AreYouHavingAGiraffeNoItsACamel ·
12/04/2023 15:52
I spend an absolute shit ton of time alone. I'm very introverted, I love my own company and I am single (after a series of one blow after another I have decided to remain so - I'm generally fine with this). No kids, they're not for me. Over the past few years I've gone through several painful experiences that have pushed me to the brink and today although I have some horrible memories I'm more often feeling contentment than not. I have a lovely little house that I've done up beautifully and I am - touch wood - quite financially secure. A good job. Very small family, two fantastic parents and a couple of other relatives. I do have a couple of handfuls of good friends but I live a bit further away than most of them and only really see any of them once every couple of months. For a walk, a coffee or sometimes a night on the old vodka and limes.
The thing I've noticed, whenever I do mix with people I notice I have very little to say compared to everyone else and I know this is because my life isn't as bulked up with people as much as theirs is. I tend to listen more than talk, or I'll give advice when asked. They all have spouses, siblings, nieces and nephews, adult and young kids etc etc. There's always something going on although in fairness most of it seems to be a load of drama and bullshit that I wouldn't want to be coping with anyway. I try to live my life very peacefully and quietly and after having my own dramas I'm just happy and grateful to mainly keep to myself these days. I do socialise sometimes as I say, but my general hobbies are mainly things I do on my own. Long walks, hiking (I live in quite a green area) open water swimming, a day out shopping or reading a gripping thriller at home etc. I try to cook a new recipe once per week. I jump on the train every so often and potter around markets in London. I'm applying for an allotment. There aren't many group things where I live but I don't want to move.
If I was at a party for instance and someone asked me for my opinion on something, say something in the news or thoughts about life in general I'll talk for hours... but if my phone rings randomly for one of those catch up calls I dread it because I know they'll ask me that awful on the spot question that I struggle to answer with any real glitter or feel embarrassed about because I'm actually such a fucking loner...
"What have you been up to then?" Agggh!! Fuck me. I make Tom Hanks in Castaway look like King Social. I'm just a bit concerned that with the path I'm on whilst everyone else has loads going on I'll basically eventually have fuck all to say to anyone...