being performed satisfactorily (and as long as someone isn't actively rude or obnoxious).

Some people's mouths naturally turn up, even when not smiling. Some turn down. It's just the way they are and probably tiring for those with a natural 'turn-down' to arrange their muscles in a fixed grin just for the sake of it. As long as people are responsive, polite and helpful (with the occasional smile when it comes naturally), what is the problem?

And yes, men are very rarely told to cheer up or change their expression. Seems only to be required for women. Very controlling!

I don't think it's unfair to be expected to make a bit of effort, it just makes it a nicer environment for everyone and that's a nice feeling

The problem is, I have never ever ever seen a man tell another man to smile. Not once. It’s ALWAYS men telling women to do it. As if it’s women’s responsibility to look happy and amenable whilst men can look as serious as they like and no one questions it. It’s misogynistic.

Surely if you're customer facing it's a valid request?

Depends on the job - if customer facing, and depending on the brand image of the employer, it could be a perfectly reasonable request.

OP doesn’t have a diagnosis.

But I agree with others, the only time it’s appropriate to comment on facial expression in the context of approachability is if the job is public facing.

I always look "miserable" despite being happy and chatty my face says otherwise. I hate being told to smile Its just rude.

If you're ND it may not be the job for you.

Depends on the job. If you're sat on a reception desk or a checkout or anywhere else customer facing then yes I think it's part of the job to plaster a smile on, rather than sit with a face like thunder.

It depends on the context and how it’s done.

If someone has a customer facing role which involves looking approachable and friendly eg working on a shop floor, then it would be fine to raise it, but it’s sensitive so perhaps best with the advice of Hr.

I was told by a customer I was too happy for the ridulously early start I have.
All the other women there look a bit moody when they are distracted.
One got told it may never happen. Which I would never say.
I think it is unrealistic to be grining for 8 hours.

It’s not okay to say it to anyone, neurodiverse or otherwise. I remember being in a shop less than an hour after my FIL had passed away very unexpectedly, grabbing something quick and easy to feed the kids after a long and difficult day. The male cashier said “smile love, it might never happen” and if I could reached over the counter I’d have beat him round the head.

I disagree with this. I expect people in customer service roles to be polite, helpful and efficient. I don’t expect them to be perpetually forcing a smile. You can absolutely tell when a smile is genuine or plastered on and when it’s fake it comes across as patronising and a bit snide

It is predominantly a back of house job with some customer interaction.

RoseAndHellebores

The congenitally grumpy bring down the atmosphere in an office

The OP said she was happily chatting to colleagues.

Someone with a RBF is not congenitally grumpy. My face at rest has a sour disposition, but my personality is far from grumpy.

I understand other pps dislike of the term RBF but it is a useful shorthand

Seriously? Get lost.

Oh yes I'm a really caring genuinely happy person the type that says good morning to passers by.

You need to have a conversation about your ND and diagnosis because this would contravene the Equality Act as autism is a protected characteristic

The op only self identifies as ND.

Unless you are employed in a setting where there are medical professionals who are trained to diagnose ADHD or Autism, why do you think they’d ‘realise’ you are ‘neurodiverse’? What an odd thing to assume.

Whilst I’d be pretty annoyed if my boss told me to smile, I’d be even more annoyed if they assumed I didn’t smile because I might be autistic. They might just think you’re a miserable sod.

Even if an employer thinks it's justified in the workplace, it's such a counterproductive thing to say. People will hear 'Cheer up, misery-guts', or 'What's the matter with your face?'. It's hardly going to improve someone's mood. And frankly I'd rather see someone's natural expression than an obviously manufactured smile.

Unacceptable.

I would much rather a calm professional person dealing with me than a Cheshire Cat. Hate false smiles and you can always tell.

I also have a resting bitch face. Was once told I couldn't have the pay rose I had worked so bloody hard for and got the results for as my face looks 'cross'

Needless to say I torn them apart and challenged it but will never ever forget that

I agree.
My face in repose is naturally sad. If I smile when I don't feel like smiling it looks like a grimace.

Nobody wants to work with or be served by a miserable fucker, and if you’re being told to smile the chances are you very rarely do, which just makes it really uncomfortable and awkward for everyone around you.

Whether you are ND or not is irrelevant, even you don’t know if you are, you’re just guessing.

My customer facing jobs felt like being an actress on shift. I naturally have blunt face and live very “internally” but can fake a smiley happy persona for customers. Exhausting yes. But it’s part of the job.

As a customer it’s unsettling when a server isn’t friendly. My local Morrisons is horrible to go in because most of the staff look at you with dead eyes.