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Original poster

7 year old running off

52 replies

Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:14

I was at the cinema today at a fairly quiet showing and took my kids 3 and 7. It was their first time at the cinema. The film was awful they enjoyee it while they had their popcorn but started to run around. My 7 year old sat down when i told him we would have to leave if he couldn't sit. My 3 year old after initially obeying started to get restless and ran round again.

I knew the film wouldn't be much longer but didn't want to be that parent letting their kids ruin the film for others. I said it was time to leave but of course my 7 year old didn't want to and basically just ran round the cinema trying to dodge me. I know it wasn't fair to him but didn't have a solution other than leaving. This felt so embarrassing as obviously i wanted to leave the cinema discreetly and didn't.

He does it at softplay sometimes- yes even when I've warned him it'll be home time soon but today I was furious. I shouted a lot in the car but I don't know what to do to make it not happen. It feels embarrassing to not be able to control your kids in public.

Maybe it's not a big deal and I was stressed because I was feeling the pressure more in a cinema where everyone is sitting and being quiet.

I've read gentle parenting books where they say punishments don't work so now I'm stuck. I don't really punish i rant and rave for a bit, maybe send him to his room so I can get headspace. I don't even know what punishment would work anyway. He's an outdoorsy arty child who likes a bit of TV in the evening.

What would you do or what have you done in the past when your kids run off on you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:16

Sorry that's a really post. I just needed to let off steamBlush

OP posts:
Geneticsbunny · 12/04/2023 14:16

At 7 you just explain that you can't go to the cinema again until you can be certain that he is grown up enough to listen to you because running off is dangerous.

Geneticsbunny · 12/04/2023 14:17

So no punishment, but consequences.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds 7 year olds Behaviour & development Families
Jonei · 12/04/2023 14:20

Avoid places like that until your child is older and more able to understand/ listen to instructions.

One of my DC was the same. And did the same. He did grow out of it.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:20

Geneticsbunny · 12/04/2023 14:16

At 7 you just explain that you can't go to the cinema again until you can be certain that he is grown up enough to listen to you because running off is dangerous.

Thank you. I did say that. I acknowledged it was unfair that we left because of the 3 yo but felt powerless in the cinema to make him leave.

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AgrathaChristie · 12/04/2023 14:21

Did you walk out without him? I’m sure it’s very old fashioned, not considered the thing to do in 2023, but I’d have walked out with 3 year old , 7 year old would soon have followed. Then I’d have said no cinema until you can learn to behave.

AgrathaChristie · 12/04/2023 14:22

And they do grow out of it.

cocksstrideintheevening · 12/04/2023 14:23

The solution IS leaving. You weren't being discrete with your kids running around so why worry about being discrete leaving?

1930toEdinburgh · 12/04/2023 14:25

AgrathaChristie · 12/04/2023 14:21

Did you walk out without him? I’m sure it’s very old fashioned, not considered the thing to do in 2023, but I’d have walked out with 3 year old , 7 year old would soon have followed. Then I’d have said no cinema until you can learn to behave.

I'd have walked out with the younger one too.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:29

@AgrathaChristie I went to the exit with my 3 yo thinking he'd come but he didn't so i went a second time to make a grab for him! By this time I gave up and waited near the exit for the film to finish and then of course he was shouting "mum, mum" at the end because he couldn't see us. Cue my grabbing him and the red mist descending.

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Bigpinktrain · 12/04/2023 14:31

Sounds like chaos.
The 7 year old is old enough to understand the situation and clearly misbehaved because he knew there would be no punishment.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:32

cocksstrideintheevening · 12/04/2023 14:23

The solution IS leaving. You weren't being discrete with your kids running around so why worry about being discrete leaving?

I didn't want to disturb people more that's why. I was in a tizz and didn't want some cartoonish chase around the cinema. Anyway lesson learnt- outdoor environments or noisy softplays only for the foreseeable future.

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Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:35

Bigpinktrain · 12/04/2023 14:31

Sounds like chaos.
The 7 year old is old enough to understand the situation and clearly misbehaved because he knew there would be no punishment.

It was chaos 😔 I sent him to his room when we got in. I find parenting so hard. I'm always getting it wrong.

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MrsBunnyEars · 12/04/2023 14:35

You have to take them and leave. Yes it’s probably embarrassing, but you only do it a few times and they’ll stop dicking about.

It’s so irritating when gentle parenting spoils things for kids who have been taught how to behave.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:39

MrsBunnyEars · 12/04/2023 14:35

You have to take them and leave. Yes it’s probably embarrassing, but you only do it a few times and they’ll stop dicking about.

It’s so irritating when gentle parenting spoils things for kids who have been taught how to behave.

At other venues it's felt easier to assume control and leave. When they act up the consequence is that we go home.

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jannier · 12/04/2023 14:40

Jonei · 12/04/2023 14:20

Avoid places like that until your child is older and more able to understand/ listen to instructions.

One of my DC was the same. And did the same. He did grow out of it.

What age do you suggest? I take 2,3,4 6 and a 10 year old it's not an issue. But I wouldn't take them until they behave in places that don't affect others'enjoyment.
I dont understand no consequences life has consequences at what age does someone learn when they threw their phone at 15 it was fine now they are 16 it's not?

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 14:40

Couldn't you have sat the 3 year old on your lap?
Letting the pair of them run around the cinema is atrocious.

Skybluepinky · 12/04/2023 14:41

What consequences did u give for them running off?

helpfulperson · 12/04/2023 14:42

To be honest as the 7 year old did sit down when told and only the 3 year old was running around until you said you were leaving I'd have taken 3 year old just outside the door or into the corridor and left the7 year old in the cinema.

At the moment from your 7 year olds point of view he did what he was told and still got punished so might as well ignore you.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:43

jannier · 12/04/2023 14:40

What age do you suggest? I take 2,3,4 6 and a 10 year old it's not an issue. But I wouldn't take them until they behave in places that don't affect others'enjoyment.
I dont understand no consequences life has consequences at what age does someone learn when they threw their phone at 15 it was fine now they are 16 it's not?

Show quote history

We do have consequences as I said above we leave venues if they are not managing to behave. I agree there has to be consequences but today I felt out of my comfort zone at the cinema. It was our first time as a family there.

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itsgettingweird · 12/04/2023 14:43

So he doesn't go to cinema or soft play again.

You tell him that and why.

You then tell re you go ANYWHERE else if he runs off then you don't go to that place again either.

It'll start to have an impact when you're invited out to places with families and he's told no. Or he gets invited to a soft play party and the answer is no.

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 14:45

I know you say punishments don’t work but my experience is letting your kids run roughshod over you works even less. Ranting and raving isn’t exactly ‘gentle parenting’ is it? So you’re not a ‘gentle parent’ you are just permissive.

If it had been mine I’d have removed some treat or similar after arriving home. Seven is far and away old enough to understand that they cannot have x because of their naughty behaviour. And if it was a pattern of running away at soft play I would make a point of having the next day be a ‘quiet day’ doing chores and jobs at home such as cleaning their room, helping with other jobs etc because they can’t be trusted to do fun days out because of their naughty and disrespectful behaviour.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:47

helpfulperson · 12/04/2023 14:42

To be honest as the 7 year old did sit down when told and only the 3 year old was running around until you said you were leaving I'd have taken 3 year old just outside the door or into the corridor and left the7 year old in the cinema.

At the moment from your 7 year olds point of view he did what he was told and still got punished so might as well ignore you.

I did acknowledge it was unfair, I'd have rather seen the awful film the whole way through- 🤑 but I felt like we had to leave because of the three year old. Now I'm not stressed I do see that perhaps I could have left him to see end of film while i waited in the hall with the toddler.

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Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 14:48

Or if you really aren’t able to impose any punishments or discipline, there are reins that many of the parents of special needs kids that I work with use.

Original poster
Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva · 12/04/2023 14:49

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 14:45

I know you say punishments don’t work but my experience is letting your kids run roughshod over you works even less. Ranting and raving isn’t exactly ‘gentle parenting’ is it? So you’re not a ‘gentle parent’ you are just permissive.

If it had been mine I’d have removed some treat or similar after arriving home. Seven is far and away old enough to understand that they cannot have x because of their naughty behaviour. And if it was a pattern of running away at soft play I would make a point of having the next day be a ‘quiet day’ doing chores and jobs at home such as cleaning their room, helping with other jobs etc because they can’t be trusted to do fun days out because of their naughty and disrespectful behaviour.

It's absolutely not gentle parenting you're right!

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