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Original poster

Friend's 50th birthday and her DH wants me to write a message about why I love her

40 replies

BansheeofInsherin · 15/04/2023 10:35

And I have gone completely blank. He is making a scrapbook, so I want to say something witty yet moving. But I can't find the words!

I should say that my day job involves a lot of writing, so often by the weekend, I am written out! I need a fancier way of saying she is kind, fun, cheerful, well read, glamorous and good company.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 10:37

People love a personal anecdote. What’s your favourite memory that will make her smile? Then add the other bits.

PawPrintsInMyPansies · 15/04/2023 10:38

Google may help you find a starting point?

Cinecitta · 15/04/2023 10:39

If someone prompted me to explain to a third party why I love him/her I would also go blank to be honest. 😕

Original poster
BansheeofInsherin · 15/04/2023 10:41

Right? DH is sniggering. My 50th just passed and he didn;t do anything like this. ( To be fair he organised a trip away).

The anecdote is a great idea. We have been friends since uni, so I have forgotten so much. But looking through some old photos.

OP posts:
Marsyas · 15/04/2023 10:42

Tell ChatGBT to do it. Or just write what you wrote here perhaps with some examples or her behaving in those ways.
I hate being asked to say why I love someone because I don’t think love should be conditional, and it implies that if they stopped being that way I wouldn’t love them anymore. “I love x because they are cheerful “ - what abou all the times they aren’t cheerful, do I not love them then?

Original poster
BansheeofInsherin · 15/04/2023 10:45

Yes.. Actually I don't even want to say glamorous, because she might not be glam in the future.

OP posts:
swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 10:46

When you think about her, what comes to mind?

Eg. I love that she's supportive, fun to be around, kind etc

Then- memories:

eg. I will always remember that time we went to xyz, did xyz etc

I'm a bit surprised everyone is going blank- surely you can identify the reason why you like your friends? why did you choose them as friends in the first place?

Cantdoitallperfectly · 15/04/2023 10:47

Write how much you love and cherish their friendship and loyalty. Through good and bad etc etc.

HonorHiding · 15/04/2023 10:48

Thinking of my uni friends, for me it wouldn’t be so much that they are cheerful etc but more that they have “been there” through thick and thin, that they are my youth and my now and everything in between.

Original poster
BansheeofInsherin · 15/04/2023 10:49

HonorHiding · 15/04/2023 10:48

Thinking of my uni friends, for me it wouldn’t be so much that they are cheerful etc but more that they have “been there” through thick and thin, that they are my youth and my now and everything in between.

This is absolutely right. Thanks! And you say it so well.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2023 10:49

Will your friend appreciate it? (I’d wish for the floor to open up and swallow me 😁)

MumUndone · 15/04/2023 10:49

When I first met x I thought x. I have known x for x years now, and I have learnt that first impressions are completely true/false! She is x, x, x, and x, something which was particularly apparent when x happened and she x. X, you are my best friend and I love you very much. Happy 50th birthday!

Monoprix · 15/04/2023 10:49

swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 10:46

When you think about her, what comes to mind?

Eg. I love that she's supportive, fun to be around, kind etc

Then- memories:

eg. I will always remember that time we went to xyz, did xyz etc

I'm a bit surprised everyone is going blank- surely you can identify the reason why you like your friends? why did you choose them as friends in the first place?

How do you explain love of any kind? I think this scrapbook is a great idea but also kinda forced. I would feel awkward if I had to explain why I love a person.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/04/2023 10:50

Use chatGPT

Original poster
BansheeofInsherin · 15/04/2023 10:53

Will also try ChatGPT

OP posts:
swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 10:59

Monoprix · 15/04/2023 10:49

How do you explain love of any kind? I think this scrapbook is a great idea but also kinda forced. I would feel awkward if I had to explain why I love a person.

Show quote history

I dont think its necessary to explain love in some flowery poetic way. Just outline what you appreciate about your friendship.

"Ive been friends with X for Y years now and she's always been hugely supportive of me, she's been there for me through thick and thin and we've had some really fun times- remember that time we bunked off college to go and see a film instead of attending lectures! I love that she's kind, really fun to be around and we've had some wonderful laughs over the years and here's to many more. Happy birthday darling- I hope you have a wonderful day!

Not that difficult really

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 15/04/2023 11:03

swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 10:59

I dont think its necessary to explain love in some flowery poetic way. Just outline what you appreciate about your friendship.

"Ive been friends with X for Y years now and she's always been hugely supportive of me, she's been there for me through thick and thin and we've had some really fun times- remember that time we bunked off college to go and see a film instead of attending lectures! I love that she's kind, really fun to be around and we've had some wonderful laughs over the years and here's to many more. Happy birthday darling- I hope you have a wonderful day!

Not that difficult really

Show quote history

This is perfect. I think it's a lovely thing to do. DH turned 50 during covid times and I got people to do video messages as we couldn't have a party. He loved it and I really appreciated them doing it.

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 15/04/2023 11:05

Choose an anecdote that sums up why she is special to you.

MaJolie · 15/04/2023 11:09

I would say ‘Not on your life, sunshine, am I writing some kind of cheesy soundbite about X, and X will understand exactly why’. Any friend of mine whose spouse was doing this would have a spouse who misunderstood something fundamental about them.

OP, if you do want to do it, why not just describe the first time you met her and what struck you about her? Would work as nostalgic comedy even if the way you first met her was that you held her hair as she puked or you nicked her boyfriend or something.

One of my closest friends says her first impressions of me (same postgrad cohort) were of a perennially-late Irishwoman who looked as if she’d just got out of bed, but, on the rare occasions she spoke, offered withering putdowns to the class’s Pleased With Himself Old Etonian. (I remember very little of this, but it tickles me, and Old Etonian dropped out and very nicely for himself in acting, so was in no way harmed…)

thecatsthecats · 15/04/2023 11:17

I'm a bit surprised everyone is going blank- surely you can identify the reason why you like your friends? why did you choose them as friends in the first place?

I didn't wander around the friend supermarket reading a list of attributes.

Relationships grow, you don't pick them off a shelf. My friends from school probably could be defined as "the smart kids, all in the top set, slightly goofy good girls".

ittakes2 · 15/04/2023 11:17

I would share a personal story where she touched your heart and showed all the reasons why you love her

swayingpalmtree · 15/04/2023 11:22

thecatsthecats · 15/04/2023 11:17

I'm a bit surprised everyone is going blank- surely you can identify the reason why you like your friends? why did you choose them as friends in the first place?

I didn't wander around the friend supermarket reading a list of attributes.

Relationships grow, you don't pick them off a shelf. My friends from school probably could be defined as "the smart kids, all in the top set, slightly goofy good girls".

No but there must have been solid reasons that you continued certain friendships with certain people and didnt pursue friendships with others- otherwise we'd all have a million friends. So, there must be certain attributes that you appreciate in the people you have purposely kept in your life and made an effort to continue the friendship with. Thats what I mean. There are lots of kind people in the world but you arent friends with them all because you might not be compatible with them despite their kindness. Therefore, there must be specific reasons why you made an effort to stay in contact with certain people- those are the attributes I am referring to.

SwedishEdith · 15/04/2023 11:28

I got put on the spot at a hen night about something like this. A scrapbook was passed around the table and then the best friend read them out to the hen. Excruciating.

I would try not to overthink it. I hate gushy oversentimental language so would treat it like any other card and reference a few funny/meaningful memories.

Original poster
BansheeofInsherin · 15/04/2023 11:29

I am going to begin with when I met her- she had a disastrous perm and wore purple every day! It's all coming back to me now.

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 15/04/2023 11:50

Obviously, and you certainly had to realize this even though you act like it’s a revelation by another poster, you would give an anecdote or story or memory. And no, not about her disastrous perm or wearing purple every day. You come across as despising this person but pretending you’ve just gone ‘blank’ when asked to come up with one sweet story about her out of years’ worth of friendship and then list these adjectives you make clear you think don’t apply to her or won’t in the future like being glamorous. Ok. Sure.

Do you really think she’d enjoy a story about her disastrous perm? Is that all you can come up with.